Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Husband and Wife Jokes Collection" (Attached: The weather is getting cold, everyone pay attention to keep warm!Merry Christmas to all today!）
My wife and I were chatting in bed, and my wife suddenly said:"Now that the divorce rate is so high, my friends and colleagues around me mention divorce as soon as they quarrel, you see the two of us, we have been married for more than ten years, and we have not quarreled less, but you haven't mentioned it once, I am very moved!!"
Husband comes to say:"Are you stupid for me?At this price, can you still afford to marry if you leave?It's too much!“
The wife kicked and said, "." ”
My husband stared at him and said, "Try it again, I will take out a loan for you." ”
The wife snapped and slapped her, and the husband touched his face and said sideways: "I know you don't dare to kick!."”
Don't laugh at me, in fact, I'm not the rake ear, I'm still quite backbone, she doesn't dare to kick me!
My husband is a science and engineering man, and he doesn't know what romance is.
This year's Valentine's Day, I actually received his Valentine's Day gift. He said that this is a small hammer that he designed and made himself from his college days, which can not only smash pecans, but also open wine bottles.
I really wanted to use this little hammer to open my husband's head to see how much water was in it, give me a small hammer, how do I post it on Moments, others must have commented:
Valentine's Day with a hammer!
My wife complained today, saying that I had no ability, and I didn't have anything at home when I married her. She pointed to the wardrobe, color TV, bed, and quilt and said, "I brought these things from my mother's house, what do you have?"”
I smiled slightly, walked up to her, touched her belly and whispered, "You dare to say that you also brought the child from your mother's house?"”
Wife: "Dead ghost!."”
My wife went on a business trip and didn't come back for several days. In the afternoon, when she was in a meeting, she secretly sent me a text message: The leader next to me sleeps like a dead pig, and ...... funny
My mobile phone was in arrears that day, and I received a message after charging the phone bill at night: The leader next to me slept like a dead pig......
At that time, I was so angry that I smashed my phone, woo woo, the phone I just bought
My husband studied civil engineering. When we were in love, he often told me that every time he came home, the people in the village asked him how to build the house and how to furnish it. At that time, I really thought my husband was ......
After graduation, my husband took me home for the first time, and my neighbor's uncle came to my husband and asked, "Second baby, your little grandfather is getting married, and I plan to reorganize the pigsty”
Hahaha......It turns out that my husband said that the construction of the house is to repair the pigsty and the cowsty, and I laughed to death!On top of that, for the first time, I knew that his nickname was 'Erwazi', and that he was the lowest in their village!Any little doll is his grandfather's generation!
I was shopping with my husband that day, and I passed by a fashion store and saw that the clothes inside were really good.
I said to my husband, "The clothes are so beautiful, let's go in and have a look." ”
Husband: "What to go shopping!."The clothes in this kind of store are super expensive, do you bring any money?”
I looked at my wallet and said, "No." ”
Husband: ".Let's go, go in and have a walk
Hmmm?......Oops, this husband is laughing at me
While my wife was taking a bath, I looked at her phone and found a chat conversation between her and her mother-in-law.
Wife: "I'm panicking in my chest today, I'll beat him up later." ”
Mother-in-law: "Don't do unreasonable things."Let's go through the old accounts first, pave the way, and pave the way
Lao Li, who teaches mathematics, and his daughter-in-law divorced, and before leaving, his daughter-in-law wrote on the back of the divorce letter:145x154÷4(1+1)80
However, Lao Li exhausted all his mathematical expertise to solve the problem, and he didn't know what it meant.
Many years later, in order to solve the puzzle, Lao Li specially listed his ex-wife's mathematical formula on the blackboard and asked the students to solve it.
In an instant, the whole class said the exact answer in unison: ".Nothing!Nothing for nothing!Dead bastard!
Hahaha, this one is laughing at me
Hanging out with my husband and friends, in the elevator, we were in the innermost, and then my husband let out a loud fart, and everyone looked back.
My husband glared at him and said, "What do you see, my wife's fart doesn't stink!."”
At that time, I was on fire in my heart and made up my mind:I'll make you arrogant at this time, and I'll go back at night and see how I clean you up
Every week, I like to clean my home, and I feel bright.
Today, my husband didn't have to go out to socialize, and I thought that this time he could accompany me to work, so I instructed my husband and said, "Let's sing while working, okay?"I don't feel tired that way. ”
My husband smiled and said, "That's a good idea, let's come together, you are responsible for the housework, and I am responsible for singing." ”
It made me angry at the time!
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