I have read such a sentence: "To maintain a good relationship, you always need to be a little selfish, mixed with a little indifference." ”
Yes, between people, getting too close will hurt your heart, and helping too much will chill your heart.
If you treat others with all your heart, you may be rewarded with disdain;
If you go out of your way to help others, you may get even more out of it.
Not everyone deserves to be delivered, and not everything needs your help.
It is a virtue to choose what is good and do what is good, and it is also a kind of wisdom to stop in moderation.
No matter how kind you are, don't help others with these four favors, you can't be grateful and be blamed by others
Other people's housework is not mixed in.
As the saying goes, it is difficult for a clean official to decide family affairs, let alone an outsider who does not know the inside story.
When someone needs to talk, just listen;When a friend is sad and sad, comfort is good.
No matter how good the relationship is, you must also distinguish between your own business and the business of others.
It's a sign of respect for others and a protection of oneself.
Zhao Gang and Wang Fei are iron buddies who grew up together, and whoever is in trouble, the other person will not hesitate to reach out to help.
But an incident happened not long ago that made the relationship between the two take a sharp turn for the worse.
Zhao Gang quarreled with his wife Xiaoli, and Xiaoli led the child back to her parents' house.
It's been half a month, I turned off the phone and went to pick up my father-in-law's house, and the family was cold to Zhao Gang.
Wang Fei volunteered to go with Zhao Gang again, and he would definitely be able to persuade Xiaoli to come back.
At the dinner table, Wang Fei became a peacemaker in front of Xiao Liniang's family
"How can the two of them not quarrel, it's almost okay, you don't go home this old man, it's not a big deal, right?”No one at the table agreed, and Xiaoli's younger brother answered: "How did he treat my sister, their family looks down on my sister!."”
Wang Fei said: "What do you know about your child, it's not your turn to take care of your sister's affairs!."”
Xiaoli's younger brother slammed the dishes and chopsticks on the table: "Why did you come to my house as an outsider to criticize me?"”
The air froze suddenly, and everyone tacitly pulled the food in front of them, and no one said a word.
Wang Fei pretended to take a **, left embarrassedly, and decided never to go to the door of Zhao Gang's house in the future.
Later, a mutual friend spread the word that Zhao Gang and Xiaoli had reconciled, but he was very dissatisfied with Wang Fei, saying that he would only cause trouble and help him.
The two seemed to disappear and cut off contact.
No matter how good a friend is, he is an outsider;No matter how hard the relationship is, we must also grasp the proportion.
In other people's housework, there are emotions that we can't see, and entanglements that we can't touch.
Relying on "enthusiasm" alone, you may do bad things with good intentions;The blind "ancient road hot intestines" will only be thankless.
As smart as you are, you must not evaluate other people's housework, not talk much, do not mix, and do not cross the line.
When it comes to monetary interests, don't mess around
I've seen a story written by netizen @orange.
Orange's family has two suites, her second uncle's child was obviously admitted to high school, and the second uncle wanted to borrow one to accompany him in the city.
Daddy Orange readily agreed.
But until he went to college and lived on campus, the second uncle didn't say a word about moving away.
Sometimes, Orange goes to the second uncle's house, and the surrounding neighbors think that the Orange family is a guest, and the second uncle is the owner of the house.
Recently, the second uncle has started to clean up the house, painting the walls, adding furniture, and the second aunt is also busy shopping for things.
When I asked, I found out that he was about to graduate, and the second uncle wanted to use this house for him as a wedding room.
Daddy Orange saw this posture and was anxious:
"I let you live in the house for seven or eight years, and you don't have to pay a penny, and you still want to marry your daughter-in-law here, is this going to live and not leave?”The second uncle looked indifferent: "I don't have the money to buy a house, you can't let your nephew marry a daughter-in-law and have no place to live!."Big deal, I'll pay some rent. ”
Orange's father quarreled with the second uncle in a fit of anger, saying that if he didn't leave, he would call the police, and the second uncle's family moved out.
When the second uncle left, he left a sentence: "There is no brother like you in this life." ”
Monetary interests have always been a sensitive topic, how many relatives turn against each other, and how many friends have enemies.
When you borrow money, you greet you with a smile, and when you ask for money, your eyes are red.
As the old saying goes, saving the emergency is not helping the poor, and between relatives and friends, you should especially think twice.
Because among them, there is not only the blood friendship of "breaking bones and connecting tendons", but also the disputed interests of "cutting constantly, rationalizing and messing".
When it comes to monetary interests, don't help indiscriminately, this is to be alone, and it is also to take into account the overall situation.
Go beyond the bottom line, don't meddle
Writer Feng Jicai said: "Only by keeping the bottom line can a person achieve a successful self and a successful life." ”
But some people, under the banner of asking for help, challenge your principles and test your bottom line.
If you do what others want, you will also lose your own happiness.
A husband and wife opened a restaurant, and they ran it honestly and deliciously, winning many repeat customers.
Seeing the booming business, relatives also warmed up and recommended their unemployed children to work in restaurants.
The couple knew that such a relationship was not easy to manage at all, but they still agreed to it.
Sure enough, there were more complaints from customers: the waiter had a bad attitude and quarreled with the guests;The meals are not clean and the amount is small;The hygiene of the hotel is not good.
The couple had to accompany the smiling face to explain to the guest, apologize, and promise to improve.
A friend who is in the liquor business called** and said: "I have a batch of drinks that are about to expire, and I am pressing a lot of money, you can help me and sell them in the restaurant!".”
The couple looked embarrassed, but when they thought about it, the drinks that were about to expire and the drinks with the new date were mixed together, and the customers should not be able to find out, and they also helped their friends and gave them a favor.
Soon after, some customers drank their drinks, vomited and diarrhea, suspected of food poisoning, and the restaurant was asked to close for rectification.
The bottom line is the quality of a person;The bottom line is the lifeblood of a business.
There is no need to sacrifice oneself to fulfill others, and to help others, you must also keep the bottom line.
Go beyond the bottom line, don't meddle
Because kindness is misplaced, it will become **.
not only broke his own heart, but also broke the righteousness between friends.
Wronged by your busyness, don't be kind
Someone said: "Human nature is not accustomed, and it is natural to help every time." ”
Yes, wronging yourself will not win the favor of others;If you help against your will, you may not be able to make a wide range of contacts.
My colleague Sister Zhang has to catch the subway to pick up and drop off her children every day, and she arrives late and leaves early several times, and the leader almost criticizes her by name.
Xiao Li and Sister Zhang's family lived not far away, so Sister Zhang offered to take Xiao Li's car.
When the company arranged overtime, Sister Zhang patted Xiao Li on the shoulder: "I really can't leave the house, you can help me do it, and I will invite you to dinner when I go back." ”
Since having Xiao Li's help, Sister Zhang is full of energy every day, and she no longer has the unkempt anxiety of the past.
It's Xiao Li, her face is getting darker day by day, and her colleagues faintly feel that Xiao Li hates Sister Zhang a little.
The two met in the corridor of the company, Xiao Li was either busy looking at the documents in his hand, or looking at the information on his mobile phone, and ignored Sister Zhang.
When eating in the cafeteria, Xiao Li also deliberately sat far away from Sister Zhang.
During a small talk, Xiao Li poured bitter water on his colleagues:
"I never mentioned the gas money, so I asked her and I to pick up the child, and the child would eat and drink, kick and jump, and make a mess in the car. ”Later, Xiao Li made an excuse to take a detour to and from work.I was asked to work overtime for her, and I had to order my own takeout, and several times the whole building was left with me and the security guard. ”
Sister Zhang couldn't catch the car, obviously unhappy, and said when she met someone in the company: "Xiao Li is really not good, he is a little child, everyone should pay attention." ”
Xiao Li didn't expect that his kind help was exchanged for slander and sarcasm.
If you give up your time, others may think that you are okay in the first place, and it is better to be a good person to do it to the end;
If you give up your own interests, others will only smile slightly, and then the clouds will be light.
Wronged by your own busyness, don't be kind.
It's not cold, it's something you can never predict :
In exchange for his own help, he repaid his kindness, or he deserved it unscrupulously.
Because this world is too affectionate, people's hearts are endless.
There is a very classic sentence in "White Night Walking":
"There are two things in the world that cannot be looked at, one is the sun, and the other is the human heart. ”The sun burns the eyes, and humanity stings the heart.
Sometimes, others don't know how to be grateful, and only treat help as a daily routine
Sometimes, kindness does not come in exchange for gratitude, but it becomes a weapon to hurt yourself.
Be kind as you are, be a smart person.
Learn to refuse, your efforts will be valuable, and your dedication will be seen.
