Are you bothered by the problems of your family of origin?
Previously, Gao Xiaosong publicly mentioned his original family for the first time at the "Wonderful Conference" and mentioned his relationship with his father.
For 20 years, I was dissatisfied with my family of origin, especially my very bad relationship with my father, which did lead to a lot of problems when I was young. ”
Because of his bad relationship with his father, Gao Xiaosong used to hate others interfering in him, loving to compete with others, and so on.
It wasn't until after the age of 40 that he slowly got rid of this bad behavior and really came out.
Psychologist Frank Kadler once said:"The most unfortunate thing about our lives is that most of the first major ordeal we suffer comes from family, and it is hereditary. ”
If we don't notice and change, the impact of the "original family" on each of us will be lifelong.
Family of origin
How much of an impact does it have on a person?
Many people envy Gao Xiaosong's talent, envy that he was born in a scholarly family and received a good education since he was a child.
However, what everyone doesn't know is that Gao Xiaosong, who grew up in a Kochi family, also has indelible pain in his heart when he mentions his original family.
Gao Xiaosong's relationship with his parents was not good, which led him to confront the outside world, becoming maverick, unruly, and loving and competing with others.
Therefore, if you want to know a person deeply, you can't just look at his current glamour, but also understand his original family, so that you can know the reason why he is like this.
Just like Gao Xiaosong himself said, when he was young, he encountered a lot of setbacks, fought against this, fought against that, and after many years of contemplating himself, he realized that most of the problems were actually created by himself, and the most fundamental reason came from his relationship with his father.
It wasn't until he was 40 years old that he slowly realized this, began to be constantly self-aware, and tried to get rid of the influence of his original family, so he lived more and more easily and indifferently.
Your attitude towards your family of origin
determines the direction of your life
The experience of Liz, the girl in the movie "Wind and Rain Harvard Road", tells usThe family of origin can be hell, but we can't allow ourselves to be hell.
Her parents were addicted to drugs, had AIDS, and were heavy drinkers, and didn't even treat her as human beings.
She has lived a life of hunger and no fixed place since she was a child, and her body often emits a foul smell, so that she is discriminated against by everyone and ridiculed by her classmates.
It was only after her mother's death that she realized that she needed to change herself. In order to get out of this predicament, she studied hard day and night, and finally was admitted to Harvard University, which changed her fate.
Liz, who has had a brilliant life since then, later recalled her past experiences, and she said that she felt that she was not pitiful at all.
Because it is from such a family of origin that she dares to change herself and let herself move forward no matter what.
As the saying goes, the night gives you black eyes, and what you look for with it is up to your heart.
Some people will lose themselves in the night, and some people will look for light in the night. And you?
You must know that your attitude towards your family of origin determines the direction of your life. If you don't work hard to drive away the darkness of your family of origin, you will become the darkness of your children.
The pain of the family of origin
Create your own life
It is not your parents who can decide the future direction of your life, but yourselfLearn the pain brought by your original family in order to create your own life.
The family of origin is the starting point for each of us to grow, but how we grow and develop is also determined by other factors, so where you will go can be changed on your own.
Instead of constantly complaining about the family of origin and constantly blaming your parents, it is better to accept all this and learn to reconcile with your past self.
Of course, this kind of letting go requires enough courage and a strong heart.
When you are willing to take responsibility for your own life and begin to discover, heal and change yourself, you will gain a more and more relaxed and calm self in the future.
Finally, I wish you all the best in the future.