What should I do if my extramarital lover is seriously ill?
There is a boy who has been with him for half a year, he was divorced a few years ago, and I have been getting along very well in marriage, so I can be regarded as a confidant & lover.
He understands me very well and is very caring, good morning and good night every day, and there are red envelopes for gifts, although they are not valuable, I will also find opportunities to give him back.
He has given me a lot of companionship and care in the past six months, and I will accompany him as much as possible, very at the same frequency, in his words, a soul mate.
I told him about my situation, but he said that he hoped that everyone would be comfortable and happy to get along, and it was not easy to meet someone who understood him, so don't think too much, he understood.
But in the past two weeks, I may feel that he is too outgoing to give me a sense of security, so I am a little alienated and cold and violent towards him, he asked me, and I also found a reason to push it away, thinking that since I can't give him a future, it is better to let go, but even so, he is still taking the initiative to care about me, and I will respond, but with less enthusiasm and ambiguity.
One morning a few days ago, I suddenly didn't receive his good morning, and there was no news at noon, and in the evening I learned that he was seriously ill, cardiovascular disease, and the kind that would die at any time.
I drove to the hospital that night, he was covered in a monitoring instrument, confused, but recognized me, called my name and felt that he had exhausted all his strength, holding my hand, but unable to speak, my tears kept flowing, crying all night, these days I will cry when I think of him, but my existence, his family does not know, and he can't often go to the hospital to see him, so he can only passively wait for his buddy to use his mobile phone to contact.
Yesterday, he had surgery, which went well, and he went to the ICU for observation. However, there are many postoperative complications of this disease, such as paraplegia and renal necrosis. Or die outright a few days later.
I thought about ending up with him, maybe he would be scumbag, he would be tired of each other, or I would like someone else, but I never thought that this would happen.
To this day, I don't know how to face my heart and adjust my emotions, including what it will happen to lose him in the future, in fact, I have let go a few weeks ago, but now his mind is full of his kindness to me and nostalgia for the happy times before.
Can you tell me what I should do?
Analysis and suggestions of marriage and family counselors of Yufeng team:
An extramarital affair may seem like a late encounter with a confidant, but its essence is an exchange of interests.
If marriage is a cooperation, then an affair is an exchange of interests. The cheater uses money or companionship in exchange for the pleasure of a third party.
People in extramarital affairs are more looking for a sense of freshness and excitement, while the third party is more likely to ask for money or emotional dependence from the other party.
When the novelty and passion of an affair fades, the third person is likely to be replaced by the fourth and fifth parties. An extramarital affair is an exchange of interests, and whoever has the bargaining chips for the exchange may become the next object of the extramarital affair.
There is freshness, excitement, and pleasure in extramarital affairs, which are the benefits of the so-called extramarital affairs, but extramarital affairs also have disadvantages, that is, destroying family harmony!
The extramarital affair itself is built on the basis of a marriage, and it is also based on the original marriage and family pain, so this relationship is not worthy of being blessed and recognized. It's just that many people who are deeply involved in extramarital affairs still don't understand this, or the power of extramarital affairs is too great to resist at all.
An extramarital affair is playing with fire, and sooner or later it will catch fire.