People always think that there should be telepathy between husband and wife, as if the two are supposed to be one and have the same heart. However, this kind of thinking is just a flash in the pan, and it is out of reach.
I have heard that some lovers have a reluctance to work hard for a relationship when faced with difficulties. They firmly believe that husbands and wives should be like each other. They expect their partner to know their thoughts, feelings and needs, and to know them well. However, this is a distant dream after all.
For example, the story of Xiaozhi and Xiaomei: Xiaomei recalled that when she and her husband first met, everything went quite smoothly. One night, Xiao Zhi suddenly said to me, "I need a little more space." At that moment, Xiaomei's heart was like a mess, and she couldn't believe her ears. I thought to myself, "Could it be that I have a deep misunderstanding about our relationship?" ”
Eventually, Xiaomei cheered up and plucked up the courage to ask, "What do you mean?" ”
Xiao Zhi explained, "I need you to sit over there a little bit so that I can have more space." This answer made Xiaomei smile with relief.
One might wonder why it is surprising to believe that there is a heart and a soul. However, it won't come as a surprise when you understand that people with a fixed mindset believe that couples should share each other's views on everything.
If you have the same heart, you don't need to talk about it, you just need to guess your partner's mind through the way you look at the problem. However, it is not easy for lovers to share all their ideas and expectations with each other. Perhaps one party thinks that the wife should give up her job to support herself; The other party believes that the wife should share the financial burden of the family. Or maybe one party prefers to live in the suburbs; On the other hand, they tend to have a warm little home that is not bound by tradition.
Xiaowei and Xiaoyan are about to enter the marriage hall. Loved by bohemian home furnishings, he imagined spending quality time with his partner in Greenwich Village, a young and fashionable city. When he found the ideal apartment, he thought that Xiaoyan would gladly accept it. However, when she saw the apartment, she was furious. She had lived in a small, cramped apartment for a long time, but now she seems to be repeating the same mistakes. She expects to live in a spacious house with a brand new car parked outside. Both men felt betrayed, and the relationship grew strained.
Couples may mistakenly believe that they agree on their rights and obligations. Imagine the following scenario:
Couples may mistakenly believe that they agree on their rights and obligations. Imagine the following scenario:
As a husband, I have the right to ask and my wife is obliged to give
As a wife, I have the right to expect and my husband is obliged to meet
When a party's rights are violated, anger and conflict can ensue. While one party believes they have the right to do whatever they want, the other has a very different point of view.
John Gottman once shared the sentiments of newlywed men: "They proudly told me, 'I'm never going to wash dishes, that's a woman's job.'" ’
Two years later, however, the same men asked me in confusion: 'Why don't my wife and I enjoy sex anymore?' ”
It's not uncommon for couples to disagree with traditional roles these days, but that doesn't mean they have to follow these traditional beliefs. The point is that the division of labour should not be seen as an inevitable obligation.
Therefore, relationships that are unwilling to put in the effort for a romantic relationship are not destined to be long and healthy. Both parties need to work together to communicate and address different expectations and ideas.
This is not to say that there is no such thing as a forever happy relationship, but that such happiness is achieved through the efforts of both parties. Love requires hard work and running-in, and there are no shortcuts.
Sexual affection