As a parent, you must hope that your children will find a good partner and successfully enter into marriage.
But the truth is different from the ideal, many young people get married to their partners, and they have to pass five levels and six generals, and even parting ways halfway.
Writer Zhou Guoping wrote in "Man and Eternity": "Love often evacuates people, leaving an empty body, and then leaves." Therefore, smart people are always wary of love, think twice, or even simply not. ”If love fails, it will be a great blow to people, and some people will even be depressed because of this, and their careers and families will suffer.
Therefore, parents should become "boosters" in the process of their children's search for a partner, removing all kinds of obstacles.
From the social aspect, parents should try to stay away from the following kinds of "little people", don't:
The first type of villain: the snobbish self.
In the Song Dynasty, the imperial examination system became more and more perfect, and many ordinary families, because of the family's scholars, became prominent in high school in one fell swoop.
In the capital, some powerful parents with daughters will always go to the list of Jinshi to find the golden beetle son-in-law.
Find a Jinshi as a son-in-law, even if you climb the court in the future, your income will not be a problem, which is no better.
The literati Chen Zhengmin recorded the story of a rich man recruiting a son-in-law in "Leisure in Retreat".
A young man who has just been admitted to the Jinshi, in front of the list, is full of joy.
Suddenly, the family who didn't know whose family rushed up, took the boy into the carriage, and ran wildly all the way.
Arriving at a luxurious gate, the housekeeper put the boy down.
The door opened, and the old man in purple and gold clothes stepped forward and said, "Offended, these are all arranged by me." I have a daughter in my family, who is good-looking, and she is in the boudoir. I have decided to give it to you.
It is clear that it is a rich father-in-law who robs his son-in-law.
The young man replied without being humble or arrogant: "I was born humble, and I am very lucky to be loved by nobles. But I'm going to go home and talk to my wife.
The onlookers burst into laughter. This old man robbed his son-in-law, but he robbed a married woman. The old man's snobbery is also very powerful.
What makes a good object? Is it a rich person, a rich second generation, or a highly educated person?Too many parents, with their eyes on the sky, have designed a series of conditions for their children to find a partner. Economic and status conditions, that's the point.
If the children are looking for a partner who does not satisfy their parents and has no money, the parents will use the bride price, forced to break off relations, and more severe conditions to break up the fate.
If they are not careful, their parents also become villains, allowing their children to let go in pain.
We have to pay attention to the right people, but such conditions are not absolute. As long as the target has good character, development potential, and is not lazy, it is an intangible wealth.
To be a snob at the moment, it is better to look at the long term, and even help the young couple to build a family business.
The second type of villain: the neighbor who has a holiday.
Between neighbors, look down and don't look up.
The neighbors know what is going on in their homes.
What kind of partner did your children find, when did they get married, and what were their shortcomings? Is the subject reliable, and what do you think? You'll inevitably reveal it to your neighbors.
Not all neighbors are friendly to your family.
When neighbors have bad intentions, they will seize the opportunity to make irresponsible remarks about the object of your children. If your prospective in-laws come to visit, the neighbors will also be involved, and there is a possibility that they will interfere with it.
The Ming Dynasty writer Feng Menglong wrote a story"Jin Yu Slave Stick Beat Bo Qinglang".
Jin Yunu's father was the head of the group, that is, the head of the beggars. Although he has money, his neighbors think that it is ill-gotten gains, and he often makes fun of them.
An old man next door helped Jin Yunu find a partner, Mo Xiucai.
When Mo Xiucai came to the door, fifty or sixty beggars came to the door together, begging for food. Let the Mo family lose face.
Mo Xiucai was admitted to the Jinshi, and some neighbors with bad intentions all said cool things, and also encouraged the child to say: "The son-in-law of the beggar family can also be an official?" ”
Mo Xiucai, who was humiliated by his neighbors many times, was very disappointed in his mother's family and abandoned Jin Yunu.
The ancients said: "The dumb man tastes the cork, and the bitterness is known to him." ”Whether the children are looking for a good person or not, the people of their own family should know it, don't tell your neighbors, and beware of those neighbors who have a holiday.
Maybe a neighbor's word ruins a relationship. What a terrible thing people say.
Even after the children get married, they must keep their distance from some bad neighbors. After all, these people want to make bad chances, and there are always opportunities.
The third type of villain: relatives who can't see your good relatives.
Even if you already have your own opinion, if there are ten relatives and friends who think the opposite of you, it will be difficult not to waver. Here it is"Weych's Law".。Similar to three people into a tiger.
We often think that our family and friends will support our family's happy events. But don't overestimate human nature.
There is a way that it is difficult to prevent thieves day and night.
If there are relatives in the family who are doing badly, it will be difficult for the children to find a partner.
In "Qingping Shantang Script", a man named Zhang Wolf was written and found the object Li Cuilian.
Zhang Wolf's brother and sister-in-law disliked Li Cuilian's big and smug speech, and she was picky in every way, saying: "In the end, how can you look at it? ”
The elder brother also said, "The godwife is the first to come. In other words, to give the new arrival, a dismount.
Under the agitation of his brother and sister-in-law, Zhang Wolf's marriage collapsed.
In addition to daily contradictions, which will destroy love, there are also some people who want to monopolize family wealth, and people who have very bad morals, are all "not good". Although they are connected by blood, the virtues in their bones are different.
When relatives get along, they should also be close to gentlemen, far from villains, and don't generalize.
In order to help their children find a partner and start a family, parents need to change their interpersonal relationships many times.
It is necessary to guard against villains and avoid becoming villains themselves. After all, it is difficult to promote a fate, and it is easy to destroy.
The way to guard against villains is not to brutally confront, break off diplomatic relations, etc. Rather, take a well-intentioned approach.
First, be lenient to the villains around you, and become friendly to each other on the basis of interaction. As Qing Dynasty scholar Jin Ying said"Treat villains leniently, and prevent villains strictly." ”
Second, inherit a good family style, get along with relatives, and work hard in one place. If there is a conflict, it should be communicated in private, rather than transferring the conflict to the marriage of the young person.
Third, have the right values and don't always look at interests.
Fourth, don't offend some villains who can't get along. If you don't socialize with each other, that's it.
The poem says: "When the branches have no flowers, they will recur, and if the flowers are separated from the branches, it will be difficult to go up." ”The fate of children is coming, not only children should cherish, but parents should also cherish, after this village, it is rare to meet the next store.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The picture in the article is ** on the Internet.