1 Last night, my wife worked overtime, so I took out my private collection of a thousand oceans and put it in front of the girl: Niuniu, look, Dad is rich, come and kiss Daddy!
As a result, this morning, my wife told me that she had a crush on a dress that happened to be 998!
When did my little padded jacket defect to the enemy?
2 Today I went to the vegetable market to buy crayfish, by the way I bought a bag of salt, after the boss weighed it, I put the salt on the scale, the net weight of 500 salt turned out to be only 450 grams. I looked at the boss, and he glared at me, and then "chirp" all the crayfish for me were poured, and said: This is really shameless.
I'm also drunk with this cheek!
3 In the morning, passing by a friend's house, my friend's nephew cried and refused to go to school, my friend took a small stick to scare, and the little guy was forced to go out by his father's obscenity
4 My dad has a scar on his forehead, and I also have a scar on my forehead, and I always thought it was genetic. Later, I heard from my mother that when I was a child, my dad threw me to play on the bed, but it was thrown high, and I flew directly behind him and hit my head on the closet, my face covered in blood. My grandfather was so distressed that he picked up his cane and hit my dad on the head.
5 families live on the 23rd floor, and the elevator broke down when they went home, so they had no choice but to climb the stairs.
Tired and half-dead climbed to the 16th floor and found that the elevator was running, I quickly ran to wait for the elevator, and went up to find that I was going to the 1st floor, and I thought that I would sit up again after a while.
After reaching the first floor, a maintenance master came in and said that the elevator was being repaired, please take the stairs!
6 Yesterday I went out with my boss for the first time, and when I got to dinner, I ate together, thinking that I must be clever and pay for it myself, so that I can be promoted and raised. The food was almost over, and as soon as the boss put down the chopsticks, I immediately shouted: The boss pays the bill!Then he took out his mobile phone and was about to pay, but he saw the boss go to check out with a confused face.
7My friend often borrowed things from me, and one day when he borrowed something, he was full of apologies and said, "I'm sorry to take it from you." ”
I said, "It's okay, whatever you want!". ”
He said, "It's better to let me do it, and you can use you to get it." ”
8Once, two friends, A and B, were walking in the park, and A suddenly said, "I found that every time my wife was unhappy, I bought her a bag, and she was immediately happy." After careful consideration, B replied, "It seems that your wife's cure for all diseases!"A said with a serious face, "Yes, especially for my wallet." ”
9The first time I dated a male god in a restaurant, I called the waiter very ladylike and said: The waiter will bring me some sanitary napkins....
The male god immediately laughed out of the sound of a pig!
10During the summer vacation, the 5-year-old baby wanted to write a letter to his kindergarten child, Beibei, so he went to ask his father for a pen and paper.
Good baby, you don't know how to write, how can you write to others?Dad asked curiously.
What are you afraid of, Bei Bei doesn't know how to read anyway!The baby said with a straight face.
11 picked up a mobile phone and was ready to return it to the owner, so he found a ** number in the mobile phone (the owner's sister).
After the other party connected, he said: Brother, what's the matter?
So I said, "I'm sorry, are you the sister of the owner of this phone?"Your brother lost his phone, I found it!
She heard this and said, "Oh, you wait a minute. Then I hung up the **.
About two minutes later. This ** rang, as soon as I answered it, I listened to the other party's woman say: Brother, your ** has been found!
12A man went to the doctor with stomach pain, and the doctor asked him about his eating habits, and the man said, "It's nothing, but I usually eat what my mother has left, I eat what my wife has left, and I also eat what my children have left." ”
The doctor said, "Buy a dog." ”
The man was shocked: "What?".I want to eat the rest of the dog?”
13Today the goddess asked me what I was good at, and I thought for a moment, and then said to her, "Below." "I saw her blushing and scolding me: hooligan. I don't understand, in four years of college, I learned more than 100 ways to eat instant noodles, isn't this a specialty?What are the girls now?