As a typical and severe introvert, I am really very aware of the difficulties of introverts in this world: when I was a child, I didn't like to talk, I was always criticized by my parents, and it seemed that introverts were complete losers;When I grew up, I didn't like to socialize, and I didn't get seen for many efforts, and I missed a lot of opportunitiesWhen I had to walk into the crowd, I felt that the battery was quickly exhausted and I "froze" directly;Moments such as speaking at meetings, speaking in public, and greeting and exchanging pleasantries are all as if they are being tortured ......
With the label of "introvert", trying to play the role of an extrovert "normal person", struggling and unhappy. It wasn't until recently that I finally accepted my true self and finally saw the power and light of introversion!
If you're like me, you're such an introvert, I suggest you read the new book by counselor Wu Mian: "I'm Sorry, I May Be Allergic to People".
When I saw the title of the book, I felt kind, and I was allergic to peopleI'm sorry, isn't it just that introverts are difficult in this society?
After reading it, I have become more accepting and understanding of my introverted self, have a clearer understanding of the introverted personality, and have found solutions to many problems encountered in life.
In my opinion, this book is a survival guide for every introverted lonely person!Yes!Introverts can also live in this world with their heads held high, very well and comfortably.
Don't feel that introversion is a character flaw that needs to be changed!
According to the book, psychologist Carl Junger believes that the key to distinguishing extroversion from introversion lies in the direction of a person's mental energy.
Extroverts' mental energy points to the external real world, so they enjoy chatting and interacting with people.
Introverts, on the other hand, invest more in their inner mental world, and their inner awareness and thinking can give them a sense of satisfaction.
As Du Sujuan, a professor at East China University of Political Science and Law, said: "People will be afraid of society, but they are actually people with a strong sense of self, and they will feel pain if they refuse the discipline of powerful social forces." Social fear can also become a poet in life, which is not a bad thing. ”
Therefore, extroversion, like introversion, is just a way of life, both have their own unique value, and their personalities are only different and not good or bad.
Once, whenever someone asked me, "What are your shortcomings?"”
I blushed and whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm a bit introverted, slow to heat, and socially phobic." ”
But now, I would define introversion as a personality rather than a flaw.
I would confidently say, "I'm an introvert, and introversion is also an advantage, because introverted, I'm more productive, I'm more able to write, and I'm more focused on growth and thinking." ”
What we introverts need to do is not to change our nature, but to force ourselves to be a failed "extrovert".
Instead, you should find your own advantages and the rhythm of life that suits you, and tap your original potential in order to truly live your own life.
People who are at ease in social situations seem to be more likable, while introverts tend to have social difficulties.
If you want to completely get rid of those embarrassments and discomforts, first you need to adjust your mentality and have the courage to be yourself and be hated.
In the book, the author mentions three irrational perceptions that introverts need to change:
(1) I need to be social like an extrovert:Introverts need to accept their limitations, and we don't need to force ourselves to be someone else. For example, if others can speak well at the wine table, like a fish in water, and you find that you can't do it at all, then accept it calmly, admit that this is not your field of expertise, and it is not bad to be an unknown "dry rice person" with peace of mind.
(2) I can't make mistakes:Another psychological burden of introverts in social interaction is the fear of making mistakes, always thinking about whether they have said the wrong thing or whether they have said anything inappropriately, which will exhaust themselves. It is important to realize that problems arise as a part of life, and that the consequences of many mistakes are not as serious as we think. The important thing is to focus less on the problem and more on the harvest.
(3) I'm afraid that others won't like me:No matter how well you do, there will always be people in the world who don't like you, and you have to allow and accept that there are some people who don't like you. In interpersonal interactions, we can reserve some "unpopular" places for ourselves, so that even if something bad happens, the psychological impact it brings to us is limited.
In this fast-paced era, introverts and slow people seem to be a defect, we are not as easy to make friends as extroverts, but in fact, slow is also slow.
In the book, the author mentions, "Slow heat helps us to block out all insincerity. ”
Because of the slow heat, the threshold for making friends is very high, so only a few people can build a deep relationship with us, and these people are good friends who absolutely trust and can maintain a close relationship with us.
It's easy to forget a boisterous person, but it's hard to forget a sincere person!
Zhou Guoping once said: "People with extroverted personality are easy to get a lot of friends, but there are always few real friends." Introverts are lonely, and once they get friends, it's often true. ”
So, it's okay to slow down, be more patient, and give yourself more time.
We can not talk much, and we can also be in a comfortable social circle, but we must protect our sincerity and do our best in a down-to-earth manner. Only in this way will time be our good friend, and a good relationship will come slowly and steadily!
Introverts are not good at dealing with people and don't like to deal with relationships, especially conflicts.
How bad is it?Just like the author's metaphor: when facing the conflict of a relationship, like a primary school student facing calculus, he will fall into a state of Xi helplessness, often overwhelmed and do not know how to respond.
However, in life, it is inevitable to encounter conflicts, and blindly avoiding and compromising will put us in a very passive situation. Sometimes it is even because of our compromise that the other party has to gain an inch, and it hurts us again and again.
So, we must remind ourselves: you can not lose your temper, but you can't not lose your temper. Don't let go of your aggression easily, it's fundamental to your survival.
Of course, don't be afraid that tantrums will be annoying or lose your good name.
You know, people prefer people with personality over a perfect person because such people are more real.
If we look at the people around us, especially those who are mature and have achieved something, we will find that they all have one thing in common:
They don't hurt others easily, but they also don't blindly obey others. It is especially important for introverts to dare to show their aggression and defend their boundaries in the face of others' harm.
At work, introverts are not Xi to expressing themselves, many efforts and brightness are easy to be ignored, and if they are not valued, they will not be promoted, and their salary will stop, affecting their sense of achievement and value.
Down-to-earth is a good quality, but we do need to make our efforts visible to others.
How can introverts enhance their presence?
The author believes that introverts do not need routines and embellishments, as long as they use simple words to express information clearly and in an orderly manner. At the same time, there are many ways to express yourself, and writing is also very suitable for introverts. For example, weekly reports, and monthly reports are very important channels for superiors to understand work progress and work ability, and they should be taken seriously.
In addition to this, in my opinion, introverts should also give themselves more encouragement and tell themselves to be brave.
I once saw a netizen share a sentence said by a college counselor: "You don't have to be very extroverted, it's good to be introverted, but you must be brave when you need to speak." ”
We can be introverted, but when we need to go on stage, we must not back down, every small courage will accumulate into great strength and confidence, bringing us more courage.
6.Regardless of whether others think you are good or not, make yourself better first.
Introverts may be quiet, but they are not unknown, and among the celebrities we know, Newton, Einstein, Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, etc., are all introverts.
Therefore, no matter what others think of introverted personality, and no matter how noisy and interesting other people's world is, we must firmly find our own rhythm and strive to make ourselves better.
Rather than being insignificant in someone else's world, it is better to shine in your own world.
To make yourself better, you must first find your core strengths: it may be skills such as writing, programming, painting, and taste, it may be the ability to think, innovate, and act, or it may be the method and attitude ...... dealing with people
Of course, it must be something you are passionate about, something that you are passionate about and willing to work for, and love is the catalyst for potential!
The important thing is that you have to continue to polish and improve in this matter, the advantage of introverts is to accumulate steadily, maybe we will go a little slower at first, but as long as we keep working hard, we will go more and more steadily.
Someday, you too can be the one who amazes you all!Your ability is your confidence, and it is also the light that no one can ignore!
Written at the back: I like a quote from the book: "The world is noisy, may you be alone and lively." ”
Introverts have a small universe of their own in their hearts, and the light and splendor in it are equally moving!I wish every introvert can be braver, more determined, and more confident, and one day they will bloom in silence and become a sky full of stars.