Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Husband and Wife Jokes Collection" (Attached: The weather is getting cold, everyone pay attention to keep warm!）
One night it was a little hot, and there were no mosquito coils, so I discussed with my daughter-in-law that I would drink some wine, and when the mosquitoes bite me, I would definitely get drunk, and then we would get up and fight again. The daughter-in-law who lacked heart eyes came directly: "You can drink some dichlorvos directly, and the effort to fight mosquitoes will be saved!."”
I was speechless......
The husband is out drinking with his buddies, and the wife is coming. The wife asked, "Where are you doing?"”
The husband replied angrily: "Lao Tzu is drinking, so don't bother Lao Tzu." ”
The wife said aggrievedly, "Why are you like this today?"”
The husband replied impatiently: "Okay, no more nonsense, hang up." ”
When my wife complained, she was fat, and came back to see how I cleaned you up, suddenly WeChat prompted: WeChat received 500 yuan.
Well, money can make ghosts grind, let alone just regain family status!
Husband: "I'm fed up with you scolding like this all day long!."I'm getting a divorce !!I'm going to find another one!”
Wife: "Just like you, you won't be scolded if you look for it again?"”
Husband: "If you are scolded, you will be scolded, at least you can listen to something fresh." ”
My husband took me on a motorcycle, and I grabbed his clothes. As he walked, he looked down at my hand and said, "Put it in my pocket." ”
I said suddenly, "Yo, you still know that you feel sorry for me, afraid that I'm cold?"”
The heartless husband replied, "I have a cigarette in my pocket, and I'm afraid of it." “
My husband, the status of cigarettes is higher than that of my wife!
I had just finished arguing with my wife and was about to go to work, when I went out, I found that my bag and keys were locked in the house. I know that at this time, it is even more difficult to get my wife to open the door than to ascend to the sky. So, I had an idea and shouted, "Look at me locking the door so that you can't get out!."”
You dare!!The door slammed open, and my wife rushed out violently.
You've got experience in this quarrel, hahaha, I'm laughing to death!
My wife and I quarreled again over a trivial matter, and she couldn't listen to what I said, yelling at me: "You shit!".”
I felt my wife go up, but I couldn't let it go. So I had an idea and said, "No wonder we are both presidents."
Quarrel, you keep making such unreasonable and harsh demands!”
Hahaha, you're a fucking genius!
Cheating on my wife for the first time.
When I got home from work, my wife cooked a meal, and after eating, I said to my wife, "Wife, I plan to book two plane tickets to Beijing." ”
She grabbed my hand and said, "Oh my God!."Is this true?Husband, I'm so excited. ”
To be honest, I'm also excited, because it's my number one," I said.
In the evening, my wife was picking up her luggage and asked me happily: "Husband, what clothes do you say I should prepare to go to Beijing, can you see this skirt?"”
I said casually: "I'm going on a business trip with the leader, what are you going to do?".”
My wife's face suddenly changed: "Get out, go to the sofa today." “
I had a dream last night, and everyone around me turned into zombies, and when I got up in the morning, I sent a message to my husband for comfort.
He replied: "Even if I become a zombie, I won't eat you, don't be afraid." ”
I was so moved that I was about to cry!Excitedly replied: "Can you control not eating me?".”
I waited with anticipation and happiness for the next sweet sentence, and received a reply in less than ten seconds: "It's too oily to eat." ”
Wife: "Do you know why there are more divorces in Western countries than in China?"”
Husband: "It's not simple, because Cupid, the Western god of love, is a little doll, while the old man under the moon in China is of course much more experienced!."”
My husband rarely plays cards, one day he took half a year's private money 100 yuan from home to play cards with friends, and praised himself and said: "I heard that novices play mahjong with their own halo, how can I let this little money a few cubs." ”
A few hours later, when he came back, I hurriedly asked, "Did that big ticket give birth?"”
Gave birth to ......Gave birth to ......The husband took out a 1 dollar bill from his pocket, and said with a sad face: "Unfortunately, its mother died." ”
My husband laughed me to death
If you like it, follow me, more hilarious jokes will make you happy every day!