Why do we get worse and worse in a narcissistic relationship? One of the most essential and core reasons is:Narcissistic offerings. It refers to the mode of interaction in the relationship that can give the narcissist a sense of specialness and superiority, which is necessary for the narcissist's survival. But this offering is not reciprocal, but very one-way and unequal, like you are providing some function for the narcissist. For example:
You praise the narcissist to get the recognition he needs, but he often belittles you in return.Such a one-way, unequal narcissistic offeringYou are constantly being used, consumed, and eventually falling into self-doubt, self-denial, and even depression. Amazingly, many people are aware of this, but they are still trapped in narcissistic relationships, consumed for years, decades, until they are exhausted. Why is that? Ramani Duvasura, a doctor of psychology in the United States, combined with decades of clinical research, has summarized the 5 most likely to becomeNarcissist magnetof people. This kind of person will be like a magnet, tightly attached to the narcissist's side by a force, and suffer erosion and harm.Your beauty provides the narcissist with the capital that he is proud of, but he often dislikes your plain makeup;
He is sad that you are willing to be around, and once you are sad, he will instead accuse you of being emotionally unstable ......
You may be surprised to learn that you fall into one of these types, or even more than one, which means that your risk may be doubled. But don't panic. The intention of this article is not to label everyone and create anxiety, but to lead everyone to see: why are these 5 types of people more likely to become narcissist magnets? 
Empathy, that is, empathy. An empathizer is someone who can put himself in the shoes of others and understand their emotions. This is definitely a plus in a healthy relationship. Because it can bring great emotional value to both parties in the relationship, nourish the relationship, promote emotional integration, and achieve mutual benefit and win-win. However, in a narcissistic relationship, over-empathizers can easily become narcissist magnets. Why? Because they are so empathetic that they can always respond to the feelings of the narcissist at the same frequency:
When narcissists talk about it, they cheer: "Wow, you're so funny, I want to hear you say more." ”For narcissists – when an overly empathetic person approaches them and earnestly offers them listening, attention, recognition, and respect is simply a powerful narcissistic feeder. Because narcissists themselves have no empathy,Inability to feel other people's emotions in a relationship,It will only continue to suck the emotional value provided by the other person in one direction. My friend, Little A, once dated a narcissist. The first three times, the other party shared his life story endlessly, and Xiao A listened very attentively and gave a lot of empathetic responses. On the fourth time, Xiao A encountered some life setbacks and tried to pour out the distress in her heart, but the other party immediately interrupted her: "You should digest your own emotions, why do you want to throw them to me?" At that moment, Xiao A suddenly felt panicked in his heartShe tried to express her feelings, but immediately ushered in a second wave of accusations:"That's because you're too sensitive, making a fuss, what's my business? ”On the one hand, they constantly ask for emotional value from each other, and on the other hand, they constantly despise each other's emotions and feelingsThis is the case of a typical narcissist's one-way sucking of an empathizer. In a narcissistic relationship -If an over-empathizer doesn't realize the dangers of a narcissist, they continue to provide a steady stream of emotional valueIt's easy to consume yourself from it, to become weaker and weaker, to get more and more tired.When narcissists deliberately sell miserably, they shed tears: "I'm sad that you have been treated unfairly. ”
When narcissists get impatient, they walk away: "You seem to be a little tired, let's get some rest." ”
The savior always wants to help others, to save others:On the one hand, it is because they have a strong ability to empathize in their hearts, and on the other hand, because they have a certain amount of capital and strength. For example, some public figures often use their influence to mobilize resources around them to speak up for those at the bottom of society in need and help them get out of trouble. At the level of social relations, it is a noble act that promotes a virtuous circle of fairness and goodwill. However, in a narcissistic relationship, the over-rescuer can be easily exploited by the narcissist and become a narcissist magnet. Because narcissists are very good at selling sad stories, they often tell how they were bullied, how their parents were mean to them, how their lovers were unfaithful to them, ......Once the rescuers believed their story, the catastrophe began. In the psychological drama "Heart-to-Heart Consultation 4", the case of Brooke, a counselor, and Collin, a client, is like this. Colin is a typical "narcissist". He was once a successful investor, but he was imprisoned for maliciously defrauding shareholders years ago. At the urging of his lawyers, he was offered an early release on bail, subject to Brooke's final evaluation. During the consultation, in order to trick Brooke's sympathy, Colin constantly plays the role of "victim":While talking about the tragic experience of being abused by his parents in his childhood, he wept bitterly and reflected on his past crimes and repented of them. 
This tearful "sincere reflection" aroused deep pity and compassion in Brooke's heart. Deciding to do what she could to help Colin out of his inner predicament, she signed a bail agreement and asked him to continue his counseling. Unexpectedly, after Colin got the bail agreement and regained his freedom, he immediately revealed his true form: while sexually harassing Brooke without shame, he arrogantly reprimanded Brooke's savior fantasies. 
At that moment, Brooke finally realized that Colin had been manipulating and toying with her, and there was no ...... of repentance at allIn a narcissistic relationship -If an over-rescuer fails to properly identify the narcissist's misery tricks in trying to save the narcissistIt is easy to get into trouble and put yourself in the embarrassing position of being used and humiliated. 
In the crowd, those little suns full of optimism, who doesn't like that? They are like a light in the dark clouds, which can always illuminate the gloom in people's hearts, bringing warmth and hope. In fact, if you have an optimistic mindset, it is undoubtedly very beneficial to your physical and mental health. But at the same timeIn a narcissistic relationship, an overly optimistic person can just as easily become a narcissist magnet. Because an overly optimistic person is always accustomed to looking at people and things with the eyes of truth, goodness and beauty; Lack of awareness of evil, and thus unconsciously ignoring the dangerous traits that exist in the narcissist. The narcissist will manipulate and exploit this for his own benefit, because he knows: "This person will always read everything from an optimistic point of view, and will not doubt me for anything." "My friend Xiao M, when I was a child, I used to watch Hong Kong Crazy Boy movies. The most touching point of the film is that the uninhibited male protagonist withdraws from the consciousness of changing his mind after meeting true love. When he grew up, a man Alin's fierce pursuit of Xiao M: Alin actually has a lot of bad pasts, such as gambling, fights, and chaotic relationships between men and women. But he swore that Xiao M was the only love of his life and was willing to make any changes for him. Adhering to the concept of human nature, Xiao M believed Alin's words and started his first love in his life. At the beginning, Alin did take care of her in all aspects, very considerate, like a twenty-four filial lovers. But it didn't take long for Alin to gradually snub Xiao M on the grounds of work and entertainment. Xiao M not only did not blame, but also insisted on optimism that it is a good thing for a man to be ambitious, and he is creating a material foundation for the future of the two. Until one day, a strange woman came to visit, gave Xiao M a slap without saying a word, scolded Xiao M for being a junior, and seduced her husband. At that moment, Xiao M knew that she was not Alin's love of life at all, but just one of Alin's many cheating partners. She was completely devastated. In a narcissistic relationship -If an overly optimistic person is deceived and used by a narcissist, it is a very cruel thing; Because after passively seeing the darkness of human nature, it will mean the eternal loss of an innocence, and it will end up quite heartbreaking. 
Forgiveness is also a precious quality. In a relationship, everyone has a situation where they accidentally make a mistake and inadvertently hurt each other. At this time, forgiveness is a very sacred act, but it must be given carefully. Because in a narcissistic relationship, an over-forgiving person can just as easily become a narcissist magnet . After a healthy person has been forgiven for a mistake, he will say, "I am lucky that I have been forgiven, and I will correct my behavior and will not hurt this person again." And what would a narcissistic person think about forgiveness? He willForgivenessTreat it as oneLicense"Oh great, I'm forgiven, meaning I can do anything bad, of course I'm going to do it again, it's amazing. "The trouble that over-forgiveness encounters is,They keep giving narcissists a second chance, only to be met with intensifying backlash. In reality, I've heard too many stories like this. For example, in the parent-child relationship - a child in the family who has been spoiled since childhood often has no one in his eyes, yells at his elders, and loses his temper when he disagrees. But forgiving parents are reluctant to criticize education, and keep pampering their children with the illusion that "when they grow up, they will be sensible". As a result, when the child grows up, he does not understand things better, but respects his parents less and less, and hurts more and more.
For example, in intimate relationships, many narcissists show bad traits such as "loving control, easily getting angry, having affairs, and not keeping promises" at the beginning; But the forgiver always holds the illusion of "touching the other person with love and kindness", forgives again and again, and believes that the other person will change. As a result, decades have passed, and the forgiver is still forgiving, but the narcissist has not changed at all, and even worsened. In a narcissistic relationship -Forgiving a narcissist is an ineffective attitude and can even involve the pardoner in a dangerous game. Because the trust they have given will be used and trampled on again and again, which will drain their patience and lead them to despair. 
What is it like to be with narcissistic parents? One of the obvious is thatThey won't love and appreciate you from the bottom of their hearts unless you can bring them some form of narcissistic sustenance. For example:
You obey them in everything, approve of them, and do what they ask;Such a pattern of interpersonal relationships has become a habit for you throughout your growth. And unknowingly, it molds you into a narcissist magnet. Because it will give you an illusion:All relationships must be submissive, pleased, and constantly provide narcissistic offerings to another person in order to receive "love." When a narcissist invades your boundaries and constantly controls you through denial and repression, it is difficult for you to realize that this is a toxic relationshipBecause you adapt to such an interpersonal coping mechanism, just as you adapt to the temperature in a room. In "The More Loyal Partner, the More Dangerous", I shared the story of my friend Xiaoli. She fell in love with a hot-tempered narcissist and had been dating for more than five years. During this time, she was belittled and humiliated countless times, sometimes escalating to physical violence. Friends around her knew that this was not a good relationship, and they persuaded her to break up. But Xiaoli always believed that the other party loved her and was unwilling to leave the other party. Why does this obsession exist? Because, when she was a child, her father treated her and her mother like this. Criticism and negation, suppression and humiliation, and verbal (physical) violence from her father have always accompanied her growth and are very familiar to her. In her opinion, normal intimacy is like this. This is really an embarrassing thing. In a narcissistic relationship -Those who have narcissistic parents do not have a deep awareness of the hurt from their parents growing upIt will be easy for them to replicate the pattern of getting along with their parents in intimate relationships and become entangled with narcissists. Here, I would like to make it clear that I do not mean to deny anyone who has the above five qualities. On the contrary, I have a great appreciation for people who are empathetic, helpful, optimistic, and magnanimous, which are very healthy and noble qualities that are the building blocks of long-lasting relationships. But these good qualities should be given to those who truly deserve them, and not infinitely ruined by narcissists, shouldn't they? In addition, I also admire those who have grown up tenaciously under the strong pressure of their narcissistic parents since childhood, due to the lack and limitations of their original parents, they have not had the opportunity to experience "what true love is" since childhoodBut they still have a strong desire to "love and be loved", and they are tenaciously walking on the road of finding loveIsn't it? Therefore, a clear understanding of our own characteristics and the nature of a narcissistic relationship is the first step for us to avoid narcissistic entanglement and get out of the narcissistic trap. Based on this, it is possible for us to protect our best qualities more safely in the complex world, and at the same time, in a healthy relationship, we can repair our childhood trauma little by little, and correct our cognitive blind spots little by littleA good relationship is never a one-way offering, but a two-way nourishment, promoting each other's growth and integrity.You do very well in your studies and provide them with the capital to show off to outsiders;
Every time there is a conflict, you compromise and admit your mistakes to satisfy their desire ......for control