As we all know, since ancient times, China has been a country that attaches great importance to etiquette. Whether it's the wedding of loved ones and friends, or the full moon of a child, a move, or the death of a loved one, there will be a tradition of accompanying the gift.
In addition to receiving gifts, people also participate in various activities to express their sincere feelings. However, in some cases, people may also be bothered by these ceremonial activities.
How much you follow the courtesy, whether you follow it or not, will bring trouble to everyone, because now some courtesies make you feel uncomfortable, and you feel unacceptable if you don't follow your face.
In fact, certain etiquette is not mandatory. Although China is known as a country of etiquette, following etiquette also has its own uniqueness, and there are several specific situations where etiquette must not be followed.
Although the gift was originally based on the deep affection of both parties, with the growing pursuit of material things in society, more people began to see the gift of relatives and friends as a means of accumulating wealth.
Courtesy for the purpose of collecting money is not allowed
In Chinese culture, the marriage of a newlywed, the full moon of a child, the relocation of a new home, and even the death of an elderly person are all seen as major events in life. Therefore, Chinese usually hold grand banquets to entertain relatives and friends.
This was originally intended to convey sincere affection between people, because whether it is a celebration or a funeral, the relationship between the two parties is very harmonious, and only when the host family comes forward, and the invitees will also respond with attendance and salute as a way to express their feelings.
At first, this was a very beautiful thing, but as society progressed, some people lost their original intentions in a materialistic society, using their sincere feelings and trust with others as a means of accumulating wealth.
Whether it is a child's full moon, 100 days, or the father's 80th birthday, or the child's 18th birthday, or even the successful admission to an ordinary university, a grand banquet will be held to invite all family and friends.
Transform the original intention of sharing happiness into an indirect way to make money, taking the college entrance banquet as an example, usually only when the child is admitted to a prestigious university, will he invite friends to share his happiness and praise the child in this way.
But nowadays, no matter which school they enter, many parents will hold a banquet to raise money, and although they say that they are "sharing the joy and sharing the joy together", they are actually thinking about how much money they can make this time.
Some people are even more elaborately planned, and even hold a grand banquet for the second marriage, collect a red envelope again, and they even choose to get engaged, married, divorced or remarried in order to get the gift money.
Even more frightening, some people seem to be attracted to money, and even give out invitations to dinner parties in their homes, hoping that friends will give them gifts.
In this situation, you may see others as close friends and others as potential threats, and you can simply refuse such an invitation without hesitation.
Otherwise, if you give someone a gift casually, they may not appreciate your kindness, and if it goes on like this for a long time, they may take it for granted and may even ask for more items further.
In the hearts of the other party, they do not regard themselves as close friends, but simply give a few hundred clear gifts, and the loss of such friendship is also worth cherishing.
Blind accommodation and connivance can eventually lead to a loss of both human and financial resources, and at the same time destroy the social atmosphere, so this kind of etiquette is absolutely unacceptable.
The gift that is not invited does not follow
In Chinese culture, both weddings and funerals are regarded as crucial events. In the face of such a major event, people often prepare a banquet with great care, inviting those family and friends who they consider important or close to them, because it is undoubtedly a major event in life.
As a deep concern for your friends, you must be present on time after receiving the invitation, not only by the presence of people, but also by the delivery of gifts. But sometimes, you may feel that you have a fairly good relationship with the other person, but the other person has not invited you, whether it is well-intentioned or well-intentioned.
In this case, I strongly advise you to definitely not attend, because if you are not invited, it is actually expressed by the other person through actual actions, and deep down in his heart, the relationship between you is actually not that close.
I can't even think of you in the matter of collecting money, let alone helping each other later, this is simply a fantasy, and in the other person's heart, you may not be worthy of going to the banquet.
In this case, even if you go and just accept politely, you may be despised by others. In fact, such behavior is telling the other person that you lack dignity and temper, and then you may become even more unappreciated.
There is also a situation where the other person doesn't invite you, but when you get the news from your mutual friend that they're hosting a party, it becomes even more indispensable.
If you tell your mutual friends but don't invite you, your place in their hearts has become so obvious that you are asking for a gift at this point.
However, there is a special situation in which something happens in the other person's home, because they are deeply in the pain of losing a loved one, and this temporary forgetting is acceptable, which is also consistent with what we often say "white things come uninvited".
Follow the etiquette of never leaving or returning.
In Chinese culture, there is a word called "courtesy exchange", which means that in the process of giving gifts, you have to go and return, which is not only a manifestation of etiquette, but also deepens the emotional bond between people.
However, in real life, there is a type of person who invites relatives and friends from all sides to a banquet with great fanfare, and even relatives and friends are present to accept gifts, which not only maintains the relationship between you, but also creates a seemingly harmonious atmosphere.
However, when it is your turn to hold a banquet and sincerely invite the other person to participate, you are often rejected in various forms, either this or that, in short, if no one comes, the etiquette cannot be handled at will.
Others behave more extremely, even taking a "human vapor" approach. Faced with this situation, it is difficult for them to feel comfortable inside. Therefore, if this is the case, the next time the other party invites them to the banquet again, they will still choose to refuse, thinking that this is the best solution.
After all, the other party obviously sees himself as a mobile ATM, and he doesn't care about the feelings of both parties, and he acts politely like "meat buns beating dogs", and in the end, he is just full of dissatisfaction in his heart.
Gifts that have not been in contact for a long time will not follow
The emotional bonds between people are gradually formed over a long period of time, and almost everyone maintains a close connection with each other.
Especially in today's age when communication technology is so advanced and efficient, people can make emotional connections and share moments of daily life anytime, anywhere, and no longer being connected often means that relationships have become cold or have become less harmonious.
However, there are also people who have been in contact with you for several years, but they will definitely reach out to you when you are needed as a gift, such as a wedding or funeral.
The reality is that you obviously want the gift money, but if you accept it, others may not remember you when you get there, let alone say hello, and you will feel like a stranger after the banquet.
Faced with this situation, I suggest that you better not compromise easily, and if the relationship is not sincere, you can always break it off, otherwise it will only end up consuming yourself.