1. The wife is very similar to the mother-in-law. This is the background.
One time my wife was standing next to me, and I was engrossed in playing with my phone.
I don't know when my daughter-in-law left, but my mother-in-law came standing next to me.
I didn't look at it closely, I felt that it was my daughter-in-law, so I kicked my mother-in-law's buttocks, "Give the uncle some water." ”
2 The young lady next door seems to have fallen out of love, crying all morning, I saw that this was a good opportunity, quickly cleaned up, and took out the housekeeping skills to make lunch, invited her to come over and chat while eating, gentle comfort, she was full of food and drink and moved to me: "Thank you, really, I will treat you as my brother in the future!".”
3 school gate there are small hamsters for sale, the landlord is a girl, attracted by the cute little hamster, ready to buy one, and then the vendor said that there is a very cute purple cang, like to pretend to be dead, I picked it up and moved it really is not moving, instantly was cute, the next day after getting to the dormitory, I found that it was still not moving......That big brother, you come out for me, I promise not to kill you?
4. There was a mistake in the work, and the director asked me to make a review at the meeting, and I took the review book to review it carefully, and he said: In the future, I will change the things copied on the Internet and then hand them in!The little secretary on the side asked the director: How can you tell that she searched on the Internet?The director glanced at me, turned his face to the little secretary and said: Writing is too sincere, she can't write at this level!
5 There is a classmate A, who likes a girl C, but has never dared to pursue it, he has two buddies, so he helped him come up with an idea, and discussed a hero to save the beauty. On a miserable evening, the two buddies dressed up as hooligans, stopped them from coming home from school, and said with an indecent face: "Little girl, come, let's go have fun!."C: "Okay!".Classmate A leaned into the corner of the wall, looked at the backs of the three of them in the distance, and burst into tears.
6 The man was anxious to go to the toilet, and when he came to the toilet, he found that there was a long queue in the toilet, so he said to the person in front of him: I can't hold it anymore, can I go to the toilet first?
The man in front of the queue took out a piece of paper from his pocket and wrote: You still want to cut the line, you can at least speak, I don't even dare to speak!
7. The salary is too low, and I have repeatedly asked the personnel supervisor for a salary increase and have been refused, and this time I will talk about it for the last time with the mentality of becoming a benevolent person if I don't succeed.
Manager: I asked for a salary increase, otherwise I would quit. ”
Don't be impulsive, have something to say, or we'll all take a step back. ”
How to retreat?”
If I don't raise my salary, don't leave either. ”
8 The woman knew that the man liked her for a long time, and one day the woman asked: Silly boy, you have liked me for so long, why don't you chase me?M: I don't think it's possible. F: How do you know it's impossible if you don't chase it? As soon as the man heard it, he felt that there was a play, so he was courteous in front of her every day. After a while, the man confessed to her, but he was rejected, and he asked her angrily whyShe said coldly: I just use practical actions to tell you what is impossible!
On the 9th road, the girl coquettishly asked the boy to carry her, and the boy struggled to carry it.
I'm not very heavy, why do you have so much trouble carrying it?”
Because to me, you are the ...... the whole world”
The girl smiled like a flower, and the boy had to swallow back the words "the heaviest person" that had just come to his mouth.
10 In the winter of one year, one of my buddies collided with an old man on a bicycle, and both of them fell to the ground.
The buddy didn't dare to move, and after more than 20 minutes, the uncle got up and asked, "Young man, are you okay?"”
My buddy immediately got up and said, "Uncle, if you're okay, I'll be fine." ”
In winter, I lay on the ground for more than 20 minutes!
11 I sold the conductor, when it was empty a few days ago, there was no one at the window in the afternoon. A child was lying on my counter playing with a pen, looking up as he played, poked at the glass, blinked his big watery eyes and asked me, "Why are you locked up?"”
I smiled and said to him, "Because my sister doesn't study well." ”
He pouted: "You lie." ”
I said, "Really, I didn't lie to you. ”
He shook his head and retorted to me very seriously: "You are a liar, you are obviously an aunt." ”
12 women sleep, like the thumb unconsciously held in the palm of the hand, friends always say that I am as cute as a baby, for this is also complacent, until one day I saw a popular science tabloid said that one of the differences between the evolution of man and ape is a thumb in the outside and one in the fist, my friend looked at me meaningfully and said: It turned out that it was not evolved well.