1A classmate was on a blind date, I asked him how he was, and he said that he was half the battle.
He went, but no one went.
2 Yesterday afternoon, I suddenly found that I had neck lines. I didn't have the heart to eat dinner, so I went to the Internet to find out if there was any neck care cream.
Husband: If you don't eat, you go shopping online, what do you want to buy???
I didn't bother to pay attention to him, and replied: Buy ...... for wiping your neck
Husband: Daughter-in-law, do you still need to buy it? Our kitchen knives and fruit knives have ...... for any knife
Me: Get out! 3 "What is the experience of being single for more than two years?" After 20 years of being single, I don't know which two years you are talking about? ”
4 was in class, suddenly an Alaska slowly entered the classroom, the teacher blasted it out, and after a while, it came again, and the teacher didn't rush to see what it wanted to do? The goods walked here and there, sniffed and sniffed, and walked to a female classmate in the second row, and the female classmate jumped to the side in fright. This thing stretched out its claws to gouge in the hole in the table, turned out a meat sandwich bun, and then walked away slowly with the meat sandwich bun in his mouth!
5 "Our children like to suck their fingers, but they can't change it, so I can't help it, so I bought some chili oil and smeared it on my fingers. "Did you change it later?" "Hey! Don't mention it, this kid doesn't eat Sichuan food now! ”
6. The boss paid a salary of 6,000 yuan, and the boss handed it to me twice, and I didn't count it and put it in my pocket, and the boss said that you don't count it! I said I trust you, boss. At that time, I didn't care if my boss looked at me wrongly. Go home and count two hundred! Boss, what kind of trouble are you doing! Want to test me? Now I finally understand what the boss's resentful eyes meant. Do I want to give it back?
7 girlfriends are ugly, but they have a good figure, so they want to attract men with their figures. So my girlfriend went to the shopping mall to buy a miniskirt and asked the boss: "Take out your shortest skirt and let me take a look." The boss took out a few pieces, and the girlfriend looked too long: "Is there a shorter one?" The boss said, "No, it's all up to the thigh, how short do you want to be?" At this time, the boss and girlfriend who sold goods next to him said, "I have it!" As he spoke, he took out a belt: "Do you want to see this?" ”
8 In class today, the math teacher wrote a blackboard full of exam questions to solve the problem, and when I was about to copy the paragraph, she made a big cross on the blackboard and said loudly: "This is the problem you solved, it is a mess of mistakes, and writing like this is a waste of national ink!"
9 And the French say: Wine is good;
The British say: Whiskey is good;
The Chinese say: The second pot head is good.
Everyone had their own opinions, so they found rats to do experiments to see which kind of wine was good.
After the first mouse drank wine, he sat down and played a piano tune.
After the second mouse drank the whiskey, he danced the tango merrily.
After the third mouse drank the second pot head, he went into the kitchen without saying a word and carried a kitchen knife, and asked menacingly: What about the cat?
The French and British looked at it and said: No wonder the Chinese are so good, or Chinese wine is better!
10 professors sit opposite each other on the train with peasants, bored.
The professor said: If you don't know about a question, give me 5 yuan, if you ask a question, if I don't know, how about giving you 500 yuan?
The farmer agreed. Professor asks: How far is the Moon from the Earth?
Without saying a word, the farmer handed the professor 5 yuan.
The farmer asked: What kind of animal is it with three legs up the mountain and four legs on the bottom?
The professor was puzzled and had no choice but to give the farmer 500 yuan.
The farmer took the money and prepared to sleep.
The professor asked: What kind of animal is the three-legged uphill and the four-legged downhill?
Without saying a word, the peasant handed the professor 5 yuan and went to sleep.
Low education and high IQ, it's terrible!
11I will laugh for twelve hours, and I will die of exhaustion.
An old man went to see a doctor, and the doctor prescribed him a pair of medicines and said to him"The effect of the drug is twelve hours".
The old man nodded and walked away with a smile, and the old man laughed as he walked, and when he got home, he kept laughing and laughing.
The family asked strangely, "What's the matter with you?"
The old man said, "I'll go, what kind of medicine is this doctor prescribed, I will laugh for twelve hours, and I will be tired to death."