1 little niece came back and said that she was praised in school today, the family was overjoyed when they heard it, and hurriedly asked why they were praised, and the little niece said that everyone else went out to play after class, and she was doing homework in the classroom alone, and the teacher praised her for being a stupid bird flying first.
When the family heard this, their faces were distorted.
2 I just went to the night market, bought two pots of pothos, passed by the watermelon stall and picked two big watermelons. After paying, the daughter-in-law asked the boss: "Can I weigh a ** with yours?""The owner said no problem. I saw my daughter-in-law standing up cautiously, and I didn't see the numbers clearly, and the screen went black!By the way, I forgot to tell you that the watermelons sold by the boss are really expensive, and the two of them will cost me 500 yuan!
3 Da Liu received ** from his old classmate, only to hear ** say: "I haven't been in touch for many years, where are you?."”
Da Liu thought for a while and said, "I'm sending money to my relatives!."”
The old classmate hurriedly said: "It's just right, lend me some money, I have an urgent need, which bank are you in?."I'm going to look for you. ”
Da Liu said calmly: "I went to the grave in my hometown and was burning paper, do you want to come?"”
4 When I was in elementary school, the little children were ignorant, and they knew that they were bad if they didn't know how to express themselves. I remember liking a girl and bullying her a lot, and once I lit her hair with a lighter and covered her head with my coat. She kicked me with a flying leg, grabbed my ear, and shouted, If you dare to tease the old lady again?Now that I think about it, I regret it, I should have molested her again.
5 I have two million now, don't think I'm very powerful, this money was not given by my parents, nor was it won in the lottery, but I typed it word by word. Don't think two million is a lot, I can still type two tens of billions.
6One day, when he saw a child smoking, he immediately advised, "Smoking is bad for your health, so quit it."He said, "You can't quit." I asked, "Why?".He replied proudly: "My grandfather smoked, my father smoked too, and I can't stop the incense when it's my turn." ”
7 noon riding an electric car to pick up the child from school, waiting for the child at the school gate to get out of school, the female driver on a small car passing by found that she was going the wrong way, turned around at the school gate, out of awe of the female driver, several parents of the child who sat on the electric car got out of the car and hid far away from the ......
Sure enough, the female driver stepped on the accelerator, and more than a dozen electric cars parked on the side of the road fell down like dominoes!
8 sleeping and playing with the phone, there is a little bug that keeps flying on the screen. I didn't press it for a long time, and then my wife said, "What are you playing, give me the next one." I took her phone and turned off my screen, and the little bug was smoothly attracted to her phone screen. I handed it to her and said, "It's just a life, save some fun." ”
9While the snail was walking, he met a snake, and the snake said to the snail, "Everyone laughs at you for walking too slowly!". ”
The snail was angry: "I'm slow?".Try it by letting them walk on their stomachs. ”
Snake: "I just walk on my stomach."
Snail: "Then you can take a walk around the house on your back." ”
10 The daughter had a cold, and was a little afraid of the cold, so she refused to sleep alone, so she ran to the big bed at night and hugged her mother tightly.
Me: "Baby, why don't you hug Daddy?"”
Daughter: "Dad has to go to work every day, and he has to pick me up and take me to school, I don't want to infect him with a cold!." ”
11 Two days ago, a senior girl ran out of money in the field, I called her for 500 emergencies, and she was moved to say that the senior is so good, I love you, be my boyfriend. Brother decisively refused, because he wanted to be my girlfriend and not pay back, dream!
12 At first sight.
Xiao Wang has been in love recently, but every time he chats with his girlfriend online. Xiao Zhu, who was in the same dormitory, reminded him that when the time was ripe, he must meet, otherwise there would be no breakthrough in the relationship between the two. Xiao Wang was right to think about it, so he told his girlfriend on the Internet, and it happened that his girlfriend also had this idea. After returning from the meeting, Xiao Zhu asked him how he felt. Xiao Wang said with a bitter face: "My girlfriend said that the two of us fell in love at first sight. "Love at first sight?That's good wow!Xiao Wang said bitterly: "What's the matter, she said 'the end of love at first sight', not the 'bell' of 'love', but the 'end' of 'termination'!."”