Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Life Jokes Collection" (Attached: The weather is getting cold, everyone pay attention to keep warm!）
Tuesday night was a physics self-study class, and the teacher splattered on the podium about various physics theories. Suddenly, I rushed towards my seat, I wondered if I had been discovered, I immediately straightened my back and sat up, but the physics teacher walked up to the female classmate in the back row of me and confiscated the collection of jokes and jokes in his physics book on the spot.
The whole class was stunned, and exclaimed that the teacher had actually practiced clairvoyance, which could be found.
After the teacher stepped onto the podium, he said: "People who usually never pass the physics exam, I just said that I watched it so seriously today, and I laughed while watching!".It turned out that I was secretly watching a funny joke," the teacher said, holding up the book for everyone to see, only to see that the cover was printed with ".The jokes he says are a must-seeAt that time, I was glad that I was watching a ghost story, otherwise I would have been the one who was scolded.
When playing mahjong, the proprietress said that it was almost the New Year, homesick, and she missed the green onions in her hometown, and the dipping sauce was a delicacy in the world, and she could eat three in one breath in her hometown.
Two female colleagues echoed and said: "Good appetite, good health, no delicacies of the mountains and seas can compare to the taste of hometown" ......
I'm a big man, I've been fighting on the battlefield for decades, and I've had a good time, and I really can't say these words, so I dismantled the two, three, and four cylinders, and silently made a three-cake sheet.
The proprietress immediately shouted, "Hu!."”
Oops, brother, you're such a sycophant genius！This green onion cake doesn't want the proprietress to eat, and even the two, three or four tubes are disassembled and fed!）
I'm an emergency doctor, and today there was a handsome guy who had his finger cut off by a knife, and his thumb was broken.
Later, when he was asked to inform his family, the handsome guy took out his mobile phone and planted it for a second, and suddenly burst into tears, crying and saying: "Doctor, it's over, this phone can't be used, I can't remember the unlock password, and my thumb is gone!."“
Haha, big brother, this is a distressed mobile phone
The man was very annoyed and scolded the woman for being a disaster, and the woman asked: "You men always scold women for being a disaster, why do you still marry a woman?"”
The man said, "Haven't you heard of a blessing in disguise?"”
Dad likes to fight landlords very much, but he often loses until he runs out of beans.
When my boyfriend first came to my house, he gave my dad a million happy beans, and since then, my dad has said that this man can be married.
I just want to ask: Dad, a million beans are only ten yuan, and I am worth ten yuan
At the dinner table, for some reason, the topic of "brothers are like siblings, women are like clothes" suddenly discussed.
One of the green tea couldn't sit still and roared: "Women are indeed like clothes, but sister is a brand you can't afford to wear!."”
Everyone was speechless for a moment, and just as the green tea bitch was complacent and carried away, the dick sitting on the side silently replied: "Which brand-name dress has it not been tried several times?."”
As soon as the words fell, the applause thundered!
I have a girlfriend who is very beautiful and a well-known beauty in the circle of friends. I've been with her for more than ten years, and I've never used my own ** as a mobile phone desktop, and I never posted my own ** in the circle of friends.
It happened that during the small gathering that day, I found that she had changed her mobile phone again, which was quite good-looking, so I asked her: "Li, why did you change your mobile phone again?"”
My girlfriend said: "Don't mention it, I lost the mobile phone I bought in less than three months." ”
I went to take her mobile phone to take a look, and found that she used her own ** as the lock screen for the first time, and praised it: "How did you change the lock screen interface to a photo of yourself, it looks bright and moving." ”
The girlfriend replied helplessly: "Hey, if you lose your phone one day, if it is picked up by a man, it is much more likely to come back." ”
Wow, that's a good idea！In case a man picks it up, he will definitely return it to the beauty.,By the way, add a WeChat to each other!）
Hang out with a few buddies today.
One buddy said, "Brother, why are you tired of smacking dogs, like dementia?"“
I replied, "Well, you can all call me a dumb brother." “
My friend didn't think about it, so he called, "Stay brother." “
I immediately regained my senses and responded, "Well, my son is good." “
After my friend reacted for a long time, he chased me all over the street.
Huh?Stay brother, stay brother ......Dad, that's not what dad meant, hahaha, no wonder the streets are chasing you and fighting!）
A beautiful flight attendant has a good sense of humor, but she is very rigorous in her work.
On this day, when the plane was about to land at the airport, because many passengers had unfastened their seat belts in advance, she said on the radio: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and wait in your seats for the plane to come to a complete stop." We don't want you to arrive at your destination earlier than this flight. Thank you for your cooperation. ”
After listening to this, everyone laughed and fastened their seat belts
I used to work with four or five fellow villagers in other places to do water and electricity, and I often drank together and worshiped my brothers.
I have a girlfriend I met from playing games online and have been dating for 2 years, but I have never met each other's parents. I went home the day before yesterday, prepared some gifts, and planned to go to my girlfriend's house to talk about the engagement. As soon as he entered the door, he found that his father-in-law was his sworn brother.
At the end of the wine table, I picked up a full glass of wine, and said to my former eldest brother in front of my parents and girlfriends, as well as local uncles and auntsBig brother, this is the last time I call you big brother, from then on our brotherhood will be severed, and you will be my father in the future.
Haha, and a little bit of a smile, it's funny
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