Fu Seoul There is more than one way to climb over the walls of marriage

"Goodbye Lover 3" finally ushered in the finale.

The pair of Fu Seoul and Lao Liu has been discussed from the beginning. The final result is both regrettable and expected.

Fu Seoul and Lao Liu's marriage is not quite the same as ordinary people, but it has too many similarities with us.

Over the years, Fu Seoul has blossomed in terms of personal development, both as a writer and a debater, and will participate in some variety shows as a guest, and also made guest appearances in film and television dramas.

And what about Lao Liu?Responsible for picking up and dropping off children every day, eating a simple lunch alone, not liking to socialize, and life is full of blandness.

So some people say that the reason for their divorce is because of this marriage model of "strong women and weak men".

But I think that the real reason for their separation was actually said as early as the beginning of the show: "There is no major contradiction, but there is no love anymore." ”

Getting along every day has become a partner.

Under the same roof, but I couldn't say a few words all day.

The existence of another person is already dispensable.

The rhythm of life is different, the schedule is different, the eating and sleeping are not synchronized, and with the other half, I often feel lonely.

Isn't this like the countless bland but tasteless marriages around us?

There was an episode where three couples sat around together. The other two couples both told their own problems, each with its own reasons and grievances.

And when asked about Fu Seoul and Lao Liu, they said: There is nothing special, but there is no love anymore.

For a moment, everyone was silent, not knowing what to say.

There is no love anymore. ”

This reason may seem simple, but it is so true. Only those who understand will understand the feeling of being tormented.

My best friend once told me that they lived together as a couple, like roommates in a shared house, only talking three or two words a day, and talking about children all the time. Although they still sleep in the same bed at night, they also play with their own mobile phones and cover their own quilts. The same bed and different dreams are the truest portrayal.

Girlfriends are Xi to waking up early, and her husband likes to go to bed late;

The girlfriend's diet is light, and her husband is not spicy or happy;

My best friend likes to read books and chase dramas, but her husband likes to watch short ** and play games.

She liked it, he was too boring;

He likes it, but she is too noisy.

The idea of divorce has been circling in her heart for several years, but she has never had the courage to say it, because she is afraid, afraid that others will know that she is not happy, and afraid to find a reason to satisfy everyone.

The female writer Su Cen once said: "When people reach middle age, most of their marriages are dead. It's just trapped in responsibilities, children, and the stable life in front of me. The cost of talking about divorce is too great, and talking about love is like a joke, and it has gradually become a relationship that only talks about things and does not talk about hearts. ”

How many people's marital status is just four words: live and endure.

As long as you don't tear the last fig leaf, you will still be a good couple in front of people.

So, when Fu Seoul dared to untie this "veil of the emperor's happiness", I really admired her courage. She opened my eyes to more possibilities for women in marriage.

In the concept of the older generation, marriage can be made to make do. As long as you are good at forbearance and can persist for a lifetime, it will be considered a successful marriage.

I still remember the plot in "Golden Wedding": mental derailment, conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, widowed parenting ......These have obviously made people half dead, but as long as there are "no principled mistakes", in the end, they will sing the so-called consummation of the "golden wedding".

Even, in the context of today's times, there are still people who feel that only issues of principle can be considered grounds for divorce.

When you go to the Civil Affairs Bureau for a divorce, the staff will ask, "Why do you want to get a divorce?"Is there any cheating?Is there any domestic violence?”

If it weren't for these problems, then your desire to divorce would most likely be associated with words such as "doing", "not being satisfied", and "almost".

But shouldn't marriage be a happy and joyful thing?

If two people no longer feel happy in marriage, or even consume each other, why can't they choose to separate decently?

Watching "Goodbye Lover 3", one of the biggest feelings I have is: Fu Seoul and Lao Liu are obviously two people with completely different personalities.

Fu Seoul loves the beginning of the day;But Lao Liu likes the end of the day.

Fu Seoul thinks that Lao Liu doesn't care enough about his own life;And Lao Liu thinks that Fu Seoul is too anxious to work hard every day.

Fu Seoul has a goal in mind and works hard to achieve itLao Liu, on the other hand, likes a leisurely life, only feeling the scenery along the way, and does not need to ask about the future purpose.

The difference in the original family of the two people may be the root cause of this personality difference.

Fu Seoul's childhood was too heart-wrenching.

When she was a child, her parents divorced at an early age. She doesn't have much memory of her father, except that her family calls him a "devil". Never getting her father's love is an eternal pain in her heart.

When Fu Seoul was young, he lived with his mother in a rice barn, and there were many rats in the rice barn, which made the young Fu Seoul often feel very frightened.

Later, her mother remarried and sent her to her grandmother's house. But there are also her cousins and cousins there, so Fu Seoul feels that it is not his home.

And every time her grandmother sent her back to her mother, she would say, "Go to your mother's house." This made her feel that her mother's home after remarriage was not her real home.

However, the young Fu Seoul, her own home, is in **?

Hearing Fu Seoul's story, I almost burst into tears. She said that "I Want to Have a Home" was her favorite song when she was a child.

When she was a child, she dreamed of a doll, but the family had no money, so her grandmother made her a very ugly rag doll.

When she was a child, she wanted to eat cake and looked forward to it for a long time. Her mother finally bought it for her birthday.

But my mother kept emphasizing that it was because of how hard she had to carry two extra loads of wheat to allow her to eat the cake. The cake I ate in my mouth was not sweet all of a sudden, and at that moment, my happiness turned into self-blame and guilt.

Therefore, I can really understand why Fu Seoul has been working so hard and working so hard. Because, she has no way out, and there is no one to rely on, she has never had to rely on herself.

Because it was always the child who ran hard in the rain without an umbrella.

When Lao Liu proposed to Fu Seoul, he was still a poor boy with no car, no house and no money. Fu Seoul did not dislike Lao Liu as a person who had nothing, but was willing to marry Lao Liu and work hard with him.

She said: Although we don't have anything now, as long as we work hard, we will have it in the future.

Fu Seoul did the same. She's been working so hard that she's even writing in the early hours of the morning.

But what about Lao Liu?It seems to be the same Buddhist system as always.

In the variety show "21 Days Before Marriage", Lao Liu once described the difference between the two - Fu Seoul stayed up late for work, while he stayed up late to watch football.

In "Goodbye Lover 3", Fu Seoul once mentioned that Lao Liu wanted to write a script. But a long time has passed, and although Lao Liu doesn't have to work at home every day, he didn't insist on writing it.

Lao Liu does spend more time at home, but can the big and small affairs at home really be entrusted to Lao Liu?And how did he do?

Once, when they were going to renovate the house, Fu Seoul entrusted Lao Liu to measure the floor and told him to measure it accurately, so as not to waste too much money.

But Lao Liu still measured the floor of more than half of the room. And those floors are still left in Fu Seoul's house, there is no way to return them, and they are reluctant to throw them away, so they can only be idle forever.

Another time, Fu Seoul gave Lao Liu a mobile phone, which contained more than 20,000 **, which she treasured for several years. She asked Lao Liu to help her back it up.

But later, ** was not able to back up, and the phone was also broken. Fu Seoul always thought that it was because Lao Liu did not take his "guide" entrustment to heart, and kept delaying until the mobile phone was completely broken, and he regretted it.

Later, in "36 Questions", Lao Liu told the truth: he mistakenly thought that this mobile phone was for his son, so he directly restored the factory settings without any backup.

In other words, the loss of ** is actually artificial. If it is said at the beginning, Fu Seoul will still be angry and aggrieved;And when Lao Liu was finally willing to tell the truth, Fu Seoul could only be helpless.

These little things are a microcosm of their marriage. I understand Fu Seoul's helplessness very well: he has to work hard outside, and he may face a mess that his family can't handle well at any time.

But do you want her to lie flat like Lao Liu?Children who have suffered since childhood will naturally have high self-requirements, which is a kind of self-improvement and sense of responsibility forced by life.

Besides, if both of them lie flat, how can life continue?

And another big difference between the two is in terms of emotional expression. Fu Seoul is insecure because of his original family, so he very much needs a clear and determined emotional expression from his other half.

But Lao Liu is not Xi to express emotions directly, and even after 14 years of marriage, he has never said "I love you". Even he himself said that he himself may have "emotional expression disorder".

Lao Liu's evaluation of their marriage is:

Each other's philosophies of life are different;

It's hard to express your emotions;

It's hard to meet the needs of the other party.

And most importantly, it's hard to change.

Therefore, the separation of Fu Seoul and Lao Liu, there is really no one right or wrong, only two people with completely different personalities and lifestyles are discovering the differences between each other more and more, and they can't continue to live together.

One of them is a bird and the other is a fish. When the bird sees the fish swimming in the water, it thinks that the fish is not progressive;When the fish saw the bird flying in the sky, it felt that the bird was too tired to fly.

When two people are growing up at completely different paces, separating decently is a helpless choice, but also the best outcome.

But the vast majority of people have long been Xi to making do in marriage.

Just as we don't have the right to say that it's wrong to make do in marriage;But we have no right to say that those who have higher requirements for marriage are at fault.

Everyone has the right to choose marriage, separation or not separation, it is just two ways of life, and separation does not represent a failure in life.

When you sing about wine, life is geometric.

For example, the morning dew is bitter in the past.

Whether it's marriage or life. Since you have the right to choose, why not choose a way to make yourself happier?

Fu Seoul and Lao Liu, they are not only brave, but also firmly in love. Many people think that the end of a relationship must be an unforgivable mistake on the part of one party, and there must be a wicked person. If two people break up peacefully, and even after separation, they can recall the good points of the other party, it is hypocrisy.

But the end of the relationship is not necessarily a chicken flying dog jumping chicken feathers, even if you are separated, you can admit the beauty of the past, which is decent and relieved.

Fu Seoul said: "I don't regret marrying you, if I hadn't met you, my life might have been different." ”

And Lao Liu said: "If I choose again, I will choose to marry you." Because in that moment, you are still the best person I can find and the most suitable for myself. ”

These two sentences in the show really moved me.

Isn't this the best love?

In that moment, in that moment, in that time with each other, we loved each other deeply.

Even though time has passed and the road ahead is different, I still feel that you are the best travel companion in that time.

All relationships, where you feel hard, are forced.

Everyone will grow up in marriage, and they will all get to know themselves and their other half anew in marriage. If you find that you are no longer suitable for each other, it is better to let go gracefully and give each other decent blessings.

As Gu Jia said in "Thirty Only": "Our marriage is not a failure, but an end." ”

For a truly mature person, the way to end a relationship is not to cry and entangle, but to leave quietly and tacitly.

Fu Seoul Lao Liu's decency respectively allows us to see another kind of marriage sample: dare to choose love and dare to choose to let go.