1. Watch TV with my husband in the living room at night. It's late, my husband said to sleep?!
I played tricks on my husband, "Husband, I want you to carry me in!". ”
My husband looked at me and said, "Forget it, I'll move the bed out for you!". ”
2. By subway, there are only two one-dollar bills, and the automatic ticket vending machine only accepts $5 and $10 or multiples of $10. Go to the manual window to buy a ticket, the staff said that you can give me change to buy it at the ticket vending machine, I said then you can change it for 5 yuan, I will buy a ticket and find 3 yuan for you to come back. The staff looked at me with caring eyes and said, "I'll change you for 2 pieces of steel hammer."
3I remember a mess when I was a child, I had a classmate whose parents divorced and were fighting for her custody, maybe the situation was quite fierce, and the classmate's uncle came directly to the school to rob people!That's right, in a panic, he recognized me as his nephew, Ji Ao, carried me and ran away, the speed was comparable to Liu Xiang, no matter how I struggled, I still remember the first thing the man said when he put me down after panting home: Who are you?
4A girl thinks she has a big face and asks the expert if there is any food that can make her face smaller.
Experts answer that you can try garlic.
The girl asked suspiciously, "Is it because garlic has the effect of burning fat and promoting metabolism?"”
Experts say: "Garlic can keep others away from you, and the farther away you are, the smaller your face will be." ”
5. Please send a small meal after work, and give his wife a ** request for this goods.
I'll just say him, you really don't have a status!I have to report back to dinner.
I am not convinced, sometimes, I still have a lot of status. Generally, when someone asks my wife to borrow money, my wife will say, "Oh, what I said at home doesn't count, it's my husband who is in charge!".
6 Last night at a friend's house barbecue, when the beer was opened, a buddy had to bite with his teeth. But he couldn't bite it open for a long time, and I couldn't stand it anymore, so I said to him: "This has a wine starter, are you tired!".Who knew that this goods would have come: "If I hadn't brushed my teeth today, it was a little slippery, and my brother would have opened a box earlier." ”
7. I have always missed the love between high school and my tablemates who were not pierced. Now that I'm 40 years old, I haven't been in a relationship yet, and my parents arrange blind dates for me everywhere. One day, my mother** said that a blind date was arranged. I ran to see that the girl turned out to be a high school tablemate!My excited brain was hot, and I asked, "Are you okay?"She lowered her head and said, "You want to go on a blind date with my daughter?"”
8. My friend's child is five years old this year, and once he was playing in a circle at home, and his head accidentally touched the wallThen after thinking about it seriously, he replied to himself: "It is equal to two," and then said happily: "Haha, it's okay, I didn't touch stupid." ”
9 My girlfriend has been making trouble these days, but it didn't work at all, but she chased me every day and asked me if I had lost weight.
When she came home in the evening, she said to me, "Oh, I'm so thin, I feel like the wind can." ”
I said disdainfully: "You try to be so thin that you can fart yourself, and you can run forward a few steps ......."It's a success!
10A classmate asked me to borrow money for the New Year, but I didn't borrow it because I also wanted to celebrate the New Year, but I recommended a relatively safe way to borrow money and asked him to consult it himself. He hesitated for a moment and said, "I still don't go, I will have to pay it back when the time comes." ”
11 One night, a patient was admitted to the emergency room, and a doctor immediately examined the patient. He first opened one of the patient's closed eyes, and when he saw it, he said to the patient's family members who followed in: "It's over, the person is hopeless, look at this eye, you don't need to check it anymore, hurry up and prepare for the future." At this time, the patient's daughter was anxious and said, "Doctor, my father's eye is a prosthetic eye. ”
12Can money change anything?
Today, the political science teacher was rambling on the podium for an hour, always talking about the relationship between money and life, and finally the class was about to end, and a question was assigned for us to think: "If you have money, can you change anything?"Xiao Ming snorted coldly: "If you have money, I don't have to listen to your nonsense here."