1 Me and my best friend, I'm skinny and she's fat. We have always admired the head of the ball, and I think it is so elegant and beautiful. So one day we both combed our balls. So we looked at the Taoist priest and sumo in the mirror and fell into deep thought!
2I have a little nephew. Once when he was sick, his mother took him to the hospital for an injection and came back with a crying voice: "I want to become a turtle." Ask him why he turned into a turtleAnswer: "Turtles have large hard shells that can't be pierced by needles."
3 Once when I was cooking braised fish, my son came into the kitchen and asked me what are the characteristics of this fish
I told him, "This is chilled fish, and braised fish is more delicious." "Then let him see what I did.
The next day I was at work, and my wife called me: "How do you teach your children!."The characteristics of writing about fish in class essays, other children write about fish with bulging eyes and wagging tails ......Just our child wrote a braised fish recipe.
4On the way to get off work at night, I saw two girls tearing and scolding each other. I quickly ran over and pulled the two apart: let go!Stop fighting!Don't fight yet!The girls on both sides were stunned when they saw this. I patted the girl who wanted to fight, and said to him earnestly: Don't worry, I have a few friends who haven't come over yet!And then they really stopped fighting, and they came over and slapped me together!
5 When I was in elementary school, a classmate bought a bag of yogurt, but before I could drink it, the class bell rang. He didn't know what to think at the time, so he put the yogurt in the hat he was wearing!As a result, in the middle of the class, he was dishonest and was discovered by the physical education teacher. The PE teacher rushed up and slapped him on the head!Immediately, the yogurt came down my head!The physical education teacher screamed and took three steps back!
6 Lao Liu said to his wife after returning home: "Today I rushed into the boss's office like a lion, banged the table with my fist, and demanded an increase in wages. "What's the matter, what did he say?"Lao Liu said: "The boss is not in the office. ”
7The wife was reading a book, and she read it to her husband, "Life begins with the cry of oneself and ends with the cry of one's relatives." ”
My husband said: "On the contrary, life begins with the laughter of relatives and ends with the laughter of relatives - the richer the person, the more so." ”
Why?"Relatives have inheritance. ”
8When I got home, I smelled the fragrance and asked my girlfriend what I had madeMy girlfriend said casually: "Spicy cabbage beef fragrant pot, hurry up and taste it." "I took a small sip of the soup, it tasted familiar, it was good, and asked her how to make it?My girlfriend brought over a pot of instant noodles and said, "I can't buy hot sauce, it's made with instant noodle seasoning!."Saying that, my girlfriend pulled the incense pot in front of her, pointed to me and said, "Hurry up and eat, don't waste it."
9 After shopping at the supermarket and checking out, I saw an old lady in front of me consuming 498 yuan, she took out 100 and handed it to the cashier. The cashier looked at your drawer and found that there was no change, so he asked her: Auntie, do you have 50?The old lady smiled from ear to ear, and replied happily: "It's still 50, and my son is over 40."
10On this day, while looking in the mirror, my wife said to herself, "You have gray hair, and you are old!"Then she crossed her waist with her hand, "People are also fat." Finally she turned to her husband and said, "Praise me, my dear, and let me regain some self-confidence." ”
The husband was playing with his mobile phone and replied without raising his head: "Wife, your eyesight is so good!".”
11 The most desperate thing in the world is that when the aunt Tiantuan who danced in the square downstairs was on time, I suddenly found that I could sing every song!And he squirmed unconsciously while singing!I unknowingly twisted three songs!The mouth shouts no, but the body is very honest!
12 found my sister-in-law and hugged a stupid man who was dressed very delicately!What to do?
One day I went out with my wife, and she was tired in the subway, so she rested with her hands around my neck. Suddenly, the phone rang, and my wife grabbed it and took a look. The text message reads: "Report Big Brother!".Found my sister-in-law in the subway and hugged a stupid man who was dressed very delicately!!What to do?