Text|Ying's mother
Dweck, a professor at Stanford University, spent 10 years tracking 400 students in 20 schools in New York, divided the children into two groups, and conducted three rounds of different experiments.
After three rounds of experimentation, it was found that:Children who were praised for being smart had a 20% drop in grades, while those who were rated as working very hard had a 30% improvement in grades.
So this psychologist at Stanford University, Dweck, came to a conclusion:Often praise the child for being smart, the child is unwilling to accept the challenge, and the grades will get worse and worse, while the child will be more willing to accept his challenge and will become better and better.
When he is praised for being a smart child, he thinks he isNaturally smartof, attributing the reason for success to innate factors, and there is no way to change the innate factors, so if I can't do it, it's useless to work hard, because it's determined by nature.
But if I praise my child's hard work, I will let him know that as long as I work hard, I can succeed, so my child is more willing to pay, work hard to learn Xi, and work hard.
This experiment tells us that we must stop praising children for being smart, that isDon't praise your child's innate things when you praise himFor example, children are smart, beautiful, and talented, and don't praise children for these things that are innately bringed.
The first principle: to combine the reality of boasting
For example, if your child has improved in the exam compared to the last time, you only praise the child".You're awesome".This kind of is veryPerfunctoryIt must be combined with realityLast time you scored 80 points in the exam, this time you scored 90 points, an improvement of 10 points, MomMom saw that you listened hard to the teacher's lectures during this period of time, and when you came home, you also wrote your homework seriously, and sure enough, you improved.
Combined with realistic praise, children can maintain such a situation of hard work, and they will always pursue progress.
The second principle: there should be a degree of praise
Everyone has a great desire for praise, respect, understanding, and love in their hearts, and everyone wants to hear others compliment themselves, butThe way of praise must be mastered to a degree, the child actually has a ruler in his heart, knows what is polite words, knows what is heartfelt praise!
For example, if the child scores 95 points in the exam, grandma will praise everyone:Our child is very powerful, a naturally smart child, a school bully, and a child prodigyThis is actually too exaggerated, because there are still 100 points in the class.
So be sure to boast to a degree:The baby scored 95 points in the test this time, which is 5 points better than last time, indicating that the effort has results.
Principle 3: Seize the moment
For example, if your child participates in a sports day, he comes back and says to you: Mom, today I ran and ran first and won a certificate.
My mother was stir-frying and said, "Oh, it's so noisy, I can't hear it, wait a minute, don't make me noisy." In fact, this will make the child very frustrated in his heart, and he will come back to share it with his mother in a hurry, but his mother will not understand him and share it with him.
So our praise must be timelyWhen your child is excited to share it with you, be sure to praise your child in time and in publicIn this way, children can feel their own value and have the satisfaction of being recognized by witnesses.
Also recommended for parents inBefore going to bed each day, talk about what your child has done today that is worthy of praiseAfter waking up on the second day, the child's subconscious mind is also more active, at this time, you can also seize the time to praise and affirm the child, so that the child has a good mood to fall asleep, and wakes up on the second day also has a good mood.
Principle 4: Use contrasting praise
The child wrote his homework until 10 o'clock yesterday, and finished it at 9 o'clock today, oops, the baby wrote his homework an hour faster today, and he has made progress, which is worthy of praise. It is important to use comparisons to make children feel that they are improving. Use verbal, physical, and gesture actions to express praise and encouragement to your child.
For example:If your child has a good score in this exam and is praised by the teacher, you can give your child a thumbs up, hug your child, and tell him that your mother is proud of you ......
How to praise a child, have you learned?
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