I took my luggage to find my son to support the elderly, and I was stunned when I entered the door, my son She is too pitiful, I can't care!
When it comes to filial piety, there are many ways. Some people express filial piety with companionship and care, and show filial piety with practical actions; Others may honor their parents by improving their living conditions and providing financial support.
Different ways of filial piety not only affect family relationships, but also directly affect the emotional communication between the elderly and their children. This communication can be happy or disappointed, and it all depends on the behavior of the children and the understanding of the elderly, as well as the mutual understanding between them. Life of mutual understanding is simple and satisfying, but without understanding, life becomes more difficult.
Aunt Liu, 65, faces a heart-wrenching conflict with her son in her later life. She couldn't understand why her son was willing to take care of his mother-in-law instead of her, and when she asked for his care, she was devastated when she was refused. So, what's going on? Listen to Aunt Liu's narration.
I'm Aunt Liu, 65 years old. I felt that my health was deteriorating, which made me realise that I was gradually needing the support and care of my children. In recent years, my physical condition has been frequent, and my resistance has decreased, which prompted me to ask my son to seek elderly care. However, he shirked it for various reasons, and it was not until I had to go to his house in person that I reluctantly accepted it, but my words made me feel chilled and disappointed.
As the only son of my wife and me, he has been loved by the whole family since he was a child. The in-laws doted on him very much, perhaps because they had a patriarchal concept in their hearts and were particularly fond of their grandchildren. The two of us also raised him out of love for him.
During childhood, we made sure he was fed and clothed, and we tried to give him almost anything he liked. As he grows up, we give more to him. In terms of education, we have paid a lot for his studies, but he did not study seriously and even gave up a craft. In terms of employment, he failed to find a job for two years in a row, and eventually we had to use our connections to get him a job. In order to ensure their comfort, we gave them the only house in the family and moved back to my in-laws' house to live with them...
At that time, everything we did was out of love for our son, and we never felt that there was anything wrong with it. We take it for granted, and as long as our son is doing well, we will have peace of mind.
However, we sometimes regret it as well. Five years after their son got married, they had a child. However, there are two things that make us unhappy.
The first thing is the issue of taking care of the child. When my daughter-in-law became pregnant, my son asked me to help take care of the child and even take care of the child. At that time, I was really busy, and my mother-in-law also needed to take care of me, so I couldn't go to the appointment for the time being. The son also agreed to this arrangement at the beginning and did not show dissatisfaction.
However, in the years that followed, it was my daughter-in-law's mother who took care of the children at their house, and I only went there occasionally.
When the second thing happened, my son had just received a new life and was not yet two or three years old. He suddenly expressed a desire to change houses. The reason is to take advantage of the improvement of the real estate market, plan for the children's future schooling, and improve the living environment of the family. I rejected the offer at the time. I feel like they already have children and their lives are already quite busy, so there is no need to take on more pressure to change houses. But he didn't listen, insisted that we sell the house, and offered us to fund part of the money. We started arguing, which led to tension in the relationship.
Eventually, after half a year of bickering, I was helpless. My wife and I both thought it was over, so we let our son buy it. We sold the house, gave him another sum of money, and they finally got a new house. Although I didn't want to, I couldn't help it. My wife felt that it didn't matter, because the house was also our home, and my mother-in-law was not in good health, so we naturally moved to our son's house and started a retirement life.
During that time, after the house problem was resolved, our lives seemed to calm down a bit. Taking care of the grandchildren once in a while and going to their new house has become a daily routine.
Three years ago, my wife passed away. He fell ill and passed away, and my life became even more lonely. I used to plan my retirement, and my initial idea was to live at home alone. Although I could go to my son's house, I knew that they were busy with work and my grandson would also go to school, so I chose to live alone. Just check them out once in a while.
I can understand my son's words, after all, they are all family. So, that's it.
It wasn't until last year that I got angry for the first time. I want to go to my son's house for the New Year, because it is so lonely to spend the New Year at home alone. But I went to their house a few times in Layue, and every time my mother was there. In the end, I asked her if she would go home to clean up the house for the New Year, but she said: "I don't go back, I live alone in my hometown, and I told my children that we will be more lively together as a family for the New Year here." ”
When I heard her say that, my heart broke and I felt broken. There are only three rooms in the son's house, one of which is for the son and daughter-in-law, and the other is for the grandson to live in when he grows up. This means that there is simply no room for me to live. My plan seemed to be in ruins, so I anxiously asked my son about the arrangement. But I was a little disappointed in the results, and he planned to let his own mother live with them. Although he said that he would come to my side to eat and watch the Spring Festival Gala on Chinese New Year's Eve, in fact, he meant to let his own mother live with them and celebrate the New Year together. At that moment, I was extremely disappointed, but I seemed helpless, so I had to hold back this loss.
After the New Year, every time I went to my son's house, I felt like a guest, as if I had only appeared as a cameo before. The more enthusiastic my mother became, the more uncomfortable I felt in my heart. Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and took a few pieces of luggage with me, so I decided to move directly to my son's house and ask him to provide for me. I claim to be in poor health and need someone to take care of me. However, the son said hesitantly
Mom, you know the situation at home, but there is really no place for you to live. Otherwise, call me at any time if you have anything to do, and I'll rush back immediately. ”
I said angrily
Let your mother-in-law go back, she has lived here for so long and has made this place her home. You are my son, don't I rely on you for my retirement? She got married and received a bride price, isn't that bride price her pension money? Now he is staying at home and refuses to leave! ”
The son insisted: "Mom, Xiaoli is still here, how can I let her mother leave?" We are all family, and if something unpleasant happens, it will be terrible. ”
I said angrily, "You are my son, I worked hard to raise you, provide you with education, food and clothing, and also funded your wedding." Now that I'm old and your dad is gone, I want you to take care of me, isn't that what a son should do? ”
My son still tried to interpret his thoughts, insisting that I could stay in my own house and not have to go to theirs. I got emotional and cried and asked him, "What the hell is wrong with you?" Why is it always fragmented? Are you affected by anything? You're willing to take care of her instead of me. ”
The son said, "Mom, she's really pitiful, I can't leave it alone." She now has only one daughter left, and she has no other relatives in her hometown. And she has helped us for so many years and raised our children for so many years. Even if I agree, will Xiaoli agree? You can stay near us and have something to do a** I can rush back in half an hour. Why do you have to live with us to be considered a pensioner? You also think about it for me, I can't ignore her, and I can't ignore you. ”
At that moment, I felt extremely disappointed, tears sliding down my eyes, and I poured out my inner grievances. I didn't do anything else, but because I found out that the house I had bought was supposed to be for my dear son, but I ended up living in it for my own mother, and my son took care of her in her old age. As a mother, I can only live alone. Even my own son couldn't understand it, and blamed me for not thinking much about him. I think this kind of experience would be indescribably painful for anyone.
Eventually, I chose to go back to my home and face the loneliness alone. My son and daughter-in-law came to talk to me more than once, trying to comfort me, and my daughter-in-law explained many times. However, only I understand that the knot in my heart cannot be untied, and the psychological imbalance cannot be erased. Some things can't be solved through quarrels, and some things can't get the outcome I want, so I can only accept them silently.