What is the most promising child in the family?The answer is very uniform, is this the case in your family?
In families with many children, children are often inevitably compared to each other. During the walk, it is common to hear mothers whining:
Among the three children in my family, the second child is very caring and eloquent, as if he can understand the thoughts of adults.
Of the 2 children in my family, my sister is more aggressive and always likes to fight with her sister for things;And my sister doesn't ask so much, and she is very independent;
Have you noticed that in a family with many children, there will always be one child who will be very caring, while the other child may be more rebellious and domineering.
So, why is this happening?Could it be that the birth order really affects a child's personality, IQ, and even fate?
In order to figure out this problem, Wenwen's father consulted relevant research at home and abroad and found that birth order does have a certain impact on children. Let's take a look at whether this is the case in your family.
01 Does a child's birth order really have an impact on personality?Have you ever heard of the "birth order effect" theory proposed by psychologist Adler?
This theory asserts that children in different birth orders in the same family may have different personality and behavioral traits due to their different rankings, and that their final achievements in adulthood will also differ.
Taking Wenwen's family as an example, there are three brothers and sisters, Wenwen is the eldest, born in the 80s, and there is a younger sister and a younger brother below, all of whom are born in the 90s.
As the eldest son in the family, Wenwen was instilled by his parents from an early age with the concept of "eldest brother is like father", not only to take care of his younger sister and younger brother, but also to set a good example for them.
In order to meet the expectations of his parents, Wenwen has been extremely demanding of himself since he was a child. After school, he was always the first to finish his homework, then tutored his sister and younger brother with their homework, and helped his parents prepare dinner. Therefore, he has been a "good child" in the hearts of his parents since he was a child.
In order to maintain the image of a "good child", Wenwen is usually reluctant to take risks or participate in risky activities. Therefore, in adulthood, he also tends to prefer a more stable job in his career choice.
Whereas, the younger sister and the younger brother are different, protected by their parents and older brother, they are more rebellious and adventurous. Especially my sister, as the second child, is better at competition and resistance, and at the same time performs better in social aspects.
The younger brother grew up pampered by the whole family, and his behavior was either reckless about the consequences or dependent on others. His rebellious and eccentric behavior is also more pronounced.
Taken together, we can derive the following personality analysis:
Boss: Strong sense of responsibility, not good at taking risks.
As the eldest child in the family, the eldest usually has a strong sense of responsibility. Because of their parents' expectations, they have to play the role of "caregivers". Although he has a strong sense of responsibility, he is also relatively obedient in character.
Behind this strong sense of responsibility is often accompanied by self-pressure and a sense of responsibility towards parents and siblings.
Second: good at competition and dare to resist.
There are some disagreements among domestic and foreign psychologists about the research on the second child. Adler believes that in order to gain more attention, the second child may cater to the interests of his parents and the eldest, so he is more outgoing and social. However, domestic psychologists believe that the second child has a weak sense of existence and may show a lack of self-confidence and rebellion.
02 Does the order in which a child is born affect the choice of a child?According to psychologist Adler's theory of the "birth order effect", children's ranking in the family may influence their career choices. Wen Wen's father's family has three children, Wen Wen is the eldest and born in the 80s, and his sister and younger brother are born in the 90s.
Bosses are usually driven by a sense of responsibility and are more inclined to choose some seemingly stable profession, such as a doctor or lawyer. This is because they have been instilled with the concept of "elder brother as father" from an early age, and they need to take care of their younger sister and younger brother while setting an example for them. As a result, bosses tend to have a strong sense of responsibility, but they are also more obedient.
According to a survey, 43% of the CEOs are the eldest, 33% are the middle children, and 23% are the youngest children.
The second or third child is more inclined to look for some adventurous and challenging work, such as racing driver, ski instructor, sales, etc. This theory is also confirmed by the career choices of the younger sister and younger brother, the younger sister has chosen to work in sales, while the younger brother has started a business, which is a more challenging career.
In general, the birth order of children may affect their career choice to a certain extent, but the specific situation is also affected by other factors, such as personal interests, personality traits, etc.
03 Does the birth order of a child affect his IQ?In a family with two children, some parents will say: the second child is smarter than the eldest!But does the birth order have an impact on a child's IQ?
Some studies have found that in the same family, there is no obvious correlation between the IQ and personality of children in different birth orders. After Wen Wen's father looked at the relevant studies, he found that there are still some controversies in these studies.
Take the three brothers and sisters of the Su family in the hit drama "It's All Good" as an example, especially Su Mingyu and Su Mingcheng. According to the research results of psychologists, Su Mingyu, who is the third in line, should be the darling of the family, while Su Mingcheng, who is the second in line, may develop a humble and polite personality.
However, this is not the case. Under Su's mother's different treatment of male daughters, Su Mingyu has shown the characteristics of independence and assertiveness since she was a child, and has achieved great success when she grows up;And Su Mingcheng has become a relatively unproductive and dependent family person under the difference in family expectations and treatment.
This is at odds with some findings suggesting that birth order does not always have a correlation with a child's personality and achievement. The actual situation may be more influenced by other factors, such as family environment, education style, etc.
04 Children's behavior is mainly influenced by the way parents treat them Although a child's birth order does not have a significant impact on his IQ and personality, the book "Birth Order" mentions that in fact, the birth order directly affects the way parents treat their children.
There is a sentence that netizens often say: the first child is raised according to the book, and the second child is raised according to the pig!A colleague shared her experience, she said that after the birth of her daughter, she and her husband bought a large number of parenting-related books, and have been reading and playing with her daughter since she was two years old. But after the birth of a son, the time spent with him decreased, and the standard of childcare dropped significantly.
In addition to the birth order, the gender of the child also affects how the parents treat them, for example, parents may ask the eldest to take care of the second.
In a family with many children, parents should do as much as possible:
Don't label the boss.
When raising multiple children, parents should not label the eldest too much. Parents should avoid reminding the eldest to take care of the second child, and if the eldest is willing to take care of her, they should gladly accept it, but they cannot ask her to take care of her just because she is an older sister.
In Wenwen's father's opinion, the eldest is not half a parent, and she just wants to be a child who is favored by her parents. Therefore, the label of "taking care of the second child" cannot be attached to her.
Don't let the second child's "little trick" succeed.
Parents often say that the second is smarter than the eldest. However, these "little tricks" often succeed because of the concessions of older siblings and the compromise of parents. Parents should guard against these "little tricks" in the process of parenting, and cannot always let the child succeed, so as not to cause unfairness to the boss.
Interactive topic: Do you think the birth order of a child will affect a child's personality and career choice?