Everyone has been in contact with me a lot, and they all know that I like to help you analyze things from the root cause and help you understand some problems by yourself.
Today's question is the same: how to keep yourself from being hurt in love?
When you hear this question, your first reaction is, what exactly do you do, what method do you use, or what techniques can you use to keep yourself from being harmed?
That's okay when we think about it, but it's not fundamental enough to get to the root of it.
For my character, I'll let you think about it first:What is Harm?
A lot of people will say: what's the problem, the hurt is to make me unhappy, to make me hurt physically and mentally, and so on.
That is to sayThe subject of the injury is you, and you judge whether this behavior is harmful, and if it exceeds the range you can accept, you feel that it is harm, and if it is not exceeded, you feel that it is not harm.
So now the question arises again: what is your judging criteria?And how did you come to be judged?
Again, I would like to state that my content today is limited to the relationship between the sexes, and I will not discuss anything else.
For example, let's say your partner, you find out that they are having an affair with other members of the opposite sex, and then you feel that this is a betrayal of your love, this behavior hurts you deeply, you are very painful, but you don't want to break up, how do you break this situation?
With this example in mind, let's think about itWhy do you feel that the object is ambiguous with the opposite sex, which is a disservice to you?
First of all, let's consider what your criteria are at this time, which is that you feel that loyalty is needed in the relationship, and if you are not faithful, you will have a feeling of being hurt.
At this point, I'm going to slowly introduce you to a way to solve psychological problemsIt's about getting to the bottom of things.
Now please continue to think about the question of why do you feel that loyalty is needed in a relationship?
Many people may be confused by this question, if you don't need loyalty, then why do you want this relationship.
I will not discuss this issue now, because it will be a long story to continue on this topic. I just need you to think about why a relationship needs loyalty
Think deeper,It is because since you were a child, the people around you have instilled in you the idea that the whole society is saying that love requires loyalty. So you have subtly embraced this idea.
But it still doesn't touch on the fundamentals, that is, why the whole society needs this kind of thinking?
Keep thinking and you'll find outBecause human nature is selfish, people don't like to run away from what belongs to themBut no one likes to use the bad word selfishness to describe love, so we changed to a lofty term, called: loyalty.
I would like to state here that I am not saying that loyalty is bad, because there is no good or bad in loyalty, I am just leading everyone to look at the problem from another perspective.
So, the reason why you feel ashamed to betray you is because you are selfish, selfishly wanting to have this person.
But we said it againLove is two independent individuals walking together on the road of lifetaIt doesn't belong to you, and you don't belong to TA, you just grow together, experience the beauty of having another person in your growth, and enjoy this love.
But now that they have abandoned this feeling, you don't need to feel hurtBecausetaIt doesn't belong to you in the first place, and you don't betray the concept anymore.
If you feel that your behavior has left you without this love, all you have to do is choose, choose to keep going, and you will find a way to guide him into your love track;If you can't accept it, you will abandon the relationship that does not belong to you.
In other words, dealing with this problem is not a question of harm or not, but a question of whether you want to choose.
When you turn an emotional question into a rational question, you don't feel hurt.
In love