1. I don't wear makeup on weekdays, and I suddenly want to wear heavy makeup one day. When I'm done, I'd like to show my cat first. It looked at me twice. Frightened, he hid and accidentally hit the door.
2When I went to my wife's house for the first time, no one asked me for a drink at all, so I thought that my wife should have greeted me in advance. It's not that I said, I really haven't been very drunk when I drink, not because I drink a lot, but because I fell into the water once I was drunk, and then I didn't dare to drink too much.
3 Once I met an old lady shopping, the old lady came over and took my hand excitedly and said: Girl, you really look like my deceased 20-year-old daughter, can you call me Mom?I looked at it, I felt that the old man was very pitiful, so I called: Mom, and then the old man said thank you, and left satisfied, I was also very happy to see the smile on her face, and I would go to the cashier to settle the bill, and the cashier said: Your mother hasn't settled yet!
4. When I met a child eating ice cream in the elevator hall, I reminded him with concern: "Be careful not to catch a cold." The child proudly told me that his grandmother lived to be 103 years old. I was curious and asked, "Is it because of ice cream?"The child said proudly, "No, my grandmother never likes to meddle with other people's affairs!""Suddenly it dawned on me that the secret of longevity is not to worry about it!
5 At lunchtime, a female colleague of mine said to me with concern, "You need to pay more attention to your body. I said, "Why do you say that all of a sudden?"She said, "Because you drink too little water." I asked her how she knew, and she said, "Because you haven't been to the bathroom all morning." I asked her curiously, "How do you know?"She replied solemnly: "From morning until now, your zipper has not been closed." ”
6 I asked my wife loudly: "Why are you hiding it from me and others?"She explained: "It's not to hide it from you so as not to make you sad. "You see, how can I not feel pity for such an understanding wife?
7. There is a female manager in the company, who is very beautiful.
That day, she said to Lao Wang, "Are you free for weekend nights?"Lao Wang frowned and thought to himself, good luck has finally come. Hurriedly replied: "Yes!."There are ...She said, "Then go to bed early!"I heard you're late every Monday!It's not good....Lao Wang was suddenly messy!
8. A pair of cuties on a blind date next to me laughed to death. Girl: "Then I asked directly, how much do you earn every month now?"Man: "The salary is more than 6,000, and you can win 1,000 a month playing mahjong with colleagues, which is very stable." ”
9 Find a master to touch the bones and tell fortunes, he touched it for a long time, with a serious expression.
I asked, "Master, have you figured out anything?"”
Master: "Rare!."It's the first time I've met you like this. ”
I hurriedly said, "Won't it?".What the hell is going on??
Master: "You can't touch the bones at all, it's all meat!."”
10Today, I heard my dad's friend tell the story of their reading again!said that they had to divide the same table between men and women at that time into 38 lines!My mom was my dad's former junior high school classmate!My mom crossed the 38th line!I was slapped back by my dad!I heard the instant petrification!I admire my dad so much, I envy it!And when I was studying!If there is a woman next to her, it will be Amitabha!
11 An uncle went to a big bank to withdraw money, walked directly to the window, and the security guard came over and said, "Uncle, press the number." Uncle: "What?".Security: "Press the number." The uncle thought to himself, it is worthy of a big bank, and it is necessary to use a password to withdraw money, so he whispered to the security guard: "The king of heaven covers the tiger." The security guard helplessly helped the old man press out a queuing ticket, and the old man thought: I was scared to death, I was actually blinded by me!
12I just discussed with my wife where to eat delicious food, and asked: Do you want to bring your daughter with you?My wife said with certainty: No. I said, "It's not good for the two of us to go happy without her?"Wife: In the future, she and her husband will go to eat well, may she take you?
13 The three responsibilities of being a woman: 1. Detonate your own man and let him fly. 2. Take care of his family. 3. Be an extraordinary and unique self.