Benjamin Graham, a well-known British investor, once shared a profound story.
He found that many entrepreneurs usually calculate to two decimal places when calculating**. On the contrary, some people whose living conditions are not ideal will voluntarily give up their fractions.
In response to this observation, he made the following analysis: "The rich may employ thousands of employees, may sell hundreds of thousands of goods every day, and save a little on everything, which is a considerable profit in total.
And most ordinary people do not have such resources and conditions, and can only exchange limited money for immediate decency. ”
The rich are stingy, the poor are generous. The rich are concerned with profits, and the poor are concerned with image.
The more unsatisfactory a person is, the more he wants to make others feel that he is doing well. In the end, instead of earning respect, it made life more difficult for himself and his family.
As the old saying goes, it's not terrible to be poor, it's terrible to be poor and generous.
01 Don't be reluctant to help others.
There is a sentence in "The World": "A middle-aged person is like a candle that burns at both ends." ”
On the one hand, there are children to take care of, on the other hand, on the other hand, there are aging parents, endless jobs and unpaid mortgages in between.
Middle-aged people are not as uninhibited as they were when they were younger, but shoulder the burden of taking care of the family.
If you take care of other people's affairs too much, you will not only exhaust your own strength, but also bring a burden to your family.
My colleague Mr. Yang is a very enthusiastic person in the company.
When a new employee is not familiar with the business, he will personally teach him; When a colleague is over 30 years old and still not married, he often helps introduce blind dates; When a friend's down payment on a house was not enough, he did not hesitate to lend 20,000 ......
He thought that with his generosity and good popularity, life would be better, but for many years, he had been living very poorly.
When we had dinner together last month, he confided in me about his struggles.
It turned out that when he returned home for the Chinese New Year, he heard that his relatives had a son who studied automobile, and he had been unable to find a job after graduation.
In the past two years, the automotive industry has generally been sluggish, many companies are laying off employees, and even graduates from elite schools are struggling to find jobs.
Mr. Yang didn't say a word, and promised on the spot: "I know people in this business, if you come to Shanghai to develop in the future, just look for me." ”
After the Qingming Festival, the son of a relative spent two days by car to Mr. Yang's home in Shanghai. Mr. Yang realized that the person he knew was only responsible for product research and development, and had no right to recruit at all.
But the relative's son kept assuring, "If I can't find a job, I'll live in your house." "For a whole month, Mr. Yang's life was disrupted.
Writer Li Xiaoyi once said: ".What we should do is to lift our hands, not to stand on tiptoe.
Every family has unspeakable secrets, and no one has a better life than others.
If you can help others solve their difficulties, do your best; If you can't do it, you don't have to force it.
02 You don't have to indulge people who are too much.
There is a topic on Douban with more than one million views: "What losses have you suffered because of generosity?" ”
The comment area was crowded with helpless netizens:
Kindly sent a friend home, but the friend wanted to take a ride every day;
lent money to relatives for urgent use, but the relatives came to the door twice in three days, and the amount of money borrowed became larger and larger.
Not everyone deserves your generosity.
In the eyes of some people, once you give, you should always give; If you are generous, you must be generous all the time.
Every time you help you will be taken for granted by them and will only end up consuming yourself.
Recently, I re-watched the Korean drama "Please Answer 1988", and I was deeply impressed by the heroine's father, Sung Dong-il.
He used to buy something he didn't need from the old people who set up stalls on the street because he felt pitiful.
However, instead of being grateful, the old man kept selling him more expensive products.
Every time he patronized the old man's stall, Cheng Dongri faced more excessive demands and an increasingly embarrassing situation for his family after being moved by himself for a while.
Finally, one day, he couldn't bear the burden, bought the new product that the old man was selling, and told him, "This is the last time." ”
From that day on, he realized that his wife had to work two jobs at the same time in order to support the family.
Due to financial difficulties, their two daughters have to celebrate their birthdays together every year. It wasn't until he focused on himself and his family that their lives gradually improved.
The German writer Nel Crecinsi said in a speech: "Kindness to the wrong person becomes a burden, and the more you give, the greater the burden." ”
After middle age, all kinds of problems in life come one after another, and it is difficult to divide a penny into two parts, and a person cannot be divided into two people.
Your generosity at the cost of wronging yourself will never be able to satisfy your heart.
Instead of pretending to be a façade in front of those who demand excessively, it is better to take care of yourself and your family with limited energy in order to achieve true happiness.
03 Don't be lenient with those who hurt you.
Guo Degang once said: "When you are hurt, those who persuade you to be tolerant without asking you what you have experienced, you should stay away from them, because they will affect you when they are struck by lightning." ”
Many times, we feel that forgiveness hurts in order to show our heart and gain more recognition.
But tolerance without a bottom line will only make those who have hurt you no longer care about the cost of hurting you.
Writer Yang Benfen's father, Yang Renshou, returned to his hometown to escape the war, and was borrowed by his cousin on the grounds of business.
Later, I found out that my cousin was not in business at all, but used the money for gambling.
Yang Renshou felt that "let the past pass", not only forgave his cousin, but also gave him money to help him find a house.
As a result, the cousin lost all the money again and disappeared without a trace. Yang Renshou's family lived a difficult life for several years because of the dispersion of their wealth.
It wasn't until the agrarian reform policy was introduced that the landlords were reduced to peasants, and their mansions were used for the poor.
Yang Renshou believed that "turning back is the shore", and was reluctant to live in a mansion with relatives and friends, and even moved to a remote foot of the mountain with his family.
With the former landlord still harassing them after the move and their relatives and friends not around, the life of Yang Renshou's family became even more difficult.
There is a quote in the book Maturity: "Forgiveness is not a necessity of life, avoiding re-injury is." ”
When I was young, I often felt that a smile was enough to eliminate grievances.
But after experiencing all kinds of things and seeing through human nature, I realized that no kind of harm is done with good intentions.
And those who have been failing you will not really change because of a single forgiveness.
Instead of being tolerant and generous, it is better to directly dismiss those who have hurt you, which is a mature attitude to stop losses in time.
It's better to be honest with yourself and your family, rather than just maintaining a superficial image.
Don't become worthless and generous, and strive to be a dependant of yourself and your family in order to gain true respect.
Finally, I would like to share with you one of my favorite TED Talks:
Give up being a "good person" and you will become a better person. **10,000 Fans Incentive Plan