1After lunch, my daughter and I played with my mobile phone in bed.
The daughter said, "Mom, it is said on the Internet that you can make a Christmas tree out of fruit, let's buy some fruit." ”
When I heard it, I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep.
At this time, the daughter turned around and said, "Hmph, as soon as you hear that it costs money, you pretend to be asleep!."”
2 I told my classmates that I lost my bicycle and it had been less than a week since I bought it, and I was sad. The classmate said, what are you, I bought a bicycle, just glanced at it and lost it: the classmate asked someone else to help buy a bicycle, at noon, he was cooking instant noodles in the kitchen, only to hear someone downstairs shouting: "Xiao Wang, the car has been bought!".The classmate poked his head out of the window and looked at it and said, "Put it there, I'll go down now, thank you!.""Turn off the heat, wipe your hands, and go downstairs. The car is gone.
3. The school prohibits students from smoking, so we hide in the toilet and smoke. Once I was smoking in the toilet and found that there was no fire, and at this time a middle-aged man came to urinate, smoking a cigarette, dressed very ordinary, and I didn't know him. I asked him, "Dude, borrow a fire." "He looked at me, and lent me the fire, and I lit a cigarette and was spitting out the clouds. When the dean of education came, he saw the man and shouted, "Principal Wang, how can you have time to come to school today!."”
4 units organized a trip, and my colleague Da Li took his 5-year-old son with him. The owner likes Da Li's son very much. On the bus back, the boss teased him: "Son, you are my long-lost son......After Da Li's son heard this, he pounced on Da Li and knelt down: You and my mother often say that I picked it up. Now, my own father recognizes me, he also has money, and when I get out of the car for a while, I will go with him, and I don't hold back a car!
5Passing through the park, I was stopped by a fortune teller: "Young man, your life is at stake, and listen to the old man's ......."”
After hearing this, I was furious: "You are sick, Lao Tzu is thirty years old, it is rare to find a favorite girlfriend, and you actually said that she killed me ......."”
When I got home, I told my girlfriend about it, but my girlfriend didn't say a word, opened the door and went out, got through the corridor and said, "Dad, how can you do this?!.
6A colleague invited us to her house for dinner, and when we entered her house, we saw her husband barbeconing, and the house was full of fragrance. A colleague couldn't help but say, "It's so fragrant, your husband can also barbecue!."What a good husband!Some colleagues said, "Is your husband a chef?"Some joked: "I guess it's a roadside stall selling meat skewers!."My colleague laughed and said, "Haha, my husband, it's from the crematorium!.""Suddenly, everyone was silent, can you still eat barbecue?
Of the girlfriend of the second goods that 7 said!I went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get my certificate a few days ago!These two girls are extremely excited, by the way!It's not as simple as breaking up when we quarrel in the future!A quarrel in the future is a divorce!Do you know?If you quarrel with me in the future, my mother will divorce you!Haha!
8The goddess who had a crush on her daughter when she was studying hadn't updated her circle of friends for a long time, and she didn't reply to a few messages with concern, I heard that she was not in good health some time ago, and I thought of this anxious to ask another classmate, and the classmate replied: I just sent her a message, she replied in seconds, and she sent a circle of friends this morning**, what's wrong?You don't see that?When I grew up so old, I realized that there was a group in the circle of friends.
9 Yesterday, my best friend gossiped and said: One of her colleagues' eldest sister has just been divorced and was intervened by a third party!
The eldest sister's husband and colleagues have all seen it, and she is honest, and she usually pays her salary, and she doesn't look like that kind of person.
I asked: Then why is there still a junior?
The best friend said: Well, that eldest sister is too harsh on her husband.
The third party bought her husband a cigarette and hooked up.
I was silent, alas, I don't know if my boyfriend's pocket money is enough to spend?
10 Just now, my sister-in-law was beating my nephew, but I saw my nephew resisting the beating without saying a word. I asked him, why didn't you resist when your mother beat you?At the very least, I'll have to cry a few times!
Then I heard my nephew shouting to my sister-in-law: You old lady, if you don't kill me, when you are old and can't move, be careful that Lao Tzu doesn't serve you.
I was shocked. Then I quietly listened to my nephew's screams!And accompanied by help!
11. My sister is still single at the age of thirty, and today she just came home and her mother started nagging again.
My sister muttered impatiently: "Mom, how many times have I said it, I spend money lavishly, I don't marry if I don't have money, I can't hurt people!."”
I couldn't listen anymore: "You can't get married to a gold worshipper!!."”
When my mother heard this, she turned to me and yelled, "Shut up, you poor boy, who is qualified to make fun of a person who fights for his ideals!".”