The son-in-law is not only taking care of his own small family, but also shouldering the responsibilities of another family, which is the wife's family.
There is a popular saying among the people, "a son-in-law tops half a son", this sentence has been circulated for a long time, referring to the important role of the son-in-law in the wife's family.
In TV dramas, many families have specific requirements for their sons-in-law.
Generally speaking, the choice of sons-in-law in ancient societies was more focused on family background, that is, the so-called family pair.
Matchmakers are the first to assess the backgrounds of two families, and when they learn about families in need of marriage, they compare candidates with similar family backgrounds.
The first purpose of this is to increase the chances of success, and at the same time, it is easier for two people with similar family backgrounds to usher in happiness and contentment.
In addition, sometimes a suitable son-in-law will be found according to the preferences of the woman's family.
Many classic stories have plots of martial arts competitions, which are not fiction, but a record in real history.
During the Northern Zhou Dynasty, the great Sima Dou Yi held a grand event for his daughter to recruit relatives.
At that time, Da Sima built a ring in Chang'an, and placed a screen next to the ring with peacocks painted on it. As long as someone is a peacock in the ** of a hundred steps, he can become the son-in-law of Da Sima.
Whether it is the consideration of family background or the competition to recruit relatives, it represents the strict requirements of the woman's family for the son-in-law.
The son-in-law plays a very important role in the family, which is also reflected in the various strict requirements.
However, there is an old saying that has been widely circulated: "Son-in-law should not go to the grave, go to the grave to insult the ancestors". What is the origin of this statement?
The ritual of going to the grave originally originated as a sacrificial activity.
With the development of human society, the family as a social unit has gradually formed, and people not only live together, but also have spiritual beliefs together.
Beliefs were formed out of fear of the unknown and gradually evolved into sacrificial activities. The object of this ritual is partly transformed into the remembrance and remembrance of the deceased loved ones, and going to the grave becomes one of the ways.
The grave ceremony has many Xi and taboos.
When going to the grave, people do not choose to wear bright red or purple clothing. It is usually predominantly black to show respect for the deceased. In terms of clothing style, it is more inclined to choose a simple and simple style to reflect solemnity.
In addition to the dress code, it is also important to maintain an attitude of reverence when going to the grave. Don't laugh or laugh because it's seen as disrespectful to a deceased loved one. At the same time, it is also considered a blasphemy in the eyes of outsiders.
In the rites of going to the grave, it is generally performed in a specific order. The cemetery is cleaned up, leaves and dust are swept away, incense is applied, and offerings such as meat and wine are placed, followed by a worship ceremony and a farewell.
Xi of going to the grave varies from region to region. In the north, a low-key, quiet approach is generally preferred, while in some parts of the south, firecrackers may be set off to remind you of the beginning of the grave.
In addition, there are differences in the use of offerings between the northern and southern regions. In addition to the necessary meat, wine, fish, etc., dumplings are generally added in the north, while in the south, there is a tendency to make fruit cakes and so on.
In addition to ritual procedures and sacrificial differences, there are strict rules for participants.
Sick people and pregnant women usually do not participate in the rites of going to the grave, which not only takes into account physical factors, but also has some contraindications. It is generally believed that the yin qi in the cemetery is heavier, and the sick and pregnant women are susceptible to the impact of collisions.
A similar situation applies to children at grave visits, where children under the age of 3 are usually not allowed to participate.
Outsiders are also usually not allowed to attend the family's grave ceremony. Different families have different luck, and the participation of outsiders in the grave may cause some effects on the aura of the family, so it is generally avoided that outsiders participate.
As mentioned earlier, marriage is not just a matter of two people, but also a union of two families. The reason why the son-in-law is forbidden to participate in the grave may be related to the taboo of going to the grave.
There are many other names for son-in-law, such as Chenglong Kuaison-in-law, Golden Turtle Son-in-law, etc., which reflect the importance attached to the status of son-in-law. But are these claims true?
In ancient times, the title of son-in-law was actually conditional. In the case of the beetle son-in-law, under what circumstances is this title used?
The title of the golden beetle son-in-law is an accessory in the Tang Dynasty. According to the regulations, the fish charm bag above the third grade should be made of **, and the fish charm can also be made into gold to make a shape similar to a turtle.
Subsequently, the marriage of the ** who is above the third rank will be called the golden beetle son-in-law. With the passage of time, the son-in-law with a well-to-do family was also nicknamed the "golden beetle son-in-law".
Therefore, in ancient times, the status of a son-in-law largely depended on family background and economic conditions, and of course could also be affected by some special reasons.
Why can't a son-in-law participate in grave visits? There are deeper reasons.
There is a saying that "a married daughter is like water spilled out", which vividly illustrates the change of a woman's status in the original family after marriage.
This is closely related to the ancient concept of male superiority and inferiority of women.
In ancient times, the concept of clan was very important, and women usually changed their surnames after marrying into the man's family to indicate that they had integrated into the man's family.
After a woman marries into the man's family, in the eyes of her original family, she no longer belongs to the original family, but to the man's family. Even if the woman returns to her parents' home, she no longer has the right to speak.
A woman is eligible to be buried in her husband's ancestral grave if she is recognized by her husband's family for a hundred years after marriage; If it is not recognized, it cannot be buried in the ancestral grave of the husband's family, or even in the ancestral grave of the woman's family.
In short, when a woman marries into his family, she is no longer considered a member of her original family.
Even in the fate of a woman after marriage, the son-in-law is regarded as no different from a stranger, and cannot be counted as a member of the woman's family, so he cannot participate in the grave sacrifice of the woman's family.
Another reason is that ancient societies promoted the concept of having many children and grandchildren, and this concept has always been permeated in clan culture.
The idea of patriarchy has existed for a long time. It is a grave disrespect to have only a woman in the family to be seen as a debt to the fathers and fathers. This guilt is even stronger if there are only female offspring in the family and no male offspring.
Therefore, in the eyes of the woman's family, the son-in-law's participation in the grave is allowed. This is not only out of the consideration of status, but also a manifestation of the sense of mission of the clan to continue for future generations.
In fact, whether or not to allow a son-in-law to go to the grave seems to be only an oral tradition, but in fact it is a manifestation of feudal etiquette.
Going to the grave is a way to express grief and sustenance for the deceased loved ones, and it is an expression of love.
However, this expression is not limited to a specific scope.
People who are really close and affectionate do not necessarily need to be related by blood. As long as the emotion is deep, even a son-in-law can sincerely express his thoughts about the deceased.
On the Internet, if there is any infringement, contact to delete!!
The copy is for reference only and has no adverse effects!! 100 Helping Programs