Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Life Jokes Collection" (Attached: The weather is getting cold, everyone pay attention to keep warm!）
My wife has acne on her face and complains, "Why do I always have acne on my face?"”
My husband said, "Because God is jealous that you are too beautiful." ”
The wife was very happy, looked at her husband and asked, "Then you are not handsome, why do you also have acne?"”
My husband said, "God is punishing me for lying." ”
The wife was speechless
When I came home from overtime today, I was very tired, so I went to bed very early, but my husband's loud snoring was one after another, and the big mouth was still open and closed to cooperate with this, so noisy that I couldn't sleep, so I went to the living room on the spot and took a ** and threw it in his mouth.
Huh?What is this operation?）
Unexpectedly, the husband of the second goods actually chewed and chewed. I keep making delicious looks.
Ah, laugh at me
I was at work, and my wife sent me a WeChat message.
Wife: Husband, when you pick me up in the evening, let's pretend that we just met.
Husband: Okay.
Wife: Then we should have a token, otherwise how would I know which one is you?
Husband: Yes!
Wife: I'll be carrying a blue bag when the time comes.
Husband: What about me?
Wife: You can take the 10-carat brick ring as a token!
I was speechless, I didn't know how to reply, and I didn't pick her up at nightWhen I was Bill Gates.
Brother, you are right, women can't get used to it, just like me, kneeling on the washboard every day can't agree to women's unreasonable demands)
The wife was coquettish to her husband: "Husband, you praise me." ”
The husband looked at his wife expressionlessly and didn't say a word.
The wife began to get a little angry and scolded: "What's the matter, when you were asked to boast before, you would still say a few perfunctory words, but now you don't even want to be perfunctory?"”
My husband said lightly: "Whatever you think, I just don't think I'm worthy to talk to a fairy." ”
At that time, my wife used an invincible small hammer to beat my chest constantly, and kept Nan Nan saying to herself: "Dead ghost, you are so bad!."”
Eh, it's so numb!
For a little thing, my wife has been scolding.
Husband: "Wife, husband and wife should tolerate each other, and don't make awkward trouble for a little thing." ”
Wife: "I can't accommodate you!."”
Husband: "Why?".”
My wife 'snapped' is a slap, and then said: "Yesterday I asked you to buy me a bag, but you were reluctant to buy it, without a bag, how can you let me tolerate you?"”
Hahaha, brother, you're so miserable!
My wife bought a new dress, and when I got home, I asked her, "How much does it cost?"”
The wife said softly: "I'm afraid that one stone will stir up a thousand waves." ”
This mother-in-law also wrote a whole poem, and I said magnificently: "What price will not cause a thousand waves!."It's just a snack. ”
When my wife heard me say this, she walked up to me and said, "Husband, you are doing awesome today, tell the truth!".The clothes are only three thousand. ”
At that time, I just suppressed my anger and said, "Hey, 3,000 yuan is a splash, how much splash does this have to make!."”
I feel distressed, my monthly salary is only 3500, don't talk about it, I'm tired!
After many years of marriage with my wife, I finally have a little child, but it's just a little dark!
The husband complains to his wife, "It's all your fault!"Every time, you have to turn off the lights!Look at what this kid has become!”
Oops, I'm dripping mom, laughing at me!What does the child have to do with the light!）
The husband complained and said, "Wife, you are shopping indiscriminately again!".I don't make enough money for you to spend!”
My wife explained, "I didn't just buy it for myself, I also bought a lot of things for you!"”
My husband complained: "I don't need you to buy it for me, can you save some money?"”
The wife said: "As the saying goes, when a man is rich, he becomes bad, and I am afraid that you will become bad, so how much you earn, I will spend so that you will not become bad." ”
My husband covered his face and muttered softly, "You make sense, I'm speechless!."”
One day on the highway, I was idle and bored, and there happened to be a truck full of pigs next to me, so I said to my husband next to me, "Look!".A whole carload of your relatives. “
Who knew that my husband didn't look back and said, "If I didn't marry you, I could be a relative of them!?."”
This husband is a genius, like, follow!
A husband buys an expensive necklace for his wife.
The beautiful female clerk asked, "Sir, do you want to engrave your lover's name?"”
The husband thought for a while and said, "No, just engrave 'give me the only love', so that in case of divorce, I can still use it!."”
Yes, the divorce rate in today's society is really high
If you like it, follow me, more hilarious jokes will make you happy every day!