My name is Li Mei, I am 32 years old, married and I am 7 months pregnant. I used to work in sales for a foreign company, but because I was pregnant, I had to quit my job and take a break until my child was one year old before returning to work.
My mother-in-law, Zhang Li, is 56 years old this year, retired at home, with a more traditional and conservative personality, and claims to be disciplined about me and my children. My relationship with my mother-in-law has always been in a delicate balance, she likes to point fingers, and I can only swallow my anger.
A few days ago, I told my mother-in-law that I planned to quit my job and rest at home for a year, and she immediately said that she could help me take care of the children, but I needed to pay her 4,500 yuan a month for nanny. I was very surprised at the time, thinking that she, as her grandson's grandmother, should take the initiative to help bring it, why should I pay her?I tactfully expressed my confusion, but my mother-in-law insisted that it was her labor and that she needed to pay for it.
When I returned home, I was very distressed and felt that my mother-in-law was too unreasonable. I discussed with my husband Li Qiang, and he said, "Mom is helpless like this, so you can tolerate it." "I was very sad to see my husband protecting my mother-in-law. Lying alone in bed at night, my mind is full of my mother-in-law's words, and I toss and turn and find it difficult to sleep.
So I meditated hard, and I also wanted my mother-in-law to take care of the children, after all, I really couldn't bear it alone. I will discuss with my husband again, and ask him to talk to his mother-in-law well, hoping that she can be accommodating. My mother-in-law still used the same rhetoric and insisted that I give her 4,500 yuan a month. I was furious and went straight to reason with my mother-in-law.
Mother-in-law, it's a matter of course for my family to let you take your grandson, how can you ask me to pay you so much?I said to my mother-in-law.
The mother-in-law disagreed: "In today's society, I help you take care of the children is labor, and you have to be paid for labor, which is justified." ”
I was even angrier and raised my voice and said, "I don't have any income now, how can I have so much money for you?".I resigned in the hope that you could help me take care of my grandson, why do you want me to pay you so much?”
The mother-in-law also became excited and said: "I have a pension of 3,000 yuan now, and you let me take care of the child full-time, who will pay for my living expenses?"I still have my own life needs, and I can't just think about you mother and daughter. ”
I heard my mother-in-law say this and felt that she was too selfish: "Don't say anything kind enough to help me take care of the child, you are obviously making profits!".”
When my mother-in-law heard me say this, her face turned red with anger: "Li Mei, what are you talking about?".I'm your mother-in-law, how can you say such ugly things?”
I also got angry: "What's wrong with what I said?".You are obviously helping me take care of the child for money, and what do you say that the mother and daughter are justified?Aren't you contradicting yourself?I really misread you!”
When my mother-in-law heard me being so tough, she was also annoyed and angry: "Okay, since you think I'm so unauthentic, then forget it, I won't help you take care of the child." You can figure it out yourself!”
When my husband came back and saw me with a sad face, he quickly asked what had happened. I recounted the argument I had with my mother-in-law. My husband shook his head helplessly: "You and my mother are reasonable, but what should I do now that the relationship is stiff?"”
I was also very anxious and said, "I originally wanted to ask your mother to help me take care of the child wholeheartedly, but she insisted that I pay, how could I have so much money for her?"I'm unemployed at home now, and I quit my job because I want to take care of the children myself. ”
My husband held my hand and said, "I understand you, but in fact, my mother is also in trouble." She doesn't have a lot of pension, and she does lose some of her income if she takes care of her children full-time. We young people must not only think about ourselves, but also think about the elderly. ”
I quickly said, "No, no, I'm very touched that you can help me with my child." It's just that I have limited financial ability now and can't give you that much money, so we can find a way from other aspects. ”
The mother-in-law nodded and said, "You're right, I can actually reduce some expenses, if you can give me 2,000 a month, it's barely enough." The most important thing is that the child can be accompanied by someone who cares about him, and the problem of money can be solved slowly. ”
I said happily, "Mother-in-law, thank you for accommodating me. I will do my best to give you a certain amount of living expenses every month. I will also come back often to help you take care of the childcare. Our family members need to care for each other and support each other. ”
My mother-in-law finally smiled, and she came over and held my hand: "Good boy, my mother-in-law is indeed old, and some things are not thought through. It's good that you give your mother-in-law a chance to be accommodating, otherwise your mother-in-law will regret it. ”
I also squeezed my mother-in-law's hand, and I felt that we were getting closer. I know that I shouldn't embarrass the elderly, and I have to learn from my mother-in-law the wisdom of life. We also need more understanding and tolerance between mother and daughter in order to build a harmonious relationship.
It became a good life lesson for me. It made me realize that thinking about others everywhere and not only looking for myself is the basic principle of being a human being. It made a breakthrough in my relationship with my mother-in-law, and I believe that we will be closer in the future. Whenever I think about it, it gives me the motivation to become a more tolerant, generous, loving and tolerant person.
I will remember the lesson that when I become an old man, I must also put myself in the shoes of young people. I will continue to work hard to have my own financial income as soon as possible and reduce the burden on my mother-in-law. I believe that as long as we understand each other in life, we can always find a solution to the problem. This experience has made me mature a lot, and I will definitely work hard to maintain this harmonious family that has been slowly built.
After this incident, my relationship with my mother-in-law has eased a lot. My mother-in-law would come to my house every morning to help me with some household chores and then accompany me to take care of the baby. She often told me interesting stories about her when we were young, so that I could learn more about my husband's upbringing.
One day, my mother-in-law suddenly asked me, "Mei'er, do you remember what you looked like when you first came to our house?"”
I was a little surprised and shook my head.
I was a little ashamed to hear it, I was really reserved back then, and I didn't dare to talk to my mother-in-law. The mother-in-law continued: "Later, when you married Qiangqiang, I treated you as my own daughter. It's a pity that I have a straightforward personality and am not careful enough to care for you. Fortunately, after this quarrel, our relationship has eased a lot, and I am really relieved. ”
I saw tears in my mother-in-law's eyes, and hurriedly went over to hug her: "Mom, I have always been grateful to you for taking care of me, we are a family." You have given me the utmost love and I will always respect you. ”
My mother-in-law patted my hand and said, "Good boy, Mom knows." We also need more understanding and communication between mother and daughter. There are some things that my mother-in-law can't say to her face, and you have to be considerate of me, an old man. ”
This conversation has greatly shortened the distance between me and my mother-in-law. After that, I would choose a day every week to invite my mother-in-law to our house to sit and chat while eating. I also often take my children to my mother-in-law's house so that my mother-in-law can be more involved in the children's lives. The mother-in-law obviously looked much happier and would buy a lot of good food and toys for the children.
It was very gratifying to see my mother-in-law loving our baby so much. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law needs to be cultivated slowly, and it is inevitable that there will be misunderstandings and estrangements between me and my mother-in-law at the beginning, but after this time of getting along and communicating, we have gradually established a deep relationship.
I began to reflect on the fact that my mother-in-law has always cared for me in every detail, but her generation was not used to expressing emotions directly, so I didn't feel her intentions. Now I have learned to observe my mother-in-law's small movements, and I will pay attention to her care and care, so that the relationship between our mother and daughter is much more harmonious.
The most precious thing between people is affection. Money and benefits will pass, but family and friendship can last forever. I have deeply realized that the most important thing in life is mutual understanding and tolerance. Everyone has imperfections, and I have to learn to put myself in the shoes of others, so that life will be happier.
This incident has had a profound impact on my future life. It has matured me a lot and has also given me a better way to deal with relationships. I will pass on this valuable experience to my child so that he understands what is most important. I believe that by managing the relationship with heart, you can build a warm and harmonious home.