Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Family Jokes Collection" (Attached: The weather is getting colder, everyone pay attention to keep warm;Today's winter solstice, I wish you all a good winter solstice to eat and drink well!
My daughter was in kindergarten on her first day and came home and asked if I could bring snacks to school, but I didn't agree.
The next day, my daughter came home from kindergarten and said to me, "Mom, let me bring a handkerchief tomorrow!"”
I wondered, "Do you want a handkerchief?"”
The daughter said, "When other children eat snacks, I wipe my saliva." ”
It made me laugh at the time!
My son took the homework book and asked me to check it, I looked at it, pointed to the book and said, "This word has a crooked waist, that word is missing a leg, and your trauma is very serious!."”
said that the son was full of displeasure.
After a while, my son corrected his homework, and I looked at it again and said happily, "There are no external injuries." ”
At this time, my father asked, "Is there a wrong question?"”
My son glanced at me and said, "I'm a surgeon, I'm only in charge of surgery, and the wrong question belongs to internal medicine, so I'll find your wife." ”
Oh, I knew my son was going to be a doctor in the future."
At ten o'clock in the night, my father and my mother suddenly quarreled, my mother slammed the door and left, my father hesitated for a while, and said that he would open the door and go out to find her. I haven't come back for more than two hours, I thought about something, and I went downstairs to look for it, and found that they were playing mahjong in the mahjong hall in the community!
I sent out a polar bear "AhhhA loud roar: "Mom and Dad are really addicted to mahjong!."”
My son was in his third year of high school, and once I went to the school for a parent-teacher conference, the teacher left me alone to talk to me, and then said meaningfully, "Your son has his own ideas and has a bright future."
I asked worriedly, "What's wrong?"”
Teacher: "I asked him if he wanted to be the class leader?"He asked me what my annual salary was as a shift leader”
That year, after graduating from school, I had a dinner with a guest, and the money was not enough to spend, so I went home to eat with my father, and I was embarrassed to ask for more money.
Suddenly, my dad asked me, "Why can't you eat your worries, just ask me to help you nod!"”
I nodded deeply, "Thank you, Dad!."”
As a result, my dad brought my rice over and said, "Help you have a meal, thank you, little meaning!".The main thing is not to waste. ”
In the evening rush hour, there are a lot of people on the bus.
The bald domineering driver turned off the door and got out of the car, and suddenly someone shouted: "The bag is clamped!."
The driver didn't look back: "Didn't the person get caught?"He continued driving.
At the next stop, when the driver opened the door, he said, "Grab the bag, drag the bag up." ”
No one paid attention, and the driver was furious: "Didn't you say that you were bagging?"Who's kidding me?“
At this time, someone replied weakly: "The person who is in the bag did not come up, but he came up." ”
Suddenly, everyone in the car laughed!
Once, after dinner, I jokingly asked my four-year-old daughter: "Our family is going to raise a pig, but we need to arrange work, we have to choose one person to feed the pig every day, one person to clean the pig's room every day, one person to bathe the pig every day, and one person to play with the pig every day, what are you going to do?".”
Without hesitation, the daughter replied, "I'm going to be a pig!."”
When I was a child, I played crazy outside until it was dark before I remembered to go home for dinner. It just happened that the power went out again, and the courtyard was dark. Mom and my brother and sister have already had dinner. In the dim light, I rushed to the dining table, pointed to the black thing in the bowl and asked them what it was. The elder brother and sister hurriedly said, "It's beef." ”
I was so hungry that I couldn't even hold my chopsticks, so I picked up a piece and prepared to eat it, but before I could put it in my mouth, they laughed.
My sister said, "That's leftover sweet potato skins." ”
When I woke up in the morning, I saw a bottle on the table with "cereal" in it, so I ate it for breakfast, and it was quite chewy.
After a while, my brother came back from morning exercise, finished washing and combing, sat at the table to get a pedicure, and suddenly asked my younger brother: "Have you seen the bottle I put on the table, which contains the skin of my feet." “
At that time, I hurriedly ran to the toilet and vomited me, and I couldn't breathe.
Our family hasn't eaten on time for a week in a row, for a simple reason, my wife recently bought a new gadget, and she studied there all day and didn't cook.
At the end of the week, my son said to me, "Dad, I'm dying of hunger. ”
Dad said, "Son, when you're hungry, look in the mirror." ”
My son asked me suspiciously, "Won't you be hungry if you look in the mirror?"Daddy".
Dad looked at Mom and smiled evilly, "I don't know, but your mom hasn't eaten much since she bought a floor-to-ceiling mirror last week." ”
Oops, I'm laughing to death, hahaha
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