1 called my husband ** and said: "Hurry up and pick me up, I am in the supermarket not far from the unit, there are two men outside, follow me all the way, I dare not go out."
After a while, my husband was dressed like a big bear, rushed over, and calmly took off a coat and put it on me.
I smiled and asked, "How do you know I'm cold."
My husband said: "On such a cold day, I look so conservative, and there are still people who are worried about it, it must be less dressed!" ”
2 Attending a friend's wedding today, the groom repeated with the host the ...... of eternity, dry sea, birth, old age, sickness and death, and never abandoning the host in the wedding ceremony
After a bunch of polite words, he suddenly raised his arms and shouted: "Please witness, if you get divorced, the gift money received will be doubled!" ”
Suddenly, there was a thunderous cheer below!
3 Once I went out to play and take the bus, my younger brother sat in my aunt's arms and farted, there were many people in the car, and there was a trace of solemn smell in the air in an instant, at this moment, my brother said directly: "Mom, your fart is really stinky......"Suddenly my aunt was messy!
4 Wife: Husband, shall I go for plastic surgery?
Husband: Okay.
Wife: You really dislike me for being ugly. Hum.
Husband: ....Wife: Husband, shall I go for plastic surgery?
Husband: Don't go.
Wife: You really don't want me to spend money, hum!
5 Get married and have children, do you like sons or daughters?
A young couple was talking about love together, and the girl shyly asked the boy, "If we get married and have children, do you like a son or a daughter?" The boy shaved the bridge of the girl's nose dotingly and said gently, as long as it's mine, I like it! The girl sneered and gently hammered the boy's chest** good or bad! That's a lot of demand.
6. The father and his son negotiate in the bedroom, and the mother watches. When it comes to intense time, the son asks his mother to help him.
Dad happily said, "That's my daughter-in-law, she will help me." ”
The son glanced at his father: "We are related by blood, and you two are just men and women." ”
7 buddy asked me seriously one day, "What do you think, marry a family like this..."Uh....A daughter-in-law like no other? I triumphantly replied, "This is a social experiment I conducted specifically to eliminate visual pollution." Then he asked, "What was going on in your mind when you two made out?" I sighed, "Well, that's my dedication to scientific research." ”
8Just crossing the street, a child's voice came from behind: "Uncle, your money has fallen to the ground." I quickly looked back and looked underground, and there was no money, and there were no children. As soon as he turned around, the voice sounded again, "Uncle, your money fell to the ground", suddenly felt creepy, and his legs couldn't move, and then an old man walked by! Uncle! Your copycat ringtone is too scary, don't play like this!
9 Architecture students have just graduated, due to the high unemployment rate, it is difficult to find a job, and a person has been looking for a job for a long time, but he has not found it. One day he was wandering the street when suddenly a man fell from the upper floor of a construction site.
He hurried to the foreman and asked, "Can I take over the work of the man who just fell?" ”
The foreman said, "No, his job has already been taken over." "Who? ”
It's the one who pushed him down!
10A lady picked out a hat at a hat shop. The salesman said courteously: "You have good eyesight, wear it, you are ten years younger!" ”
When the lady heard this, she took off her hat and said, "No, I don't want to wear a hat that makes me ten years old when I take it off!" ”
11A man was doing an internship in a mental hospital, and suddenly a neurotic man chased after him with a kitchen knife, and the man turned around and ran until he ran to a dead end, thinking that this was the end, and the patient said, "Give you a knife, it's time for you to chase me."
12When a friend of the kindergarten teacher told me that during class, I found that there was a little girl in the class who looked at her with a worried look and sighed.
She took my friend's hand, groped the back of her hand and said sadly: Hey, you don't have a partner at the end of the year, and the whole class is heartbroken for you......My friend was stunned!