Recently, I received a private message like this in the background: "Teacher, I have been with my boyfriend for more than two years, he is a few years older than me, he is doing very well in his career, he is very good, and he is more tolerant of me."
But when I was with him, I was always insecure, emotionally unstable, and easily out of control, and I would often repeatedly ask him to prove that he loved me by making trouble. I know it's wrong, but sometimes I just can't control it, what should I do? ”
In fact, it is obvious that you are at the heart of this relationship unstable.
What do you need to do to manage this long-term relationship? It is very important to cultivate your own core strongly. So how do you do it? I have summarized a few main points.
First of all, the first one relaxes the powerful aura
Why are some girls very calm in every relationship? Not because of how beautiful and capable she is, but because her aura is strong enough and flabby.
can exude a kind of self-confidence from the inside out, neither humble nor arrogant, it's the kind of lady who is the best anyway, and the final winner must be me, so I don't mind playing with you.
I will not think about it repeatedly because of a man's casual words or behaviors, consume myself, and let myself be hurt, nor will I always worry about whether I am in a low position, whether I am passive, etc.
Therefore, no matter what rank of man they meet, they can be calm and relaxed, and they will not let themselves fall into it completely. Attack when it's time to take the initiative, and set rules for men.
First of all, his self-worth is sufficient, and his mentality is relaxed, and he doesn't think a lot when he gets along with men, so he often hits with one blow, which makes men want to stop.
The second is the observer mentality
This belongs to a higher level of thinking, if you can have this kind of mentality, then you are absolutely invincible in the relationship, it is more effective than you learn Xi more emotional skills. What does that mean?
For example, if the other party deliberately uses routines on you to stimulate you, you will not be carried away by his emotions, but quietly watch him perform, and even occasionally cooperate with his performance.
It's that you won't get stuck in his home turf, but have your own framework and thoughts, completely independent of yourself, like an outsider, overlooking everything in the relationship.
Students often ask me, how should a man deal with his hot and cold feelings? In fact, the best thing to do is to ignore him, and then what to do? It is also with this observer mentality, watching him perform, not guessing what he means, and not being dominated by his emotions. When he finds out that his set doesn't work for you, he will naturally give up.
It's the same when they encounter contradictions or conflicts in getting along, many girls may stand on opposite sides of men when they encounter this situation, and the two people will fight fiercely, or they will regard themselves as a victim and be attacked by men.
In fact, the best way to deal with it is to pick yourself out, as an observer, above him, and let the bullets fly for a while. This is much more effective than a head-on confrontation with him when you are emotionally out of control. Men will also be shocked by you when they feel your calm aura, so they can adjust the way they speak.
The third, home awareness
The reason why many girls suffer from gains and losses in their relationships is because they put all their attention on this man, and their joys, sorrows, and sorrows completely depend on the man's behavior, which belongs to a kind of"Parasitic mentality"., is particularly undesirable.
Tell me, if you have this mentality, then if you are not in a low position, who is in a low position? And what are women with a real stable core like? is to have an absolute sense of home, which in turn determines a man's emotions, that is, "what kind of experience he can get in this relationship is up to me".
Then at this time, this relationship is "symbiotic" for you, you can give yourself a sense of security, and you don't have to wait for a man to love you and satisfy you.
Men only need to give you 30% is enough, and the remaining 70% you can be self-sufficient, or even what can you do? You can give it to this man in reverse, as for whether to give or not, and how much to give, it all depends on the man's performance and his dedication to you.
If it is a parasitic mentality, after a long time, this man will definitely want to escape, because his emotions are overconsumed, he will feel tired, and the symbiotic mentality is different.
You can get love from a man, and at the same time, you can give a man the nutrients of love, and you can give this man what he wants, because your core is stable.
What's the most critical? is that you yourself are an energy field, you don't need to carefully obtain love, and then seek his love from a man's words and deeds, then your relationship has always been positive and positive.
What kind of thinking do men have? Self-interested thinking that seeks advantages and avoids disadvantages. When you run after him and ask him for emotional nourishment, he can't hide from him, and he can't wait to stay away from you. And when you're strong enough to give it to him in return, he'll come running at you himself.
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