For thousands of years, the idea that men should marry and women should marry has long been deeply rooted in the hearts of the people, and people are very cautious in choosing a mate, and have summed up a lot of experience from it.
Among them, there is an old saying:"I'd rather marry a second flower than marry someone left behind".
When many people hear this sentence, they are confused and do not understand"Second Flower" and "Left Behind".What is the meaning.
In fact, just from the two words "marry", we can know that this is the status quo of divorced and widowed women in the marriage market. "Second flower" here refers to a divorced woman, while "left behind" refers to a widowed woman
No matter when, people's greatest hope for marriage is to be able to grow old together and get along, but this is not for everyone, even in the feudal era, divorce and widowhood are common.
Although the ancient etiquette allowed divorced and widowed women to remarry, and there were many celebrities in history who took widows as wives, this is a very small number after all. But most women face a lot of life problems when their marriage fails.
In ancient times, few women would take the initiative to file for divorce, unless they had a strong family background, or their lives were too painful, they would not choose to take this path, so the common reasons for divorce were actually allThe man voluntarily divorced his wife
In the case of divorce, the reason is generally that the woman has committed the offenceThe sin of "seven outs".So-calledSeven out, that is, no children, unfilial in-laws, serious illness, gossip, stealing, jealousy, and red apricots out of the wall
After a woman divorces, she usually returns to her parents' home, but due to her divorced status, her mother's family will not treat her, and the people around her will gossip about her, so for the sake of the family's reputation, the woman's family will try their best to let them remarry.
Second marriage and remarriageThe woman will not get too much attention, and the bride price of the husband's family and the dowry of the mother's family are all according to the minimum requirements.
Even when they go to their in-laws' house, they don't get the respect they deserve, and many people will still suffer the pain of the old days after their second marriage.
Although a widowed woman will have a much better reputation, in feudal society, a woman's "loyalty" is considered the best quality, which requires a widowed woman to either never marry again, or commit suicide for the sake of her dead husband, only in this way will she be praised by everyone.
From the word "flower", it can be seen that the women who are called "second flowers" are divorced shortly after they got married, and they are relatively young, and in ancient times, flowers are usually used to describe the beauty of women.
But the "left behind" is different, many women are older when they lose their husbands, and they will have children of their own, and if a man marries a widow, it means that he has to bear more pressure on life.
In contrast, men, who are "visual animals", will naturally choose to be younger and more beautiful. Especially those women whose husbands died unexpectedly will be branded as "Kefu", and the ancients believed in numerology very much.
Therefore, in the marriage market, no one wants to marry such a woman at all, even ifWidowMorally, there is no stain, but in people's hearts, they areOminous people, which will bring misfortune to the family.
Even if there is the possibility of remarrying, it is inevitable that he will be ridiculed and discussed by his neighbors, and the husband's family will blame his wife for being a "leftover" for his bad life, and feel that it is this unlucky woman who will harm his life.
Compared with the "left behind", the ancients were much more tolerant of divorced women, and some even pitied their unhappy marriages, just like the name of "Second Flower", the ancients hoped that they could start a new relationship again.
And some people will also think that women who have experienced failed marriages will be more virtuous and virtuous, and will be more tolerant of their new husbands, so in the concept of the ancientsI'd rather marry a second flower than marry someone left behind
From this proverb, we can know that the gap between men and women in feudal society is very large.
Once a woman is divorced or loses her husband, she will be pointed at and even spurned by others, and she will always be stigmatized.
But men are different, a little powerful, even if they have been divorced dozens of times, they can still be called the "Diamond King Five" in the marriage market, which is very popular.
In ancient times, there were many factors that caused the tragedy of women's marriage and love, among which bothStrict hierarchies, deep-rooted family valuesis the main reason, but the deeper inner cause is"Male supremacy".of feudal ideas. It is precisely because of this that the concept of preference for sons over women has harmed Chinese women for more than 2,000 years.
But fortunately, the social status of women is gradually improving, and most women are financially independent, and they can have their own world after marriage, and they do not need to live around the family and their husbands.
Whether divorced or widowed, women can regain their happiness, which is a major sign of the rise of women's rights.