Just like ten fingers have their own lengths, each person has their own unique preferences and preferences. In families with many siblings, parental favoritism is sometimes unavoidable. The emotional world is complex and profound, and it is not easy for parents to achieve fairness and justice in it. However, as parents, we should try to show our love for each child in private, despite the unavoidable preference.
In the eyes of outsiders, at least in the eyes of children, it is necessary to strive to make every parent feel treated equally, and not to clearly show a preference for one person or another. Parental preference, especially patriarchy, once it is not very divided, or excessive, such a preference is likely to end from trying to please at the beginning to feeling chilling in the end. Once the heart is cold, it is basically difficult to make up for it. As the saying goes, if you plant melons, you will get melons, and if you plant beans, you will get beans.
For those parents who are eccentric, they can't get it when their children need care and love, and they have the ability to explain and provide it when they need help after getting married and starting a family, so when their children reply to the letter, they are likely to not get the emotional feedback they should have in the emotional relationship, including the parents and children in the family relationship. Li Yao met such a mother, which made her feel cold.
My husband and I fell in love and got married, but my mother-in-law agreed, because my mother-in-law's family was financially average. My mother said that it was for my good, thinking that marriage was a woman's second reincarnation, and that in order to live a good life, she could not marry a poor person. Actually, it was because the bride price given by my husband was not up to my mother's standard. Falling in love and getting married is a happy time, but the parents of other girls are teaching their daughters that marriage is more important than wealth.
As long as it is not extremely poor, as long as the other party is an observer and self-motivated, it is acceptable. However, my mother thought that for my own good, she obstructed my marriage in every way, and even went to my in-law's house**. If it weren't for my obedience in the past 20 years, for the sake of my feelings, I would finally be angry. Tell my mother directly, if she has to mess with my marriage, then I won't marry hard in my life, stay and worry about my brother, and let him be single for the rest of his life.
Later, my husband and I got married and gave a dowry of 60,000 yuan, but my mother did not give me a dowry. Since then, I have drawn a line with my mother's family. When I first got married, my husband and I had a really hard time, the marriage fee was a lot, and my mother-in-law was sick again. But the two of us didn't complain, gritted our teeth, held our noses, and just happened to come over. In the fifth year, we took out a loan to buy a house for ourselves, and I also gave birth to a daughter.
There should be no overnight feud between mother and daughter, family affection is connected by blood, broken bones and tendons. I have seen many conflicts between mothers and daughters because of marriage issues, but no matter how many turmoil there were at the time, they will be reconciled after a while. After all, mothers are always reluctant to see their children suffer, and children understand their mother's love for them. But between me and my mom, that didn't happen.
After getting married, no matter how difficult it was, there were a few times when I almost couldn't eat. And my mother's family and I are only separated by a village, so it is impossible for my mother not to know. But she didn't even look at me, let alone offer any help. She even told others that I was a white-eyed wolf because she didn't give her living expenses after getting married. My mom never mentions it, she's patriarchal, so she ignores me. There is neither emotional care nor much material support.
In her heart, only her son existed. Besides, when I got married, I spent 60,000 yuan on a bride price, which may not be a big deal for the rich, but for us, it is already a lot of money. My mother didn't even have a dime of dowry, and even the wedding expenses were borne by my in-laws' family, and I really didn't think my mother was qualified to say that I was revenge on her. In the seventh year of my marriage, my mother's house was demolished, and my mother got a house and 100 yuan.
To be honest, my father is not a remote boy, but he has a relatively gentle personality and cannot quarrel with my mother, and for the sake of the peace of the family, he can only let me endure grievances. Before he fell ill, in order to leave me a little property, he left a will, giving me half of the property in his name. By the time I was 12 years old, I could already remember. But I was still looking forward to my mother's love at that time, and I was full of illusions about family affection, so I never mentioned this document.
When I got married, my mother made things so bad, and I still didn't resist, and I didn't want to tear the last fig leaf. In other words, although my mother's house was demolished and I was given a share of the house and money, I have not pursued it before. Not now, of course. If it weren't for the fact that I was not in good health and needed surgery, I might have asked my mother for money. It may be that the struggle was too hard before, and the body was overloaded.
Later, my illness and the cost of surgery reached almost 100,000 yuan, and my husband and I still needed a monthly mortgage, adopted a daughter, and paid for daily expenses and taking care of my mother-in-law, which was almost impossible to deprive. Therefore, we can't afford to pay 100,000 yuan. After much deliberation, I thought of the will, and also of the million demolition money in my mother's hands. So I found my mother and hoped that she would lend me 100,000 yuan, but in the end, she would lend me 100,000 yuan, and I would sign an IOU.
However, at the mention of the need for money, my mother, like crazy, tore up my father's will first. Then she rebuked me loudly, saying that the daughter who married was a spilled water, and that she should not covet her mother's money. No matter how much I pleaded, I told her I was sick and couldn't really ask her for help. I said my husband and I would be okay and asked her to help me.
However, my mother still ignored me, saying that the mother-daughter relationship with me had broken down repeatedly. In the end, it was the old neighbor who came out to persuade her to say a few words, and she reluctantly borrowed 5,000 yuan from me. She even said that if you don't have money, you don't want it, it's your life. There are no words to describe how I felt, and even though it was the height of summer, I felt cold all over my body. I didn't accept the $5,000 my mother lent me, told her that we had nothing to do with each other and left us.
It just so happened that it was my husband and mother-in-law who borrowed money and managed to get together 100,000 yuan. Time flies, 15 years have passed, my husband and I worked hard, and we also worked part-time in our spare time, not only paid off 100,000 yuan, but also crossed the family conditions I once thought that in this life, unless my mother died, it was impossible for me to see her. However, who would have thought that she would find me.
My mother is now too old and frail to do housework, help her younger brother and sister-in-law, and have nothing on hand. Therefore, she was kicked out. Secondly, she told me that her son and daughter were her children, and that she had worked hard for me to give birth, and that I should provide for her in her old age. I asked her, "Mom, how many times have I given you a chance to share the motherly love between you and us?"You don't cherish it once. You touch your conscience and say, do I really pay off the grace of childbirth?
No matter how my mother apologized, I remained silent, some hurt and wronged, because it was not a sentence that could not be resolved. Moreover, I don't believe that my mother's current apology is a sincere recognition of her mistake, she just wants to support me, and she doesn't want her son to lose face. Otherwise, at the end of each apology, she will emphasize: "Your brother is also a last resort." ”
What does my brother have to do?He got all my mother's favor and property, what is there to say?But I didn't mention this to my mother, how can it be easy to say that the eccentric eyes that are deep in my bones?But I didn't want to be a big wrongdoer, so I told my mother that I would give her 500 yuan a month for living expenses, which was not enough to ask my son. As for my brother's house, you have the right to live in it, and if you can't help it, that's not something I'm going to think about.
If you're sick, I can cover half of the cost, but I don't have any more. I think I've done my best, but my mom thinks I'm ruthless. It doesn't matter, although you can't forgive her, you can't treat her the same way that nothing happened. If she has to say it, then I can only return this sentence to her as she did when she told me that I had no money and no need for treatment. Do you think I'm really ruthless?
My opinion on this question is that you are not really ruthless, you are just responding to your mother in a reasonable way. Your willingness to bear half of the medical bills has shown your kindness and sense of responsibility. And your mother's accusations seem to be based on misunderstanding and prejudice against you. Everyone has their own values and lifestyle, and you don't have to act according to her expectations. If she can't understand your behavior, let her experience what it's like to be without your help. After all, life is our own, and we can't be swayed by other people's opinions.