1 In the morning, I passed by the fruit stall and saw that there were oranges for sale, and I asked the proprietress how to see if the oranges were sweet or not
She is very philosophical and says, "As long as you like it, it is sweet." ”
So I picked it by feeling, didn't want the small ones, didn't want the ones with unsmooth surfaces, and bought six pounds to go home.
In the afternoon, I passed by the fruit stall, and an aunt asked the proprietress "Is this orange sweet?"”
She said, "Absolutely sweet, one guy picked out all the unsweet ones in the morning and bought them all." ”
2. My cousin, who just went to college, came to me and cried, saying that she was tanned after military training, and her boyfriend couldn't stand it and wanted to break up with her. I comforted her: This kind of stinky man, don't do it, such a good girl doesn't know how to cherish it, what's wrong with black spots, can I be black no matter how black it is?My cousin burst into tears and laughed: Well, my sister is so dark, no one has ever wanted it, and she is so optimistic, I want to learn this spirit from my sister!
3 A female colleague in our unit confessed successfully to a male colleague in another department, her way of confession was very special, she cried in front of the male colleague, and the male colleague asked her why she was crying, she said, I don't know why, the first time we met, I felt that you were my long-lost child and his father.
4 When I was a child, I wrote a dream in an exam, "When you grow up, you want to do it-" The test paper was sent down, and the teacher commented that your dream could not be realized, and scored 0. I remember that time I came home crying, and then my mother was so anxious when she read my exam paper that she said to me every day, "You are a boy, you can't be a woman."
5. Recently, I learned to drive, and the driving school instructor has a particularly bad temper. Just scolded me: Why are you so stupid?Putting a steering wheel around a dog's neck is better than driving it!I can't be angry, so I put down a cruel sentence: You wait for me, I want you to look good, and then run home. After a while, I led a giant Tibetan mastiff to the coach with trembling legs and roared: "You let it go!".Open! !
6 An elderly couple is reluctant to cook, they play cards to decide who loses and who does, and they use objects in life as cards.
The old man took out a pair of hoes and put them on the table and said, "One pair of sevens."The old woman took out two gourds and said, "One pair of eights."
The old man took out two eggs and said, "A pair of eggs," and the old woman took out a pair of tongs and said, "A pair of pointed eggs."
The old man grabbed the two ducks and said, "One against two," and the old woman hugged her grandchildren and put them on the table and said: "A pair of little ghosts;."
The old man hugged the old woman on the table and sat down on it himself and said, "A pair of big ghosts." Then the old woman suddenly laughed, and she let out a fart and said: Bomb!Then the old man lost and went to cook.
7 taught my wife to learn to ride a motorcycle, she was very nervous, two hours of clutch brakes and confused, but I have been soft-spoken and slowly taught.
The wife said shyly: Husband, you are so gentle today, you haven't lost your temper.
I jokingly replied to her: Men teach their wives to roar, and teach other people's wives to coax. I'm thinking about teaching other people's wives, but of course ......not
Before she finished speaking, she twisted the accelerator and drove directly into the rice field!
8 An old lady was sick and asked the old Chinese medicine doctor to cut the pulse, and after cutting the pulse, the old Chinese medicine doctor sighed: "You can eat whatever you want......When the family heard this, they wept one after another, and then listened to the old Chinese medicine doctor continue: ......This little illness doesn't need to be taboo at all.
9Don't complain that life is too tiring, just break out. Like I used to be nothing, now many people come to me every day, and even the million-dollar boss takes the initiative to greet me when he sees me: "Waiter, come here".
10My best friend is a very capable woman, once invited her and her husband to come to the house to play, I cut watermelons for them, she asked her husband to pick out the watermelon seeds one by one, saying that she really can't see anything with seeds. Seeing them show their affection, the husband on the side finally couldn't bear it anymore and silently went to the refrigerator to take out the dragon fruit!
11 Your children and my children, are beating our children!
I am married to a widow. She has six children and I have five. We got married and had three children.
One day, my wife came running in and said to me, "Get out into the yard, quick!"It's horrible.
What's wrong?I said.
Alas!She said, "Your child and my child are beating our children."