Sanmao said: "Those things that come because of fate will eventually come when fate will be gone." ”
In the vast sea of people, it is fate for two people to meet, but they have to rely on business to stay together.
No matter how fate there is, if you don't keep it, it will die, and no matter how deep your love is, it will be exhausted if you don't cherish it.
The human heart will not get cooler every day, the leaves will not turn yellow every day, and there will be an omen for the deterioration of all feelings.
Hidden in the details of getting along, hidden in the trivialities of life.
Whether it is a lover or a husband and wife, if these three things are missing, they will not be far from separation.
Loss of trust, mutual suspicion and suspicion
I once saw such a little story:
Girls and boys play together.
The boy collected a lot of good-looking smooth stones, and the girl had a bag of sweet and delicious sweets.
The two agreed that the girl would exchange all the candy for all the boy's stones.
The girl gave all the candy she had promised, but the boy secretly hid the most beautiful stones.
That night, the girl slept soundly, and the boy tossed and turned and had difficulty sleeping.
He always wondered if the girl was like himself, hiding the best candy.
The story is short, but the truth is deep.
A relationship is often warm and lingering at the beginning, and two people support each other, which can calm the mountains and seas and withstand all difficulties.
But the deeper you go, the more you find that the original firmness can also collapse in an instant, and once there is a crack in trust, suspicion and suspicion will never stop.
This is the case with the marriage between Niu Aiguo and Pang Lina in "One Sentence Top 10,000 Sentences".
When he got married, Niu Aiguo promised Pang Lina that when he became an officer, he would take Pang Lina to live in Lanzhou.
But 10 years passed in the blink of an eye, Niu Aiguo became a shoemaker, and Pang Lina's wish to go to a big city finally failed.
There is a crisis of trust between the two people, and more and more they have nothing to say, and the marriage is in jeopardy.
In order to please Pang Lina, Niu Aiguo made her favorite meal, put her heart in the table at the table, and made many promises:
Wait until you have saved enough money", "Wait for more money", "Wait for more spare money"...
But Pang Lina's heart was like ashes, and she just agreed perfunctorily, she knew that Niu Aiguo was just a casual talk and would not put it into practice.
Their marriage naturally came to an end, ending with love and separation.
Trust is the cornerstone of a relationship, and if it's missing, it can collapse in an instant.
The deceived party is constantly suspicious and suspicious, the untrusted party is constantly explaining and begging for mercy, and there are only endless quarrels and calculations left in life, and the end is inevitable.
There is a saying in the book "Happiness Comes from Absolute Trust":
Falling in love is a practice, and trust is the real key to maintaining a healthy and long-lasting relationship. ”
A healthy relationship requires commitment and firm trust.
Don't be suspicious, don't hide, promise and don't say lightly, in order to exchange sincerity for sincerity, and love each other for a long time.
Loss of respect and stubbornness
There is a saying: "In the world of love, what matters is not winning or losing, but understanding and respect." ”
In a relationship, many people love and love, and forget to get along with each other as equals and respect each other.
likes to give orders, and puts himself first in everything; I can't hear the second voice, and I am blindly stubborn; can't see the advantages of the other party, and always belittle and suppress.
Such a relationship, no matter how well matched, is destined not to last long.
Just like Xu Zhimo and Zhang Youyi, although their marriage is arranged by the family, they are the right match, and they complement each other.
But Xu Zhimo has no respect for Zhang Youyi at all.
Seeing Zhang Youyi's **, he bluntly said that the other party was a "country bun"; On the day of the wedding, he blackened his face all the time, and he didn't say a word to Zhang Youyi.
He has always treated this wife with a disregard attitude, but at the same time, he happily enjoys Zhang Youyi's meticulous care.
After Zhang Youyi saved up enough disappointments, she calmly signed the divorce agreement and finally ended this unequal marriage relationship.
He forgot what he called "soil buns", and he was also a lady who studied both morality and learning, and his aura was not inferior to him.
In fact, it is not necessarily those partners who have a common language that have a long-lasting relationship, but two people who are willing to put aside their prejudices and respect each other.
The father of Hanyu Pinyin" Zhou Youguang and his wife Zhang Yunhe are very different from each other.
Zhou Youguang likes Western**, and Zhang Yunhe loves traditional opera.
They did not turn their noses up at each other's hobbies, but understood them and respected and cooperated.
In his spare time, Zhang Yunhe will quietly accompany Zhou Youguang to listen to Western **, and Zhou Youguang will also listen to Kunqu opera and watch Kunqu opera with his wife.
They live freely in their comfort zone, respect each other's hobbies, understand each other's feelings, and go through 70 years of "platinum marriage".
The true ideal relationship is not to seek common ground in everything, but to accept differences.
It is to respect each other, to accompany each other, to be close and independent.
The so-called: "Gentlemen are harmonious but different." ”
A good partner will do their best to tolerate each other's differences and respect each other's differences.
Let each other feel comfortable in this relationship and live with a sense of dignity, so that they can go longer.
Loss of communication, no desire to share
A philosopher once said, "Married life is a long conversation, and when you want to get in, you must first ask yourself: . .
Can you still talk and laugh when both of you have gray hair? ”
When two people are together, a lot of things are short-lived.
The body and appearance are not long-lasting, and the health and vitality are not long-lasting, only the mind that can be chatted for the longest time.
Many times, the misfortune that leads to the end of a relationship is not due to betrayal, but from an imbalance in communication.
In the movie "Wuwen Xidong", middle school teacher Xu Bochang promised Liu Shufen when he was young that he would live with her for the rest of his life.
For this promise, Liu Shufen worked desperately to make money for Xu Bochang to finish college.
But Xu Bochang, who had finished his studies, actually proposed to repent of his marriage, and Liu Shufen forced him to die in exchange for the beginning of this marriage.
It is conceivable that life after marriage is not satisfactory.
Liu Shufen was short-tempered and scolded Xu Bochang at every turn, but Xu Bochang never fought back, just endured it.
Outside, he is a middle school teacher with both knowledge and cultivation, who treats people kindly and behaves generously, but Liu Shufen is a well-known tigress, fierce and vicious.
But what others don't know is that Xu Bochang has never touched Liu Shufen since he got married, sleeping in separate beds, not speaking, and not sharing.
Even the bowls for eating and the cups for drinking water are used separately, and they live under the same roof, but they seem to be strangers who don't know each other.
Obviously, you had to swear an alliance at the beginning, but now you are so disgusted that even saying a word is a luxury.
He made Liu Shufen feel that he was the worst person in the world, and in the end Liu Shufen couldn't bear it anymore and committed suicide by jumping into a well.
There are fewer than a thousand cups of wine for a confidant, and there is no speculation for more than half a sentence.
People who love each other communicate with each other, and communication requires communication, and silence is always the beginning of alienation.
When two people have less and less to talk to each other and no longer look at each other, the relationship is effectively dead in name.
No matter how sincere the original feelings were, without enthusiastic participation and without the care of knowing the cold and the hot, you can only drift away.
Two people are together to live together, and they need a soul who can communicate.
Someone comforts you when you are wronged, and someone shares when you are happy, which is the simplest and most beautiful appearance of a relationship.
Kazuo Inamori said"Life is too long, there must always be someone who knows each other. ”
We often envy those couples who can love each other for a lifetime, but in fact, love is a matter of two people, and the depth of the relationship is all in their own choice.
Life's contradictions and differences are just a litmus test of feelings.
If you manage with your heart, you can trust, respect, and communicate, so that you will not lose the person who loves you.
Life is long, shallow and happy.
May you grasp the hard-won fate in this life and live forever with the people you love.