Everyone's temperament is different, some people like to be lively, and some people like to be cold. Different people choose different ways to get along. Some people think that no matter how good the relationship is, spending most of their time outside and going to each other's homes once in a while is fine. Some people feel closer by visiting each other's homes. There are also those who neither like to go to relatives' houses nor invite others to their homes.
The Tang Dynasty poet Jia Dao said: "The wanderer is far away, and he does not remember returning home." "Who knew I was going to run to another mountain, I had to turn the car around earlier. "People who travel are always thinking about their hometown and looking forward to returning home early. Since ancient times, people have had a hometown complex, and it is best to achieve fame.
In ancient times, most wanderers were left alone, or a man with his servants, while women, the elderly, and children were in their hometowns. As a result, the feeling of homesickness is even stronger. With the development of the times, more and more people go out with their families during the Chinese New Year, returning to their hometowns just to see the old house, or to have a house in the county town for retirement. When I returned home, it was actually still the life of a family, and I still had to come back when I had important elders to worry about. Besides, there is nothing left.
Some feelings are real, for example, when we see our parents, our hearts naturally show joy. And some feelings are meaningless, such as the hypocrisy of family affection.
In a way, there is an argument that many of the sensations that go through motion are worthless socialization. The words "going through the motions" were once common in the workplace, but now they also apply to kinship. This means that most relationships go sour. Some people like this "fake" process and feel that life needs a sense of ritual. And some people hate this feeling of "going through the motions" and feel that all the false things are not worth paying attention to. In fact, with the complexity of the world and the unpredictability of people's hearts, there will be fewer and fewer people who hate "going through the motions", only more and more.
In fact, it is not troublesome to get along with relatives, but it is troublesome to get along with relatives with different views, different life experiences, and different personalities. Many people don't go to their relatives' homes, and they don't like their relatives to come to their homes, but they feel that everyone's thoughts are opposite, and there is no need to "offend" each other, perform their duties, and get a clean and best.
Because once you deal with your relatives, you will inevitably involve some non-grievances, even if it is a trivial matter, it will cause discord between relatives. Next, each one either submits to the other against their will, creates a rift, or simply tears the skin and fights. Instead of causing trouble for yourself and finding yourself uncomfortable, it is better to live your own little life and keep a certain distance from each other.
For "leftover men and women", the biggest embarrassment when they go home for the New Year is that relatives always can't avoid the topic of "urging marriage" when they beat each other. On weekdays, everyone is very busy, and one or two sentences are inseparable from "urging marriage". But at this time, whether it is to visit someone else's house or someone else to come to their own house, after some greetings, enough time, and some excuses, you can talk about it. Soon, whether you accept it or not, "you must get married in this life", everyone will talk about it.
The conversation will soon turn to help find a spouse. If someone is "ready", they may slap ** in front of you and then arrange a blind date. Therefore, for older unmarried men and women, they would rather stay at home than go out to pay New Year's greetings, and they don't want others to take advantage of the opportunity of the New Year to arrange blind dates for themselves.
The older a person is, the more he feels "unspeakable" sadness, and the more he realizes that "the person who smiles brightest has a sadness that ordinary people can't bear". For example, a promising career elite works outside the home, but the family breaks down, the lover leaves, and the children do not understand themselves.
Back home, there is only endless loneliness. Even if you drive a luxury car and live in a luxury house, it is a person's loneliness and a person's sadness. Whenever you experience a change in life, whether it is the loss of physical health, the lack of intimacy, or the failure of your career, any one of them is tantamount to a tragedy in the building of life, "** is enough to change the direction of destiny, you must face the severe challenge of "starting over".
In the face of the blow of fate, the enthusiasm for people and things naturally decreases and becomes weak. Visiting relatives and friends to enhance relationships is easy to say, but it is very laborious and physically and mentally exhausting. Truth be told, no matter how intimate the relationship is, visiting each other is a way to annoy each other. For host families, in order to welcome the arrival of guests, it is necessary to clean the house in advance, buy groceries and cook, and start to get busy early in the morning. After pushing the glass and changing the wine, the host also needs to clean up the "battlefield", which is a hard job until late afternoon. As far as the Hakka people are concerned, when visiting a relative's house, in order to lose their politeness, they must prepare gifts in advance and give gifts to their relatives. Money is not important, how to satisfy relatives is especially important. Gifts are too expensive, so that relatives have a burden, and they appear to be too pompous; The gifts are too cheap, so that relatives don't look down on them, and they seem to be too cheap. I put a lot of thought into it. All in all, visiting relatives and friends may seem simple, but in fact it can be very laborious.
Sometimes we don't want to get too close to our friends because of low self-esteem, especially when we go to a private place like home. It may be that we feel that our home is small, or it may be that we are worried that our home will expose our embarrassing life, so we want to hide our not-so-beautiful side and protect our fragile self-esteem. In interpersonal communication, this inferiority complex has become an obstacle for us, because of inferiority, you will lose a lot of opportunities to exchange feelings, because of inferiority, you will unconsciously put yourself in a relatively low position in communication.
The truth is, no one can be glamorous all the time, and your not-so-successful status is a litmus test that can help you find out who is really worth dating and who is fake. Hemingway said, "Everyone needs someone to talk to openly and honestly." "A man can be very brave, but he can also be very lonely. "People who don't like to visit often appreciate the cunning and hypocrisy of this world, they hate those who are hypocritical, and they like sincere and deep communication. So these people choose to stay away from the crowd, fulfill their mission in solitude, and pursue their passions.
They may be seen as heroes by outsiders, brave enough to fight alone, or they may be seen as socially clumsy and useless. However, only such people themselves know that they are full inside, enjoy solitude, do not need external decorations, do not need to rely on boring interpersonal interactions to enrich their lives. Home is a safe haven for a person, and he can also see his truest state of life.
Some people don't want their relatives to come to their homes or visit relatives and friends, but it's just because their lives aren't so satisfying. He doesn't want to expose his embarrassing side to outsiders, so he firmly guards his personal space and doesn't let others get involved. It's a way for him to maintain his image in front of his relatives. For such people, we do not force it, everyone has their own choices, they have their own way of life. If he really needs help, he will take the initiative to ask for it, and if he wants to maintain his self-esteem, then you should not break through and give him some room to adjust himself.
Many of today's relatives cannot be compared to their relatives of the past, which may have lived up to the name, and many of today's relatives are already much worse than they used to be. As many relatives deteriorate, families will change to varying degrees. When recalling one or more times in the past when asking for help from a loved one, instead of reaching out to the best of their ability, the loved one will throw the stone down and will not look at the fire from the outside, which will be cynical. Many times, relatives are actually not as good as friends, since relatives are disappointed, they will be disheartened, there is almost no need to communicate with each other, coming and going is nothing more than a waste of feelings, and you will come and go will also be full of false feelings.
It's embarrassing to think of those fake things. If the feelings between each other are real, there is no need for such superficial efforts at all. When the other party has something, you will be the first to help, and when you have something, the other party will also arrive as soon as possible. Such a relationship does not have to worry about separation, nor does it have to say some false flattery or do some nice face work.
Some people understand this so that they don't get tired of relationships. They just want to focus on themselves silently, focus on their own lives, don't want to interfere in other people's affairs, don't want to force any relationship. A particularly independent person will enjoy time alone, and for him, alone can accomplish everything he wants to accomplish.
A person who always needs the company of others, a person who always needs the comfort of others, and a person who always needs a hug from others is actually a person who is not very independent. A particularly independent person, he will arrange his reading time, whether it is reading books or watching movies, so that he can find what he wants to learn. On the one hand, for an independent person, he does not like to go to other people's houses because he thinks that it is a waste of time, and he does not want to waste the most important time of his life on useless socializing.
In fact, the really good feelings and good relationships between people have nothing to do with whether they are stringed or not, as long as the heart is sincere, no matter how far away it will be intimate. If you're not sincere, you're asking for trouble. When people reach a certain age, visiting relatives and friends has become a luxury, whether it is relatives or friends, everyone's way of getting along has changed, as long as they still miss each other, in the way they like.