Sanmao once said: "Those who think they are familiar are isolated from each other." ”
The best distance between people is not intimacy, but in a degree of relaxation, intimacy will not cause pressure on each other, keeping a distance will not make people feel deliberately far away and unfamiliar, within a reasonable range can increase the sense of closeness between people and people.
I once saw such a story on the Internet. At the exchange meeting between Liang Xiaosheng and readers, a reader asked Liang Xiaosheng a question.
He opened a restaurant. In order to increase the popularity and accumulate the best amount, I invited my friends to dinner for free in the first two weeks.
Unexpectedly, after the free period, there are still friends who come to eat and drink.
Not only that, but this gentleman also brought relatives and colleagues to open a few tables from time to time, and while placing orders proudly, he showed off to the people he brought: "You're welcome, buddies' restaurants, everyone is their own people." ”
This indiscriminate behavior made the reader very angry, but he couldn't pull his face and talk to his friends. The restaurant business had just begun, and the only little profit was lost to the face of the so-called friend.
Liang Xiaosheng immediately gave advice to this reader after hearing this, and he bluntly said: If you don't owe the other party any favors, this kind of friend will be better off sooner.
Throughout the ages, for the sake of the so-called face, there are countless examples of slapping a swollen face and filling a fat person, gritting his teeth and only swallowing it in his stomach.
It should be like the line in "It's All Good": "For people who don't treat themselves as outsiders, I only have one sentence - get out"!
The real value of getting along with people is knowing how to stop in moderation.
Even the two closest people should also give each other proper space.
If the other person blindly imposes ideas on the partner, it often becomes a kind of control. For a long time, it will make both sides have a gap and suspicion. In the end, it may make both parties depressed and break up unhappily.
If the relationship is too close, it will not be far from Honkai.
Fudan professor Chen Guo once said:
Keep your distance from each other. When you get too close to a person, you see their exaggerated shortcomings. ”
It's like looking in the mirror. Too close, all you see is coarse pores and a shiny face. Only with the right enough distance can you appreciate beauty.
There is a line in "Margaret and David Green Bean":"The most appropriate distance between people is to stop in moderation, the closer you go, the farther you feel, no matter how much you love that person, you can't be too close. Before a long time comes, we have to learn how to separate. "
yes!No matter what it is, the more you care about the result, the more you are engaged, and the more you invest, the easier it is to get lost, and the more you can't achieve the desired result. It's like loving someone and wanting to be closer to them. But will you really be happy when you get along without distance?Will you reap happiness?
There is nothing inherently wrong with loving someone, but if you use an almost extreme way, such as a message to be answered in seconds, you have to listen to everything I say, and I have to satisfy everything I want. Loving someone in such an uncomfortable way is not love, but a burden to the other person.
Love is happy and comfortable. Loving someone is not all that is in control, too much force will only make the love disappear quickly, and when the other party's patience and endurance are exhausted, it is also the time to break up. No matter how much you love someone, you should also give them the respect and freedom they deserve.
If it's too close, you'll get bored, if it's too far away, you'll feel insecure, it's easy to fall in love, but it's too difficult to get along. It is difficult to master the distance between yourself and your lover, to be close and maintain an appropriate sense of alienation.
The more you focus on a person or an event, the harder it is to make accurate judgments. Just like looking in a mirror, if you are too close, you can only see a part, and it is a part that magnifies the shortcomings, and more parts are ignored and ignored.
Even if they are husband and wife, they are still independent individuals, and no one is an accessory to anyone. As Lawrence said, "Love should give people a sense of freedom, not captivity." ”
There are many ways to care about a person, whether it is dependence or trust, but no matter which one you have, you should maintain a reasonable balance.
Therefore, he does not reply to messages in seconds, does not appear in front of you in the first place, is not by your side 24 hours a day, and you should not speculate whether he does not love you anymore. It would be ridiculous to use the second of the message to judge whether it is love.
Do what you have to do, party with friends when you want to, and leave some space for yourself and each other. A little farther away, but you can love a little more.