Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Life Jokes Collection" (Attached: The weather is getting cold, everyone pay attention to keep warm!）
The stupidest thing I did when I was a kid!
In the second year of junior high school, he played a game in a game hall and was beaten up by a high school student.
I cried and walked out of the arcade to see the guy's bicycle parked on the side of the road, and I immediately ran home to take off the big lock of my dad's motorcycle and lock the guy's bicycle.
Not long after, I hid in the corner and saw the guy with a saw locking on the side of the road, and I snickered to myself, and cursed in my heart, "You deserve it."
Humming a little song, I came home to find that my father's motorcycle had been stolen, and my father was checking the surveillance in the community, and the surveillance showed that a junior high school student was ridden away by a masked middle-aged man twenty minutes after unlocking the lock.
My dad didn't say anything, and when he came home, he gave me a violent beating.
Eh, I really lost the watermelon and picked up the sesame seeds, no, I should have lost my wife and broken the soldiers, and I was beaten twice
Hey, you're a fucking genius!）
In the morning, I took the bus to work, and there was a huge blockage, and some people on the bus began to ask for leave.
I was thinking about how to explain if I was late, and when I was making a commotion, a person in front of me picked up the ** and said: "Manager, I may be late today, someone in the car just lost his mobile phone, the police came to investigate, and no one was let go." ”
After hearing her reason, I instantly worshipped!Immediately sent a message to the director!Hehe, I'm a chicken thief
I have a girlfriend who has been single, so I told my boyfriend's friend Gangzi about her QQ number and asked him to develop a ......
The guy went back and added his girlfriend QQ, and the two chatted on QQ.
Gangzi said, "Do you know Xiaoshu?"(My friends call me that).
Who knew that the best friend asked: "Is she beautiful?".”
Xiao Gang replied, "Beautiful!."”
The best friend replied: "Then we shouldn't know the same Xiaoshu!."”
I'll go and introduce you to someone, and you'll repay me like that!It's really my best friend.
One day when I got home from work, I took the bus because I had no change, so I voted five yuan.
A buddy followed closely after me saw that I invested five yuan, and also voted five yuan, and said: "I haven't come back for a year, and now the bus ** is rising so fast?."”
When I heard this, I laughed for a long time, then turned back to him and said, "Brother, the bus is two yuan, and I didn't have change to invest five yuan at that time!."”
Haha, kind of interesting!
My son is usually very careful in his homework, but today's math homework turned out to be wrong several questions!
I asked him, "Look at you, why did you get so many questions wrong!".Think about it and give me oneConfession
The son turned around silently, took out the correction fluid from the drawer and said, "Dad, now we are useless."Adhesive tapeyes, that will wear through the paper and give you a better correction fluid. ”
At that time, I remembered when I was a child, when I was reading without correction fluid, and when I made a mistake, I would apply saliva to it, and I would rub it with my fingers to rub off the original font, and sometimes I would use tape to glue off the original handwriting, but it would be easy to get through the paper.
Yesterday I went to the underwear store to apply for a job and stood all day.
In the evening, the hostess said to me, "Go back, this is not for you!".“
I was tired of the day, and I didn't say it sooner, so I got angry and asked, "Why?"“
The proprietress explained: "Your breasts are so big that customers turn their heads and leave when they see you." “
I shook my chest and walked away with my head held high.
Wow, the first time I heard such a dismissal rhetoric!It's kind of interesting!
I drank with a few colleagues at the bar, and when I was bored, I played Truth or Dare.
As a result, I chose to take a big risk when I lost.
A colleague asked me to use his phone to send "I love you" to my girlfriend three times.
When I took my phone and sent my girlfriend the first "I love you" - my girlfriend replied, "Are you?".”
When I sent the second "I love you" - my girlfriend replied: "Who the hell are you?".”
When I posted the third "I love you" - my girlfriend replied: "So naughty, are you Xiao Ming?."No, Xiao Ming doesn't know my mobile phone number, it must be Xiao Wang. ”
Ah, at that time, I was full of thoughts: how many boyfriends did these two girlfriends have?She actually said that I was her first love.
My buddy asked me seriously one day, "What do you think, marry someone like this..."Uh....A daughter-in-law like no other?”
I triumphantly replied, "This is a social experiment I conducted on how to eliminate visual pollution." ”
Then he asked me again, "What was going on in your mind when you two made out?"”
I sighed, "Well, that's my dedication to scientific research." ”
At that time, my friend laughed so much that tears remained
When I first got married, my daughter-in-law was fat, and I was thin.
Once I went to the shop to buy something, the shop was opened by an old lady in her sixties who was not very eyesighted, she took her daughter-in-law's hand and said: "Girl, eat less delicious food at home in the future, give him more food, don't always bully him, you see how thin he is, you are fat, what a good pair you two have!."”
As a result, the daughter-in-law replied: "Mother-in-law, I was swollen by him, and he abused me every day, and I couldn't go away." “
As a result, my mother-in-law gave me a scolding scolding.
When I was in high school, a boy wrote me love letters.
At that time, I took it home and showed it to my mother, but I didn't expect my mother to kill her at school the next day, all kinds of secret visits.
When I got home, my mother pulled me and said, "I inquired about this kid, he's quite handsome, and he's good at studying." How do you feel about people?Hurry up and send a letter, don't make people wait, if you like it, you have to catch it, there will be such a good one in the future
I thought to myself, "My mom, your daughter is only in high school!"I can't wait to give me Zhang Luo.
In fact, ten years ago, many parents discouraged falling in love while studying, and now, when it comes to which child has played a few girlfriends in elementary school, they are all talking about it
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