Such a family is distressing The wife looks down on her husband, but the son becomes a victim
There is a young college student, when he first entered the university, he encountered a conflict with his dormitory classmates, and was ** by the other party. In the heat of the fight, he was visibly overwhelmed and was eventually beaten to the ground by the winner.
Deeply aggrieved, he did not stop there, and quickly reported to the teacher, insisting that more severe measures should be taken against the other classmate, and even advocated expulsion. After investigation, the teacher criticized the other classmate, but also accused him of some responsibility. As a result, he felt deeply dissatisfied with the school's unfair treatment of problems and the teacher's preference for the other classmate, which made him unable to let go, which eventually led to the breeding of depression.
From then on, he gradually lost interest in class, curled up in his dorm bed all day, and was silent. He often had insomnia at night, and in order to escape his inner turmoil, he began to indulge in games, sometimes even wandering outside the school gate for a long time.
In order to prevent possible accidents, the school decided to let him go home and accept **. However, after returning home, he made all kinds of demands on his parents, especially his attitude towards his father became worse and worse, and eventually even evolved into a fierce conflict with his father.
After a period of **, the situation did not show any signs of improvement, so the parents decided to turn to me for help, hoping that I would be able to talk to the young man and provide him with some spiritual support and inspiration.
Obviously, a family of three came here, and I noticed a problem: the child was extremely dependent on his mother and showed rejection towards his father. Whenever he spoke, he always looked at his mother first. And the distance between him and his father is also considerable.
In the process of learning about the situation, I found out that the father was very afraid of the child. The child repeatedly attacked his father and even hit him, but the mother did not seem to recognize the seriousness of the problem. On the contrary, she also feels that her father has a certain responsibility: "It's all about the way you talk to him, he looks down on you, how can you ......."”
So I had a private conversation with my mother.
How many times did your son beat his father, and how many times?How many times a week or a month?I asked. She replied, "At least twice a week, and now my father doesn't even dare to come home." ”
Now, it's not uncommon for boys to beat their fathers. But I would like to remind you in all seriousness: to the extent of beating his father, the boy's psychological problems are quite serious!）
I then asked, "To what extent did he hit my father the hardest?"She said: "I kicked my father in my father's sensitive area, and as a result, my father had to go to the hospital**, and finally found that his internal organs were bleeding, and the condition was very serious. ”
Then I asked, "When did the child start to become estranged from his father?"She replied: "I have been estranged since elementary school because my father doesn't seem to care about him and lacks closeness. The mother added: "His father seems to have never been a good person, and he has no role model to speak of. ”
In fact, this father is a primary school teacher who has always taught at a high level, and even served as a deputy principal, and is loved and respected by his colleagues in the school. However, why is he so despised by his own children at home, even as ruthless as he is to a dog?
Eventually, I decided to have a one-on-one conversation with this father. He told me: "My wife scolds me, she scolds me as much as she wants!".”
During the consultation, I witnessed first-hand how the child's mother scolded the father. Obviously, in the eyes of this woman, her husband seems to have always been a waste.
Whenever the wife was angry and shouted loudly, the husband always bowed his head silently, showing extreme helplessness. I stopped on the spot: "You can't say that to your child's face!".”
But she continued to speak fiercely: "Look at him, he doesn't look like a man at all!."Such remarks happened in front of me, which shows how unabashedly she cursed and insulted this husband at home!
Here I would like to remind and make a brief analysis:
If a boy does not respect his father, there may be two situations: first, the father behaves irresponsibly and misbehaves outside, which affects his image in the son's mind. Second, the father is not useless, he may not have bad behavior, and he may even be a very good person. But the mother is dismissive of the father and constantly belittles him, and the mother's attitude will directly or indirectly affect the child's perception of the father.
When the husband's image in the eyes of his wife collapses, so does the father's image in the son's heart. The results can lead to almost negligible influence on the child from the father.
It is not an exaggeration to say that one of the responsibilities of being a mother is to understand that fathers are crucial in shaping the influence of boys. Boys are likely to face a series of problems as they grow up, 100 percent of which will encounter at least some challenges, perhaps even 99 percent. These questions may relate to aspects such as gender identity, personality, psychology or conduct.
Psychological research has shown that fathers play a decisive role in the rational development, male consciousness formation, character formation and socialization of boys, which cannot be completely replaced by mothers. If a boy lacks respect and love for his father, he may find it difficult to truly become a strong man.
On the other hand, if the wife lacks respect for her husband, the mother's attitude towards the father can also have a negative effect, which can lead to another evil, that is, the man may look for emotional sustenance outside. This behavior may be a form of revenge for resentment towards the wife, who may seek support from others out of emotional repression and the need for unloved affection.
Therefore, it is necessary to establish a democratic atmosphere in the establishment of a family, to clarify the leader of the family, and to ensure that the family has a good sense of rules and order. Once these rules and order feel broken, any member of the family can face problems. The existence of this problem reminds us that maintaining family harmony requires working together to ensure that every member receives the respect and love they deserve. Hopefully, these suggestions will be inspiring and instructive for some families.