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My husband often comes home in the middle of the night, and even begins to stay home at night, I am very angry this day, so I have a house rule for my husband: "If you don't come home after 23 o'clock, I will lock the door." ”
In the first week, my husband really came home on time, but on Monday of the second week, my husband came back late, and I locked the door according to the system, so my husband simply didn't go home, and I didn't come back until the next day several times in a row that month, I didn't know what to do, so I invited my best friend to help me with advice, she laughed three times and said, "You, why didn't you tell me earlier." ”
I was amazed, did she have any good idea?
My girlfriend said to me, "You just need to change the rules." ”
In the evening, when my husband came back, I said to him, "If I don't come home before 23 o'clock at night, I will sleep with the door open." ”
My husband was shocked, and from that day to now, I have been going home on time, and I don't even go out, haha, I really admire the tricks my best friend gave me!
Well, what kind of trick is this? It's kind of interesting, I learn too! 」
Last night several brothers drank together, and one of them was drunk again and died.
The next day, I joked, "Oh, last night, someone got drunk again." ”
The brother said, "You're talking about me, just kidding, I'm a man who can't pour a thousand cups." “
I sent him the ** recorded on my phone yesterday, and then joked: "This is what you said yourself last night." ”
The brother actually smiled and said, "Can you believe what you say when you are drunk?" ”
Oops, my mother, I'm laughing to death! What a saying, "Can you believe what you say when you're drunk"! 」
The janitor of our unit is missing three fingers on his right hand, and I chatted with him yesterday about his fingers. He said: Back then, a group of hooligans were molesting female high school students on the street, and at this time, a chivalrous young man came forward and killed all the little hooligans, and the young man was also seriously injured. Me: Uncle, do you have such a glorious deed when you were young? Is that bullied high school girl the current aunt? The uncle took a leisurely puff of cigarette, spit out the smoke ring for a long time, and said to me with red eyes, I was learning carpenter in the neighborhood back then, and then I watched the fight and watched it so engrossed that my fingers were gnawed three times by a chainsaw!
A friend who doesn't often come to me and says that he wants to start a business and hopes that I can work with him. I asked him wistfully what his career was, and he said, "Come with me!" Then he took me to the lake, explained the blueprint, and enjoyed the beautiful scenery. Just as he was talking about the hot-blooded Peng Pai, he pushed me into the lake, and he shouted: "Save people!" Someone overboard! At this time, two passers-by took off their clothes and went into the water to save me, and he picked up other people's clothes and ran.
I went to the mall and saw that the clothes in a franchise store were very beautiful, so I took off my coat and handed it to the waiter to start trying on various things.
The waiter looked for a long time, looked at me blankly and said: There were too many customers just now, it seems that I sold them. I'll go, that's okay?!
I vaguely remember that in the third year of high school, the head teacher was very angry and said: Your class is the worst class I have ever led! My tablemate stood up boldly and said: You are the worst class teacher I have ever seen! Suddenly the classroom burst into applause!! So I was punished for being on duty for a semester!
I found that an aunt was very good at bargaining, and I followed her for three days in a row, and I did save some money. This morning, when I met the aunt again, I smiled at her, and the aunt beckoned to me with a strange expression, led me out of the market, to a place where there were few people, and said to me in a serious voice: "Young man, I am a man of my age who can be your mother." ”
On the bus, there are five seats in the last row, and the middle seat faces the aisle. I sat in the innermost, and there was an aunt on the right, and as soon as the person in the middle got off, the aunt on my right left me and sat in the middle. I just thought to myself, Auntie, don't you want to sit too close to me? Then the driver braked suddenly, and the aunt rushed to the front to ......Auntie, don't stare at me with resentful eyes, I didn't mean to laugh so loudly, I really can't hold it back!
The nurses of the psychiatric hospital were playing in the courtyard with the patients, and they were playing with eagles and chickens, when the director saw it and was furious: "It's nonsense! What if the patient all flies away! ”
Since my son was in first grade, my wife has to help my son with his homework every night.
Last night, it was almost ten o'clock, and after my wife explained a math problem several times, my son still scratched his head, looking like he didn't understand, and my wife suddenly got angry, only to hear a slap in my face.
I was stunned: How can you hit someone?
I only heard my wife yelling: If you don't hit anyone, I'm as stupid as you.
February** Dynamic Incentive Program
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