Text: Wei Yonglong.
I am 35 years old this year, currently working on the construction site, a month's salary is about more than 8,000, next week the weather will cool down to below zero, the moisture contained in the soil, concrete, mortar, etc. is frozen, the building materials are easy to crack, the construction site will be suspended, I make less money, I can't sleep every day, and I dare not tell my wife, I am afraid that she will divorce me.
My current family situation is that I have a son and a daughter, my daughter is in junior high school, my son is in elementary school, my father is paralyzed in bed, and my wife needs to take care of me alone at home and abroad.
My father has a bad temper, a small belly, and loves to be angry, my mother has lived with him for ten years, and the two have quarreled many times in the past ten years, and every time my mother has said no to him, he is so angry that he sheds tears, my father not only did not feel that he was wrong, but also blamed my mother for having too many tears and crying at every turn.
When I was ten years old, we divorced. My mother left me and remarried with my two older sisters, and I lived with my father after that. My father is selfish by nature and doesn't care about me, but my grandfather brought me up. Later, when I was able to support myself, I bought food and drink for my grandfather, and gave him a pension to die.
My father worked in other places and didn't come home all year round, and when I got married, I built the house in my hometown with my own money. In the years after marriage, I had a son and a daughter, my wife was at home with the children, and I worked in other places to earn money.
I think this is very good, who knew that when my son was two years old, my father had a stroke and was paralyzed, I called my mother **, she said: We are divorced, his affairs have nothing to do with me, you are his son, you should take care of him, but I have no obligation to take care of him.
I can't really ignore my father, I can only take him home. My wife had to take care of two children, and I really didn't have the energy to take care of my father, so I quit my job and found a job in my hometown to take care of my father while supporting my family.
But the salary in our county is low, and the jobs I am looking for are around 5,000. For the convenience of work, I rented a house in the county seat, and my family moved to the county seat. My son and daughter study in a private school in the county, our local policy is that if you belong to the direct jurisdiction, you must buy a house in the city, and transfer the rural household registration to the city in order to study in a public school, my wife and I are both rural residents, and there are still a few acres of land at home, we don't want to transfer, we can only let the children go to private schools, and the tuition fee for the two is more than 20,000 yuan a year, which is not counting eating, drinking, and Lazar.
Although my wife is frugal every day and is usually reluctant to buy meat, my salary is still moonlight. I was worried that this would not be the way to go, so I went to work during the day and accompanied my father to the park at night to exercise.
After persisting for about three months, my father was able to put on his own clothes and shoes, but he moved more slowly, and after half a year, he was able to cook some simple meals by himself. I saw that my father was recovering well, so I went back to work.
Last year, my daughter, who was in the second year of junior high school, became rebellious, and her grades also fell sharply, and the teacher gave feedback to his wife several times, and the wife was worried that her daughter would not be admitted to high school, so she gritted her teeth and enrolled her in an extracurricular class, 4,000 yuan a semester. Although my daughter went to class after school every day, she was distracted in class and had little effect, so she did not report in the second semester.
The daughter said that she wanted to learn to draw, and the wife thought that it was good for the child to have his own hobbies and release the pressure, so she enrolled in painting classes. The daughter also learned to compare, wanted a good mobile phone, and bought clothes and shoes for two or three hundred.
I thought my daughter's life was too luxurious, but my daughter asked me: My classmates around me are all dressed like this, why can they afford it, but I can't?
I want to tell my daughter that the conditions of our family are different from those of other people's families, and we have to come according to the actual situation. If she really wants to compare, why doesn't she compare her grades with her classmates, but she has to compare food and clothing?
My wife was worried that her daughter was already rebellious, and she would be even more rebellious when she heard my words, so she advised me not to say it.
I know that my wife feels guilty about her daughter, our family has not been easy these years, and the two children have suffered a lot with us, usually my daughter wears the small clothes worn by her cousins, and rarely has her own new clothes, and now she has reached the age of loving beauty, and naturally wants to wear new clothes.
I know that I am really ashamed of my daughter, and I turn a blind eye to many of her vexatious practices.
I work on the construction site, I can work for about nine months a year, and when the weather is cold, I go back to the county to find other jobs to do, not to make much money, just to wrap up the whole family's food, drink and Lazar.
However, this year's construction site is not good, many construction sites have not started, I can only work around as casual workers, just like where I work now, the amount of work is not large, basically four days a week to work for three days, I want to go home when I want to rest, but it seems that the return fee is more than 200, I feel sorry for the money, and I live on the construction site when I rest.
When I was working, I added a chicken leg to my meal at noon, and when I wasn't working, I bought a small bag of pickles to eat. When the weather cools down, I wear the padded jacket I bought many years ago, and the sleeves of the jacket are grinding and pilling, and I am reluctant to buy a new one, I think that I can save some flowers, and my wife and children will have a better life.
In order to relieve my pressure, my wife found a manual job and could earn twenty or thirty yuan a day. Although my wife and I are frugal and even save money, we still haven't saved money this year.
Last month, my father was hospitalized with a high fever and spent more than 1,000 yuan in the hospital for 3 days. My father was old and lazy, but this time he got sick and became lazier, he was afraid that he would leave without knowing when he would, and his mentality had changed, and he was willing to eat and drink.
When his wife went out to buy vegetables, he told her not to forget to buy meat, and buy some snacks and fruits. When his wife was cooking, as long as there was no meat in the dish, he was angry, and everyone slept at night, and he deliberately knocked on the table and bench to disturb everyone's sleep.
My wife couldn't do anything about him, so she cried and called me **. My wife said that she didn't dare to think about the future, and she said that the willows and flowers were bright and another village, but she didn't know when such a day would be a head and when she would be able to get through. Life is too difficult, and sometimes she wants to leave this home and live a quiet life alone.
I understand my wife's difficulties, but I can't go back, so I can only persuade my father to be considerate and considerate of me in **, it's not easy to make money this year, it's better to save some flowers, but my father said: Why?I don't eat or drink now, do I wait for a hundred years to go underground to eat and drink?
My father was stubborn, and I couldn't convince him. My wife and I have recently been discussing whether to let our children go back to their hometowns, where the schools are public, so that we can save a year's tuition money.
The wife knew that there was no way out, so she discussed it with her son and daughter. The son said that he did not want to go back to his hometown, most of the people in the village lived in other places or in the city, and there were very few people in his hometown, and he had no friends to play when he went back. My daughter doesn't want to go back, she is reluctant to go back to her classmates, and it is not as convenient to buy things in her hometown as it is in the city.
My wife was also very helpless, she said, it's really not good, she went to find a job, no matter how hard she was, she couldn't be bitter about the child, since the child didn't want to go back, forget it.
My wife is now looking for a part-time job, working eight hours a day, my father doesn't want to cook, my wife orders takeout for him and he doesn't eat it, and he makes a meal in the morning and leaves it in the pot, he feels that it is not fresh, and his wife rushes home to cook for him after work at noon, and then goes to work.
Seeing my wife working so hard, I feel very uncomfortable. I feel like a failure, 35 years old, I can't give my wife and children a better life, and let them suffer with me.
Seeing that the construction site is about to be stopped, and the money for this year's Spring Festival has not yet been settled, I can't sleep anxiously every day, and I don't dare to tell my wife, she is already under a lot of pressure, and I don't want to pass on my anxiety to him anymore.
I don't know how many people are living my current life, I sometimes think about it, life is quite boring, I feel that after birth, I am either suffering or on the way to suffering, but seeing that my wife has been helping me to share the burden, I feel that I am not qualified to complain about anything. Maybe after these two years, when the children are older, maybe life will be a little better.