1Last night, my wife woke me up and said angrily, "I dreamed that you had a third party outside, and you should apologize to me!"”
I replied, "I also dreamed that you had a third party outside, why didn't you apologize to me?".”
Her eyes suddenly widened: "Really?".Is that man handsome?”
2 Walking on the road with his current girlfriend, he ran into his ex-girlfriend, which was embarrassing!I hurriedly introduced my ex-girlfriend and said, "This is your sister-in-law. Then his girlfriend said, "Who is this?"The ex-girlfriend hurriedly said, "I used to be your sister-in-law!."”
3"Cuong always dozed off in class, and the teacher couldn't bear to wake up Cuong who was asleep and asked him: You know in the tortoise and rabbit race.
Why do rabbits lose?
I don't know"Cuong replied sleepily.
Because the rabbit is dozing off"The teacher said angrily.
Oh!I see"Ah Qiang realized, it turned out that all the people who didn't doze off were turtles!
4"Madam, how is your husband sleeping now?"The doctor asked, "Did you give him the sleeping pills I prescribed?""Eat, doctor. You said that he should be given as much powder as ten cents. But I didn't have a ten-cent coin, so I measured it for him with ten-pennies, but he was still asleep!”
5 In order to increase my knowledge, I mistakenly joined a doctoral group. There was a question: A drop of water falling from a height of 10 meters in free fall, hit a person will hurt or kill the group, and the discussion of various formulas assuming drag gravitational acceleration has been discussed for nearly an hour. At this time, I silently asked: Haven't you been drenched in the rain, and there was a sudden death-like silence in the groupAnd then I was kicked out of the group!
6 A bird flew into the zoo and saw a peacock open the screen. It said to the peacock, "Your tail is so beautiful!".The peacock proudly said, "Of course, I am the most beautiful bird." The bird smiled and said, "But your head is like a duck." ”
7. My colleague showed us her cousin's ** and asked if there was a suitable boy to introduce one.
Me: My brother is still single, do you want to get to know him?
Colleague: **Take it to see what it looks like?
Me: Just look at me, people have said that I am like my brother and my twins since I was a child.
Colleague: Uh!Forget it then!
8 One day, Xiao Ming went to a restaurant to eat and ordered a steak. The waiter asked, "How cooked do you want it?"Xiao Ming replied: "I want to be seven points ripe, and three points to think about life." ”
9 six people in a dormitory, the fourth child loves to snore when he sleeps, and we often can't sleep because of the noise, once the second child can't stand it, and it is a slap to go up, and the fourth child wakes up and looks at the second child in horror, the second brother says: Have a nightmare, the second brother will cover you with a quilt. The fourth brother said sleepily: Thank you, second brother.
10When I came home at night, I saw my wife's face pale and she looked like she was struggling. I asked her what was wrong, she said she was scared after watching a horror movie, I said it's okay, it's nothing to be afraid of, and then my wife said that you are not afraid of watching it, so I took it and watched it, and went to sleep after watching it. In the middle of the night, I didn't expect to hear all the sounds under the bed, and then open the door and open the window. Fortunately, after watching the movie, I knew that it was safest to hide under the covers.
11When I went out to eat, there was a little couple sitting next to me....The girl stared at the boy's face and said with some obsession: How did the scar on your face come about?It's really cool......The boy was silent for a while and said, "When I was six years old, my dad led me outside to play in the field, and he carried my legs around in circles, and after one turn, he was left with two shoes in his hands!
12I see that you are fat and ugly, and I feel that you must be single!
My brother-in-law had nothing to do after he went bankrupt, and I heard that delivering food for a month was a good salary, so he delivered takeaways. He never overtime in his deliveries, and he was especially punctual every time, so there were never bad reviews. Once my brother-in-law went to deliver food to a sister in a community, and the sister was an old customer who ordered 100 orders a month. He looked at his sister and said, "Sister, you must be single, right?".Girl: yes, what's wrong?Brother-in-law: It's okay, I see that you are fat and ugly, and I feel that you must be single!
Then, the girl decisively gave a bad review!