I'm always telling people to have a positive attitude towards a breakup, but most people can't do it.
But if you ask these people: do you think you have a positive attitude after a breakup, or a negative attitude? I estimate that 9 out of 10 will still answer: positive is good.
It's something that everybody knows, but no one else can do.
There is a very important factor in this, which is that you are stuck in emotions, and it is difficult for you to jump out of the circle on your own, in fact, if you can step out of your thinking circle, you will suddenly be able to understand what is the right attitude.
So I bring you a new idea today, that is, you treat emotional problems as an object, and don't have your own emotions mixed in with them. You can think of redemption as anything, as long as it's anything concrete, it's okay with a pencil, it's okay with a painting.
Let's take a painting as an example, you can even animate it yourself and then you think about itNo matter how good a painter you are, you still have something you don't like about this painting, but don't ignore that this painting also has merits.
You can stare at your drawing and tell yourself that this stroke is good, that the colors are right, etc.
In the same way, it is the same principle in the relationship, if you are unhappy now, then there must be the beauty of the past, I am not letting you stare at the beauty of the past, but let you have an overall impression of the relationship, and you will not be limited to the unhappy present.
Why does this work so well?
If you use it a few times and try to look at the relationship problem in this way, you will not be limited to the current emotion.
The reason why many people are sad is because in their brain circuits, they feel that this relationship is over, and from the moment they say that they break up, it means that they have lost this relationship, so they are miserable.
From the current point of view, it is true, but if you only focus on the present, you must be wrong, you are not looking at the whole picture.
If you think about it, why you were broken up, there must be something wrong between you that you didn't realize. Suppose you can postpone the breakup, which means that the breakup time is pushed back, and you still have to face the breakup, and you will eventually be broken up.
But if you just take advantage of the opportunity of this breakup to solve the problems between you, to improve your own cognition, to find your own shortcomings, and to change your shortcomings, in fact, from the whole relationship process, this is a favorable thing.
Again, if you fix something that you don't look pretty, your whole painting will be much more beautiful.
In addition to what I said about treating a relationship problem as an object, you can also think of a relationship problem as a math problem. Or a math Xi book consisting of many math problems.
It's also a good direction to think about, if you have a problem, you just write it down and find a way to solve it.
For example, if you write it down, and the other party ignores you now, you think about how to make the other party think about yourself, for example, you can wait a lot, maybe the other party's emotions will be eased;Or don't talk about the question they are most disgusted with right now, and they may be able to communicate with me normally, etc.
Treat all the problems you encounter in recovery as math problems, don't bring your emotions into it, you just want to solve the problem, and you find that you become more pure, and you don't have so many negative thoughts.
I hope today's content can help you.
In love