Hello everyone, I'm "little him", after reading this article, you can click on it if you think it's good".Attention”。He has material and focuses on funny.
Today, I went to my cousin's house to eat, and my cousin asked my cousin to cook when he saw me coming, and my cousin reluctantly got up to hand the child to my cousin, I rushed to reach out and hugged it, but the child who had just finished drinking milk sprayed me...
My cousin hurriedly hugged the child, handed me a tissue, and muttered to me, "I'm sorry, the child can't help but vomit when he sees you..."”
I'll go, my cousin said this, is it hinting at me something? My face suddenly stiffened a little!
Today I came home 2 minutes late, and my wife grabbed these 2 minutes and quarreled with me.
As always, I said, "What do you want me to do to forgive me and stop this endless noise." ”
The wife said, "Let me forgive you, brush the cup, mop the kitchen, and throw the garbage away ......."And pay the fine! ”
I immediately responded: "Wife, you leave me a way back, you will be fined at every turn for half a month, and the private money I have worked hard to save for half a year is really gone!" As I spoke, I opened my wallet to show her, it was empty, and I cried and said, "I can't even take out the two dollars for the bus now, and I am running back from work today, so it's easy for me." ”
Eh, brothers, don't mention it, since my wife found out that I was hiding private money, she grabbed some small problems at every turn and made a big fuss with me, and also sent me an access control card, and arrived home on time at 19 o'clock every day, fined me at every turn, I was so miserable!
Oops, my mother-in-law, this mother-in-law is a master, laughing at me! 」
I've been with my girlfriend for three years, and last night she said the most irritating thing to me. "Husband, what should I do if I can't sleep. The girlfriend fell asleep again. "Then count the sheep, and when you count to a hundred, you fall asleep. The girlfriend closed her eyes and said to herself, "Then I'll count my ex-boyfriend." ”
Yesterday, when I went to eat hot pot, I saw a striking statement on the wall of the hot pot restaurant: The sheep are raised by themselves, the vegetables are grown by themselves, and the oil is squeezed by themselves, reminding customers to eat with confidence.
When I paid the bill, I quietly said to the boss: Boss, this money is printed by myself, please feel free to use it!
The boss chased me for several streets, but I didn't catch up.
It's funny, the legs are my own, and I want to run wherever I want.
There is a public toilet on the first floor of the company's office building, which is divided into men and women;
One day I was shushing when I suddenly heard a voice behind me, and turned my head to face me with the smiling face of a kind old woman; I'm so scared that I don't dare to pee for the rest of my pee!
Auntie, this is the men's bathroom, why did you get in? ”
I'm a cleaning aunt".
Aunt Cleaning also has to have a men's toilet, no one, you can come in again."
It's okay, I'm old, I don't look at you! ”
Aunt Cleaning, you're old, I'm still young!
I was so scared that I ran away!
My cousin went to pick up my 7-year-old son from school, and when I passed by the vegetable market, my cousin's son said, "Mom, I want to eat a chicken leg." ”
My cousin smiled: "Didn't your grandfather give you 5 yuan pocket money in the morning, take it out and buy it." ”
The son said, "This money can't be used!" ”
Cousin: "Why, do you want to save it?" ”
The son continued: "Leave it for my son to buy chicken thighs to eat later!" ”
An old man went to see a doctor, and the doctor prescribed him a pair of medicines and said to him"The effect of the drug is twelve hours".
The old man nodded and walked away with a smile, and the old man laughed as he walked, and when he got home, he kept laughing and laughing.
The family asked strangely, "What's the matter with you?" The old man said, "What kind of medicine is this doctor prescribes, I have to laugh for twelve hours, and I am almost tired of laughing!" ”
When he went to work, the man received a text message from his wife: "Husband, what can I eat?"
The man looked it up on the Internet and replied: "1 corn, 2 hawthorns, 3 apples, 4 sweet potatoes." ”
After work, the man came home and saw his wife lying on the sofa panting and asked, "What's wrong?" ”
The wife said, "I quickly ate one corn and two hawthorns, and I barely ate three apples, but there are still four sweet potatoes, and I really can't eat them." ”
Today, I was scratched by a dog outside with a small scar, and the doctor didn't say anything about prescribing 5 rabies vaccines and handed over 300 oceans. I said, "That's too expensive." The doctor said: If you are scratched by a cat or a dog again this year, you don't need to be beaten. In the afternoon, I decided to provoke cats and dogs everywhere. I came back in the evening and counted the scars and earned more than 10,000 yuan, so happy!
My wife took advantage of my nap and secretly went to my wallet to get money, so I asked her: "I only have such a little pocket money every month, and you still take mine, have you considered my feelings?" ”
My wife said, "Of course I've thought about it, so I'll be light when I take your money, for fear of waking you up." ”
Yes! For a moment I had nothing to say!
Hehe, one word, absolutely! 」
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