Hello everyone, I'm "he said", and welcome to the "Joke Collection".
One day, a few buddies met for tea, and one of them told us a joke.
After returning home, I rushed into the door and told my wife this joke as soon as possible: "One day Lao Zhang came up with a funny joke on the way home, and the first thing he did when he got home was to rush into the room to tell his wife a joke, but the wife lying on the bed did not react, and laughter came from the closet on one side...
As a result, a man's laughter came from the other bedroom, and I immediately became angry, went straight to the room, and opened it to look dumbfounded: "Dad, when did you come back?" ”
A wife asks her husband after putting on makeup, "Am I pretty?" ”
The husband closed his eyes and said, "Beautiful! ”
The wife said, "If you are pretty, you are pretty, why are you closing your eyes?" ”
The husband said, "I'm afraid to open my eyes and tell nonsense." ”
Soon after my daughter-in-law and I got married, my mother set some rules.
M: My mom said you can't eat junk food!
F: Why is your mother so much going on!
M: My mother said that you can't blow the air conditioner to sleep at night!
F: Your mother has a lot to do!
M: My mother said she wanted to buy a suite in Beijing! Female:
Your mother....Did my mom really say that?
My boyfriend came to my house for dinner, and my dad asked him, "What do you like about my daughter?" ”
The boyfriend said, "She's gentle and kind...”
Dad nodded in satisfaction. After my boyfriend left, my dad said, "This stupid boy is just as easy to deceive as I was at the beginning." ”
At night, my wife and I sat on the sofa watching TV, and my wife asked me, "Dear, if I am blind one day, will you take care of me for the rest of my life?" ”
I scratched the bridge of her nose: "Fool, of course I will!" ”
Wife: My dear, I can't see now, can you make dinner today?
The wife went to work, and the son made a mess in the bed. When my wife came back from work, she was furious when she saw this mess, and was about to get angry at me, so I hurriedly pointed to my son and explained: "It's none of my business, it's all this little rabbit cub who made it up." The wife then turned to her son, and was about to get angry, only to hear the son say weakly: "Mom, I really don't blame Dad, when that aunt left, this bed was like this." ”
The phone has been used for two years, and the charger happened to be broken, so I discussed with my wife to change the phone. The daughter-in-law was angry when she heard it: "The charger is broken, so replace the charger, and the mobile phone is not unusable." I quarreled with my daughter-in-law like this. After the quarrel, sitting on the sofa and smoking a cigarette, my son sighed next to him and said: Why are you so stupid, if you change your wife, everything will be solved.
My husband began to complain that I was too fat again, and I slapped him angrily, and he was also angry, saying that I was too much, and I said, "Who is too much, you are the first to say that I am fat." He said, "I said it because you got fat first!" ”
Shopping with my wife, I saw that she couldn't put down a dress, but that dress was too expensive. While she went to the changing room, to avoid the attention of others, I took out 200 yuan (my own private money) and stepped on it. My wife came out and walked up to me and was about to ask me if I looked good, I gave her a look, let her look at my feet, and whispered: I don't know who lost it, pick it up and let's leave!
Last night, I was sitting on the sofa watching TV, and my daughter-in-law came over in **lace underwear: "Husband, it's time for you to hand in your homework....Me: "That, daughter-in-law!!" I'm out of oil for my ballpoint pen, or you're going to do that....Let's Xi for yourself....”
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