In the American drama "Grey's Anatomy", there is a classic line: "We have all grown up." But when does growing up begin and how does it end? "It has been said that life begins in infancy and is completely dependent on the care of others; At the end of his life, he was in the age of age, and he was completely dependent on the care of others before he died. Those sweet years between these two ends are the adult years of man. So what exactly is the sign of an adult? According to tradition, getting married, having children, and buying a house, is this considered on the right track? In this regard, writer Julie Lithcott pointed out in "Finding Your Place in the World": To be an adult means to reach a certain state of mind and understand what to do to forge your adult self. As Lu Yao said: "Everyone has an awakening period, and the sooner or later of awakening determines a person's fate." ”This awakening is the moment of a person's true adulthood. And one wantsTo find your place in the world and to cope with life with the best mindset, you must go through these three awakenings.
The first awakening: get rid of the family of origin and find your true selfThe psychologist Adler once said: "Happy people spend their childhood ** for a lifetime, and unfortunate people use ** childhood for a lifetime." Many people often use this sentence to prove the importance of the family of origin to a person. But "Find Your Place in the World" believes that the most important sign of adulthood is not to continue to be that powerless child in your heart, and then pass on the pressure to others. It's not your fault that your family of origin has hurt you, but it's your responsibility to get rid of these and become a better person. In the book, the interviewee, Levy, grew up in a poor family. When he was 4 years old, his parents divorced, his father was reluctant to support him financially, and he often drank heavily. Despite her kindness, her mother didn't make much money, so she was forced to change rentals with Levy frequently. Levi has seen other parents who have more children and less money than him, but the identity of "father" is much better than him. However, when he was growing up, Levy did not let his father influence him, but worked hard to live and wanted to be different from his father. After graduating from high school, he went to a community college in Sacramento while starting a part-time job at a fast-food restaurant. The following year, he moved into an apartment with two friends. "The first night I moved out, I was lying on my bed in my apartment and I couldn't help but think, wow, this dream has come true! This moment will never be forgotten. Levy described it. He felt,The moment you become an adult is the moment when you start making decisions for yourself. 
The writer Hesse once said: "There is only one real duty for every human being: to find himself." And then stick to it in the heart for the rest of his life, wholeheartedly, and never stop. Therefore, if a person wants to spend his life to ** childhood, he is actually saying that people have a lifetime to go to ** childhood and use a lifetime to make themselves live a better life. Instead of living in the shadow of childhood all his life, being limited by his family of origin. After stepping out of the family, we need to be our best friends, our best listeners, and our own parents. As a true adult, this is the cognitive awakening that should be. 
The Second Awakening: Removing ambiguity and creating clarityWriter Zhou Ling once said: "Life is like a game to eliminate ambiguity, the more serious the ambiguity, the more chaotic it is; Whoever has a slighter blur will be more awake. ”If a person wants to achieve true growth, the first thing to do is to get rid of the state of confusion and find his true self.
In the Chinese New Year movie "Hot and Hot", the heroine Le Ying once lived a very chaotic life, had no job for 10 years after graduation, stayed at home all day, and was disgusted by her relatives and lovers. Especially obesity, Le Ying has low self-esteem and has developed a pleasing personality. In the face of all kinds of unreasonable requests from others, she often compromises:At the wedding scene, she was a bridesmaid for robbing her boyfriend's best friend; Transfer the house left by his grandmother to his sister ......But in the end, she regained control of her weight and life through boxing, and solved her psychological crisis. "Another day, depending on the mood. ”The former boyfriend was surprised by her change and asked her to dinner, but Le Ying just said it lightly. It was the first time she had firmly rejected someone. After coming out of the ring, she completely completed the transformation of her personality. 
In fact, like the heroine's previous experience, many people are middle-aged, and the pressure of life and the unsatisfactory career are all consuming their fighting spirit. It's precisely because I don't know why I live. It is said that the only way to change one's destiny is to change one's own concept. When people reach middle age, they need to come to the scene to change their lives. Find yourself, bravely swing your fist at life, endure the pain of molting, and continue to strengthen yourself. As Finding Your Place in the World says: Generate your own powerful kernel and never have to depend on anyone. We can all walk on the road of life alone and bravely. In every dark night of ordinary loneliness, to find your own highlight moment. 
The third awakening: Embrace altruism and do altruistic thingsIn the book, the author reminisces about the past and says that he was very selfish when he was young. Not to mention getting along with colleagues and friends, even with his mother once had a very bad relationship and often quarreled. Then she found out that it had a big impact on her daughter. She began to reflect and awaken, as an adult, how to adjust her own behavior, be able to consider problems from the perspective of the other party, and set an example for her children. To develop an altruistic mindset, she began to do three things a day:The first thing is to leave room for others. People who are really capable are often good at "meeting the source left and right".
The "left and right" mentioned here is not to behave hypocritically when getting along with others, but to see far and shallow when facing interpersonal relationships, and always be able to grasp the degree of socialization. Harvey McKay, a master of interpersonal relationships, once said, "Networking is a process of digging a well, and it takes a little sweat to get a steady stream of wealth." ”To gain a foothold in society, emotional intelligence and IQ need to coexist. For example, when talking to others, ask more about them and listen more. Many people just want to talk about their own affairs and don't want to listen to other people's affairs, but in fact, it is very important to leave a certain amount of space for others. 
The second thing is to overcome self-bias. The essence of prejudice is that a person's cognitive level of the outside world is too shallow, and he likes to use labels to recognize people.
People who are full of prejudice in their hearts will never be able to see through the truth of things. The process of overcoming prejudice is actually a process of self-cultivation. Once people let go of their prejudices, they can have a clear view of the world and understand human nature, which is the basis for correct decision-making. The third thing is to know how to share with others. Sharing doesn't mean you complain, it's not sharing your bad luck with others.
Instead, share your experience with others, such as what books you have read recently and what skills you have learned, so that positive interactions can be more conducive to communication and build good relationships. Kazuo Inamori once said: "As long as people have an altruistic heart and do altruistic things, their fate will naturally improve." "No one in this world is an island. When you learn to be altruistic and do altruistic things, it is the beginning of awakening and the key to turning the world. 
Write at the endMr. Yang Jiang said: "Although people are small and life is short, people can learn, people can cultivate themselves, people can improve themselves, and the value of people lies in people." "Finding one's place in the world is actually a process of continuous cultivation. The Tao needs to be understood, and things need to be cultivated. If you want to transform yourself, start awakening from your thinking, mentality, social interaction, and pattern. Completing the ascension and awakening, and realizing the leap in the level, is essentially the true growth of a person.