1 single girl paper, all kinds of hatred to marry when she is old, last night I dreamed that I finally got my wish and got married and had a baby.
I was accidentally urinated by the child, and I was ......relieved in my dreams
Wake up with a smile and see that the hot water bottle used to warm my feet last night was tightly held in my arms, and it was still leaking!
2. When I married my husband, I weighed 88 pounds. Since giving birth to a son, every day is "the baby is full, but it's a pity to pour (throw) away, I'll eat it." "These include porridge, rice, bread, milk and all kinds of snacks that babies want to buy and refuse to eat......It's been five years, and the weight doesn't need to be said, anyway, in a word: what A4 waist bucket waist is weak, I successfully upgraded to a trash can waist!
3 I'm in Beijing, she is in Nanjing, I have always wanted her to come to Beijing, she is not very willing, said that she is used to staying in Nanjing, last week she finally agreed, because I went back to Nanjing to buy vegetables with her, she especially likes to eat corn, when buying corn, I said in passing: This corn is so expensive, 4 yuan a catty, Beijing is 5 yuan 6 sticks, and then. Then, she came to Beijing to eat corn for a long time. The world of foodies really can't be understood!
4 Winter is too cold!!I, my parents are teachers, my girlfriend is a teacher, my mother-in-law, and my father-in-law are all teachers, and now the winter vacation of all evils has begun, and I go to work alone every day, go out early and return late, and I am despised every day, what, you have to go to work tomorrow, go to bed early, don't go out to play, and go to work tomorrow. Every morning when I wake up, I am alone on a cold day, and I am drunk myself!!
5 Husband: Wife, wife, I just went to buy 15 yuan of fruit.
Wife: And then?
Husband: I gave the boss 100 yuan, and the second goods found me 95, haha.
You say he's not two?I just ran away.
Wife: Where's the fruit?
Husband: ......I forgot to take it!
6 In the Shanghai subway station, an elderly gentleman strayed into the downward passage of the escalator, but insisted on going up. His insistence and the movement of the escalator form a comical confrontation that attracts the attention of the passengers present. Eventually, a young man stepped forward to assist and gently guided him to the right path, and everyone around him was amused by the scene.
7 Yesterday on the bus, after swiping the card, because there are a lot of people, just stand next to the card reader with headphones to listen to the song, listen to the climax I sway, after a long time I feel that everyone is looking at me, the driver looks at me differently, it feels weird, and I don't care much. After a while, maybe the driver didn't want to go, and said to me: Brother, don't swipe the card again, there will be no money in your card if you swipe it again.
8 A girl asks her boyfriend, "Why do you like me?"The boyfriend replied, "Because you are the most special girl I have ever met, you are like a rabbit, always jumping around, I can't catch it." When the girl heard this, she said happily, "Then I am the rabbit you will never be able to catch!"”
9 Lao Wang bought a barrel of wine, and he was afraid that people would drink it secretly, so he wrote a note "This is not wine", and the next day there was half a barrel left. Then he changed the note "urine bucket", thinking that no one should drink it secretly this time, and when he got up in the morning, he saw that it was full!
10At the end of the company dinner, I was waiting for a bus with a female colleague on the side of the road, and she suddenly stood close to my left. Smelling the fragrance of her body and the faint smell of wine, I have a good idea of what will happen tonight. At this time, a car on the right side of the road sped by, and I realized that she was using me to block the splashed water!
11When I was in college, I slept in the bunk bunk, and one day in the dormitory, two brothers changed the bed on a whim, and the one who slept on the top bunk slept on the lower bunk, and the one who slept on the lower bunk slept on the top bunk, ......
Early the next morning, the brother who slept on the top bunk had a blue nose and a swollen face: "I got up in the middle of the night last night to go to the toilet, forgot to sleep on the top bunk, and stepped out with one foot, but didn't fall me to death." ”
The brother who slept in the lower bunk was even more aggrieved: "I wanted to go to the toilet last night, but I didn't touch the ladder a few times, so I held back and didn't go."
12 The young man asked the master: Master, why can't I find a girlfriend?
The master pointed to the bucket next to him and was silent.
The young man had an epiphany: The master said that I want to hold many things like a bucket, be a person with a belly, and don't have to think about my girlfriend
Master: I asked you to give me the bucket, and I was spit out by you.