A few days ago, I watched the movie "The Journey of Learning" and deeply realized the root of the deep friendship between Xi Mengyao and He Youjun. In the program, Xi Mengyao said eloquently:
Love is like a delicate, luxurious plant that needs careful care to grow. ”
This is the concept of love that she and He Youjun adhere to together.
Although they are now married, the two have shown rare restraint and rationality when dealing with their feelings. They have regular detailed emotional assessments. When we realize that there is a problem, we are honest with each other and sit down to discuss. Discuss the root cause of the problem and actively seek solutions.
There is a lot of speculation about her motive for marrying He Youjun, and some people think that she is motivated by money, but although Xi Mengyao did not directly respond to the matter, she did not deny it.
She openly stated: "No matter how the world is defined, whether it's the pursuit of love, wealth, or character, it can have both. ”
I especially appreciate her generosity. After all, the essence of any relationship is based on mutual needs.
Why are many couples so sweet in the early stages of their relationship, but as time goes by, especially after entering marriage, one problem after another arises? Often, the reason is that people oversimplify romantic relationships into pure communication. Sentiment.
The sociologist Blau has made an insightful point. "The interaction between people and the establishment of relationships is actually a process of value exchange. This exchange includes both spiritual communication and energy transfer at the inner level, as well as material benefits at the external level. ”
This is true of friendship, love, and even marriage.
When there is an imbalance between giving and rewarding, a crack creeps can creep in the relationship.
* Sentimental value.
Yuan Yuyi once mentioned Huizheng in an interview and frankly said that Huizheng's "love" for Xie Na surprised her. He treats Xie Na as if he were his own child. She couldn't help but sigh, how could a deep friendship reach such a level of selflessness?
Xie Na once shared such an experience. Once, she sang in KTV all night, but she didn't report her whereabouts to He Jing all night.
However, the next morning, He Jing came early and personally sent me home.
On the stage of the New Year's Eve party, when the bell struck midnight, He Jiong always walked through the crowd at the fastest speed after completing the solemn task of the countdown, and affectionately held Xie Na in his arms. This scene has become a typical moment of historical events, galas.
When Xie Na became a mother for the first time, He Jiong gave up almost all work arrangements related to giving birth to children, and interpreted the meaning of best friend with practical actions.
In order to help Xie Na realize her dream of film, He Jiong's first crossover directorial work buried a particularly heart-warming easter egg, allowing Xie Na to shine on the screen as the heroine.
He Jiong once expressed his true feelings in tears in a show: "I don't want you to lose that innocence, no matter how little innocence you bring me, I'm happy.
The outside world thinks I've always been there. I support you and help you move forward, but in reality, your tenacity, optimism, and heartfelt admiration and appreciation for me have illuminated my world like the sun. Masu. ”
The relationship between the two is an exchange of deep-rooted values, the core of which is an extremely sincere exchange of emotions, and the basis of this friendship is an extremely deep sincerity and sincerity.
In the book Understanding the Value of Emotions, there are the following profound words: "A central strategy for maintaining and increasing interpersonal well-being is to surrender to oneself as much as possible in a state of complacency. "The people involved also feel comfortable. The meaning of this value is emotional value.
People who are good at providing strong "emotional value" often feel like a spring breeze as soon as they arrive. Feel the comfort of the breeze on your cheeks.
As the saying goes, "those who are close to Zhu are red, and those who are close to ink are black", which clearly expresses the subtle influence of the surrounding people and environment on individuals.
Note that people are often reluctant to associate with people who are full of negative energy. If you have been with such a person for a long time, you are likely to be infected by invisible negative emotions and become full of complaints and irritability.
On the contrary, the higher the emotional value, the closer the interaction between people, the more positive energy flows from it, and the richer the spiritual world.
From the point of view of economic value.
When the film industry was still in its infancy, the great director Spielberg paid attention to the work of George Lucas.
He happened to meet Lucas on the set and was looking forward to getting in touch with the senior. However, Lucas behaved coldly and fired him with a few perfunctory words.
Over time, Spielberg made a name for himself in the film industry with his talent and hard work.
At this time, Lucas changed his attitude, wanted to be friends with Spielberg, and offered to show affection. The two soon became good friends, often playing ball together, watching movies, and supporting each other in their film careers.
Spielberg was once asked what he thought of Lucas's utilitarian behavior. He smiled and replied: "If you don't have enough value to exchange with others, it will naturally be more difficult to build a relationship. Only when you get stronger. "And it's great to be able to build strong friendships. ”
He didn't see anything wrong with Lucas's behavior.
Whether it's friendship, love, or even marriage, it must be based on exchange values. Netizen Xiaoting once shared her story on social platforms.
A few years ago, Ms. Xiaoting chose to marry her poor boyfriend despite the opposition of her family and friends.
In order to save money, they did not have a wedding or honeymoon, but just lived in a small rented house and ate instant noodles.
After a few years of hard work, they finally saved up a little money and planned to buy a small house as a down payment.
But fate hit them hard. Xiaoting unexpectedly became pregnant and was forced to choose between her family and her children. Under the persuasion of her husband, Xiaoting reluctantly gave up the child.
What makes her even more desperate is that she once firmly believed that "true love is priceless", but now she is often angry with her husband for her small expenses, nothing more.
The harsh reality tells her that marriage is not a fairy tale thing, but a real life based on love and materialism.
Jane Austen, the great writer of English literature, once said, "It is foolish to decide on marriage purely on the basis of family circumstances." But it is just as foolish to ignore the family situation entirely. ”
Therefore, a stable relationship is important. Rational relationships never hesitate to talk about the realistic side of interests, and know how to seek a delicate and stable balance between emotion and reality.
Character values. 
The writer Su Sen once profoundly explained: "Love is like fireworks, and character is like the sun and the moon forever." When the passion of love gradually fades, the long-lasting fate of two people actually becomes eternal. "It is goodness that is sustained by virtue. ”
I am deeply sympathetic to this view. Personality qualities not only determine the height of an emotional relationship, but also fundamentally lay the foundation for that relationship.
Therefore, when choosing a partner, one should not only look for someone who is good to you, but also a "good person" with a pure heart and good qualities.
I'm going to take my best friend Dandan as an example. After graduating from college, she married the sweetheart of her classmates. In the early days, they were very poor, and sometimes they paid rent and had no money in their pockets.
The night before Dandan got married, her parents were still full of worries. They held their daughter's hand tightly and affectionately warned her: "If you have any difficulties in your life later, our doors are always open to you. "You. ”
But fortunately, Dandan's husband did not disappoint her. Despite the difficulties, he chose to work day and night, and now he has bought a property in affluent Beijing, owns his own car, and lives a stable life.
Emotionally, he cares about Dandan unreservedly, never gets angry easily, and is full of love and patience for his children. Mr. Dandan looks back on the married life we spent together with a lot of emotion.
The first thing I value and ultimately decide to entrust to him is his ** personality. ”
Indeed, the beginning of any relationship can be like this. Each has its own story and reason, but in the end, the fate after the storm is inseparable from the persistence and recognition of personality.
When Guo Degang was interviewed and asked about the current standard for accepting apprentices, he took a deep breath and replied:
In the past, we mainly looked at the talent and ability of **, and considered whether they were really suitable for cross talk.
But now, character has become the quality we value the most. You have the ability, so you can develop them slowly. "However, there is a problem with this role. It's about what I can do. There's nothing you can do about it. ”
This sentence can't help but make people think deeply. Of course, short-term relationships may only focus on appearances, and long-term relationships may depend on the temperament of the other person, but the most important thing about a lifelong partner is personality.
Only relationships built on personality can be truly long-lasting.
Yu Xiuhua once said: "A good relationship must have a purpose. ”
This sentence speaks to the truth of human nature. Sometimes, people are kind to us because we show them the same kindness, but more importantly whether the "chips" in our hands are attractive enough.
These chips can be money, love, talent, character, ambition, etc.
With the development of society, the independence of individuals has gradually increased, and the measurement of personal value has become more and more clear. Therefore, we need to create value for each other and push the relationship between the two countries into a virtuous circle.
Instead of chasing horses, it is better to spend the time chasing horses planting grass. ”
This is the wisdom of life. If we strive to improve ourselves and improve our self-worth, it is natural that more people will associate with us.
Click "Follow" to continue to enhance your own value. This is the most important thing in our lives.