Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Family Jokes Collection" (Attached: The weather is getting cold, everyone pay attention to keep warm!）
The son said, "Dad, can you not brag?"”
I said with a questioning face: "Your dad and I have been upright all my life, what are you bragging?"”
The son said, "Did your mother find out the private money you hid in my piggy bank?"”
I said, "You kid actually secretly watched your dad's joke?".”
The son said, "I didn't want to see you laugh. ”
I said loudly, "It's not a joke, so you just saw it all, what else are you asking?"”
The son said, "You only have nine yuan, why do you brag that you hid twenty yuan, and all the money that harmed me was confiscated." ”
Huh?Hahaha, laugh at me!）
My son is usually very careful in his homework, but today's math homework turned out to be wrong several questions!
I asked him, "Look at you, why did you get so many questions wrong!".Think about it and give me oneConfession
The son turned around silently, took out the correction fluid from the drawer and said, "Dad, now we are useless."Adhesive tapeyes, that will wear through the paper and give you a better correction fluid. ”
At that time, I remembered when I was a child, when I was reading without correction fluid, and when I made a mistake, I would apply saliva to it, and I would rub it with my fingers to rub off the original font, and sometimes I would use tape to glue off the original handwriting, but it would be easy to get through the paper.
When I was in high school, a boy wrote me love letters.
At that time, I took it home and showed it to my mother, but I didn't expect my mother to kill her at school the next day, all kinds of secret visits.
When I got home, my mother pulled me and said, "I inquired about this kid, he's quite handsome, and he's good at studying." How do you feel about people?Hurry up and send a letter, don't make people wait, if you like it, you have to catch it, there will be such a good one in the future
I thought to myself, "My mom, your daughter is only in high school!"I can't wait to give me Zhang Luo.
In fact, ten years ago, many parents discouraged falling in love while studying, and now, when it comes to which child has played a few girlfriends in elementary school, they are all talking about it
Today, my daughter-in-law and I went to the park with my father-in-law and mother-in-law, and my father-in-law and I walked to the front, at this time, my father-in-law asked me with concern: "Child, is my daughter not very good-tempered, does not let her talk back, kneels on the washboard when she makes a small mistake, and is locked out of the door when she comes home late?"You have to learn to endure it!”
I gave a thumbs up and said, "It's really my own daughter, you know her too well!".”
How did I know that my father-in-law said aggrievedly: "I know too well, it's exactly the same as her mother......."”
Suddenly, I felt two rake ears standing in the cold wind
I was idle today, ready to make dumplings to eat, and my three-year-old son was arguing to help, so he asked him to make them together.
After wrapping up for a while, my son suddenly said, "Mom, I forgot to wash my hands when I picked my feet just now."
I thought about it for a while and said, "It's okay, you can recognize the bag and keep it for your dad."
Oops, I'm laughing to death
Tonight, after dinner, the family talked about marriage.
My brother and father talked about my wedding bride price, and when it came to the key point, my brother patted the sofa and stood up and said, "Don't say anything, 600 yuan a catty." “
Dad said, "It's too cheap, why do you have to pay 1,000 yuan a catty." “
The elder brother came to say at this time: "But my sister is fat!."I have calculated that 800 times 160 catties is equal to 120,008, and it is estimated that it will increase by ten catties ...... years ago”
At that time, I picked up the pillow and beat my brother violently, and actually said that I was fat and could sell it for money.
The point is that my parents actually persuaded me: "Stop fighting, you have to reduce your exercise, otherwise what will you do if you lose weight!".”
Ah, I was isolated, woo-woo
My son is in junior high school, and when he comes home one day, he says to me: Dad, I'll test you a question
Xiao Ming borrowed 500 yuan from his father, 500 yuan from his mother, and 970 yuan to buy a pair of leather shoes. There are 30 yuan left, 10 yuan for my father, 10 yuan for my mother, 10 yuan for myself, 490 yuan for my father, 490 yuan for my mother, 490 + 490 = 980. Plus your own 10 pieces = 990. There are still 10 pieces to go to **?
My wife said at the time: "I'm not going anywhere, because we won't lend you money." ”
I also pandered at the time: "You kid, do all kinds of tricks to cheat us out of money every day!".”
Hehehe, the current parents are so fine
My girlfriend has a slight problem with kicking me (signaling that it's time to go to bed) when I'm having dinner and drinking with my friends if it's too late.
I remember the first time she came to my house, my parents were so happy that they couldn't close their mouths and made a big table of delicious food, and my girlfriend behaved very reservedly and silently lowered her head to eat.
My dad and I started talking and laughing after a few glasses of wine. Suddenly, my girlfriend kept kicking my feet, and I said angrily: "I'm chatting with my dad, this is my own home, why do you keep kicking me?"”
As a result, my girlfriend said, "I didn't kick." “
When I was about to get out of my temper, my mother said, "Son, I kicked it, go to bed!"“
I was embarrassed at the time, and I went back to my room and apologized to my girlfriend.
Let's see if you dare to drink next time!
My husband went to drink, and when I came home drunk at night, I was very angry, but I couldn't help but get angry at a drunk, so I put lipstick on myself, and then kissed my sleeping husband on the neck and face several times.
The next day, when my husband woke up, I started arguing with him and asking him where he had been yesterday.
When the mother-in-law heard the voice, she came to persuade her, and when she saw the lipstick mark on her son's face, she was slapped in the face.
For the next few days, my husband was trying to remember what he was doing that night when he was drunk!
Just now, a bee was dangling around the living room window, and my mother said, "Why are so many bees flying every day recently?" ”
Dad asked, "Did you kill one yesterday?"”
I received a message, "I guess I'm here to find my husband's body." ”
Dad said earnestly: "I guess I'm here to go to the grave." ”
Hahaha, this family is so humorous and funny!
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