No matter what age you are, please lay out yourself in 2024

No matter what happened in the past, no matter what life is like now, we all have the opportunity to reinvent ourselves.

In 2024, may mothers see their own value, live seriously, and become a better version of themselves.

Author |Potato Mom

Recently, I saw the story of a retired mother restarting her life, which made me both admire and envy.

Aegean was an ordinary mother, husband and child, worked hard, and managed most of her life, and finally raised her son.

What no one expected was that at the age of 57, she would pick up a paintbrush and become a painter.

When she was young, she worked as a salesperson and opened an embroidery factory, but she had nothing to do with painting.

At the age of more than half a hundred, she spent three years studying hard and studying hard, created more than 200 works, and held her own solo exhibition at the age of 61.

Today, she not only has gained a large number of fans, but also has been appreciated by many well-known painters.

Her experience is undoubtedly also telling mothers:

No matter how old we are or what our identity is, we can all reinvent ourselves and live our lives to the fullest.

In the next 2024, if you also want to change, want to improve, and want to live more relaxed and comfortable, then you must lay out yourself as soon as possible.

About the children:

Instead of a chicken baby, it is better to be a chicken

There was such a joke circulating on the Internet:

There are 3 kinds of stupid birds in this world, the first one is the first to fly, the second is too lazy to fly, and the third is the most hateful.

Have you ever been like the third bird, putting your expectations and pursuits on your children?

There is a pair of parents in Sichuan who forced their daughter to take the civil service exam after she graduated from university.

But her daughter is not here, and she still hasn't been able to go ashore after 5 years of exams.

What's even more embarrassing is that under the continuous persecution of her parents and the blows of successive failures, the girl's behavior became more and more bizarre, and the final examination was diagnosed as mental**.

Such tragedies are not unique, there are too many similar parents:

Forcing the child to take the first exam, 995 points will also be scolded;Fill your child's time with countless extracurricular classes, and you can't stop for a moment

If you are bankrupt, you have to buy a house in the school district and send your children to a prestigious school ......

The children were forced out of the disease one by one, and the parents still felt that the children were too hypocritical and fragile.

I remembered that there was a question on Zhihu: Don't let your child lose at the starting line, is it the biggest lie?

One of them replied with high praise:

It's not a lie, it's just the wrong one. Let the child not lose at the starting line, not to toss the child to death in the future, but to toss himself to death now.

Because the starting line of children is their parents.

Your economic ability, academic accomplishment, moral outlook, and vision and taste determine where your child starts running, where to run, and how to run. ”

When you enter the house, don't play with your phone and watch less TV

Read more books when you have time to improve your cognition and pattern

Create a reading corner at home to create a bookish atmosphere.

It's much more effective to push yourself more than to force your child.

About the mindset:

Stay away from anxiety and get rid of internal friction

A psychologist once treated a "problem boy".

The boy usually gets dizzy and uncomfortable inexplicably, and the whole person is also irritable, and he takes a lot of medicine but it doesn't work.

After a period of contact, psychologists found that the boy's symptoms were actually related to the mother's excessive anxiety.

Growing up, his mother was full of all kinds of worries about his upbringing, and every day after school, she kept asking the boy:

How are you today?Are you having a good time?Did any classmates bully you?”

Even when you go to high school, you still have to ask, "Did you eat well at school?".What do you wear every day?”

In this atmosphere, the boy became very anxious, and his mental burden became more and more great, and over time he developed psychological problems.

Brain scientist Professor Hong Lan said,Mom's anxiety is contagious.

An anxious mother will inevitably have an impatient personality and be emotionally unstable. She herself is full of fears and worries about everything, and naturally she does not have enough energy to tolerate and care for children.

And children who are shrouded in anxiety only feel unease, pressure and suffocation, and it is really difficult to achieve happiness and self-confidence.

What should we do if we want to get rid of anxiety and internal friction?

If you don't look at social networking, a lot of anxiety is actually compared to comparison

Give yourself a "holiday" on a regular basis, even if it's half an hour a day, or two hours on weekends, to take a break

Accept the boundaries of your ability and allow yourself to have times when you "can't do it" and "can't manage";

Constantly silently recite the 5 words "This is normal", it is normal for children to have problems, it is normal to cause trouble, and it is normal for us to be imperfect.

Only when the mother relaxes can she provide love and energy to the child.

About life:

Instead of complaining, make money

I have a cousin who graduated from a prestigious school, is beautiful, and has a good career.

But after getting married, she became a full-time wife at home, washing and cooking every day, and she was busy with unkempt hair.

She often complains that her children are too ignorant, her husband is not responsible, and her in-laws are not helpful, but she never thought about changing anything.

Until one day, she accidentally found out that her husband was cheating.

She was sad, but she refused to divorce, and even lowered her body to beg the other party.

Unexpectedly, her husband directly threw the divorce agreement in her face.

Even the child said that "I want to follow my father", because she dislikes her "I don't know anything, I will only ask my father for money".

After the divorce, she finally woke up and no longer felt sorry for herself all day long, but put all her thoughts on "making money", returning to the workplace, doing part-time jobs, and engaging in side hustles......

Last time, I saw her post such a circle of friends:

I used to think about how miserable and unfortunate I was, but now I know that it's useless to blindly complain, and it's the most real thing to have money in the card. ”

Yes, a woman who has no money can only cry bitterly when she encounters a change, and she has no choice at all.

No matter how much you pay, in the eyes of others, you are just a "useless middle-aged woman".

The writer Yishu once said:

"If a woman has no financial ability, she will never recover. Remember, work diligently and try to save money. ”

It's about health

Sleep well and keep exercising

Someone asked, what are you most afraid of after becoming a mother?

I said,The most feared thing is that I am sick, old, and absent.

I remember that in the documentary "The World 2", a 35-year-old female teacher unfortunately suffered from breast cancer.

In the face of illness, she is always smiling and optimistic, but as long as she mentions her 4-year-old daughter, she can't help but break down and cry.

"I can't listen to people talk about children, I'm fine if I don't talk about children, and when I talk about children, I'm sad, sad. ”"My baby is still so young, what will she do in the future?”

I can't imagine that if we fall, who will accompany the children to grow up and protect the children?

The older we get, the more we care, the more we can appreciate how precious it is to be healthy and disease-free.

Before I became a mother, I always liked to overeat, I was hungry and full when I was busy, and I especially liked to stay up late, and I would catch up on dramas all night at every turn.

At that time, I always felt that my body would not be so fragile, so I tossed hard.

But after becoming a mother, I didn't dare to get sick or be willful, not because I was afraid of the torture of illness, but because I was afraid that there would be no one to take care of the child now and no one to rely on in the future.

I remember for a while, I had a lot of headaches, and I wanted to check it again and again, but I didn't dare to, for fear that I would find out something serious.

Later, I was dragged to the hospital by my family, only to learn that it was caused by staying up late for a long time and lack of sleep.

After that time, I didn't dare to mess with my body anymore.

Because I know that I have children, lovers, and parents behind me.

Don't overdraw your health anymore, and take good care of your body while everything is still in time:

Eat on time and take every meal seriously;

Have a regular schedule, go to bed early and wake up early, and especially don't stay up late

Insist on exercising, yoga, jogging, climbing, etc., to improve your physical fitness;

Have regular physical examinations, and don't resist if you feel uncomfortable.

Always remember that taking care of yourself is the greatest responsibility for yourself and your family.

About marriage:

Let go of the old man and enrich himself

Some time ago, I went out to play with two mother-in-law friends, and I didn't bring the elderly and children, which was really cool.

In the past, I always thought that when I traveled, I should take the whole family with me, the elders should enjoy the happiness after a lifetime of hard work, and the younger generations should go out to see the world.

Then the whole process is either to consider the old or to take care of the young, and the other half not only can't help, but also always complains and drags back.

In the end, I was tired enough, and the trip became a sin.

This time was different, we threw the child to my husband on the weekend and completely "left it alone".

Then I booked myself a nice suite, and I could go wherever I wanted along the way, and eat whatever I wanted, without worrying about anyone.

After enjoying it for a few days, I am less depressed, I am in a better mood, and I can devote myself to my family and work with a fuller mental state.

In the book "The Evolution of Mothers", it is said that there is one thing that mothers must learn, and that is "self-care".

But many mothers do the opposite, they always give priority to their husbands and children, but they are constantly compromising and sacrificing.

No matter how expensive it is to buy food and clothing for my husband and children, I hesitate for a long time but still don't buy the things I like;

All the time and energy are spent on the family, but they never dress up and enrich themselves, and lose all their hobbies, social ......

There is a saying that is very true: you teach you how your partner treats you.

You always treat yourself badly, and the other person will get used to ignoring you;You know how to treat yourself, and the other party will naturally care about you and cherish you.

You love yourself first, and then others will love you.

Buy yourself more gifts as much as you can;

Cultivate hobbies, flower arrangement, painting, yoga, and calligraphy can be practiced

Empower yourself by learning a new knowledge or skill;

Stay away from people and things that consume you, and break off relationships that don't nourish you.

When you put all your energy into "enriching yourself", you will find that many problems and troubles will be solved.

In the past, we may not be perfect, often confused, often make mistakes, and even unconsciously lose ourselves.

But as Mayer Musk said:

"Life does not need to be limited, you will go wider and wider, at any age as long as you don't give up, life is infinitely exciting. ”

Identity and age are not the shackles that trap us.

The important thing is, do you dare to change yourself with action?

In 2024, may you and I be able to rearrange our lives, clean up negative energy, live our own lives, and love ourselves well.